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Original poster

Oh my god ... Help me please I don't know what to do!!!

679 replies

Mummy2TandF · 29/08/2007 09:48

my dh went fishing last night and at 11:30pm I had a knock on the door from the police .... My dh has been found dead on a footpath at the lake They think it was a massive heart attack, a stroke or a blood clot but will do a PM tomorrow, I don't know what to do, I have my family here with me but it is easier to talk on here How do I tell my dc's? WHAT do I tell my dc's - they are only 2.9 and 10 months Will they understand, what are they going to do without their daddy? How will I get through the days without my dh? I know we argued etc but I really, really, loved him and now he is gone Help please

OP posts:
beller · 13/09/2007 14:38

mummy2tandf -
Sorry I didnt get back earlier, I live in Brentwood, and if there is anything I can do..come and have a coffee/tea....shop, chat be an ear or a shoulder I will be there like a shot. I know what you mean when you say before the funeral there seems to be loads of people, then nothing. Everyone elses life goes on as normal, while yours seem to crumble. My mum was murdered when I was 21, and I thought I would never get through it. Im 37 now, and although it s hard and I still think of her nearly everyday, it does get better. I really am serious about maybe meeting or popping over. but only if you are ready or would like that.
MAssive hugs and can give you my mail address if you want to chat more xxxx

moodlumthehoodlum · 13/09/2007 17:55

I'm so sorry. There's not much I can say to help or be practical, but I went to a funeral a few months ago, and the vicar gave a really good address.

In it, he said that grief never really goes away, it just becomes something that you learn to live with - and although its really hard to get your head around this now, it did make sense to me, and still does. At the time, it irritated me, with people saying that time heals all, because when its a big loss that just didn't seem possible, but the idea that the grief would become a part of me, and my life, (not in a way that pulls you down, but just as a part of you) seemed to make sense.

Sorry - everyone has their own way of dealing with these tragedies, but HTH.

fransmom · 13/09/2007 22:38

oh sweetheart ((((((((((((((mummy2tandf))))))))))))))))))

Hansmummy · 13/09/2007 22:49

You poor poor lady, I am so sorry. I've only just seen this and cannot imagine what you could be going through, but you seem so brave to be plowing through the things that need to be done instead of burying your head in the sand. Our thoughts are with you, I wish I could offer you more xxx

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 14/09/2007 01:42

I have had a busy night - Just putting the dc's to bed when Craigs work friends knocked, so of course I saw them in and made them a drink before putting the dc's upstairs. dd was sitting on the floor and pulled herself up on the sofa and one of Craigs work friends burst into tears saying that Craig would have been straight into work telling them that she could do that , then she picked up a phone, put it to her ear and said her version of hello, which upset him even more, which upset me but the dc's were still up so I took them to bed and they stayed for hours - they had brought a collection round for me which set me off again - I hate feeling like a charity case , then Craigs sister phoned and came round and then at 10:30pm another friend arrived - she had been over the lake to check that the flowers etc that people had put around the tree were still looking nice (because it had been worrying me) - she has just left, so I am going to see if I can get some sleep now. Tomorrow is a day that we usually go to a mother and toddler group, I have quite a good group of friends there (we have all been out together without the kids etc) so I am going to see how I feel in the morning and maybe try to go I just can't tell new people or talk to anybody about it yet, anybody that hasn't been with me from the start that is I will se how I feel. Night everyone

OP posts:
SunnyJaamy · 14/09/2007 02:11

Mummy2TandF - not been on MN for a while and only just seen this. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the hurt you are feeling. Take care of you and your LOs. Sounds like you have a lot of lovely friends and family supporting you.

WaynettaVonSlob · 14/09/2007 07:14

Mummy2TandF - hope you managed to get some sleep. In the midst of all your pain it must be some comfort to know that Craig was loved by all his friends as well, and that he was such a proud daddy........
Don't try to rush things - take things in your own time, and above all make sure you look after yourself.

xxxxx

beller · 14/09/2007 07:47

mummy2TandF - Hope you got some sleep...Offer still stands i fyou fancy a chat at any time, im only 10 mins away xx

Charlee · 14/09/2007 07:54

M2TAF - I jsut wanted to say i am still thinking of you, you are doing so well to keep things as normal as can be for Toby and Freya. xxxxx

onlyjoking9329 · 14/09/2007 08:00

still thinking about you all, good to see that you have some people around you , keep talking and keep crying it all helps, re toddler group do what you want to do, do it in bite size chunks. i hope get the money stuff sorted out, thou i know it is not goning to be easy for you.
i read your posts and will walk beside you on your journey.

mistypeaks · 14/09/2007 11:39

Just checking in to say I'm still thinking of you. You are doing really well. Craig would be proud of you, I don't know you and I am.

mygirllollipop · 14/09/2007 13:37

M2T&F - sorry I have been offline with th e house move and only just read this.
This is such a tragic loss, don't take any notice if people seem to make insensitive comments about cheering up, they just worry about you being so upset.
Live day to day for you and for those gorgeous kids, and the financial stuff will have to wait and be taken care of as it happens.
So sorry for you loss.

Tigger13 · 14/09/2007 14:41

I am so so sorry for your loss. I think you are an incredibly brave and strong lady. I can't stop thinking about you and am sending you lots of love.

Your children are beautiful and you are a wonderful mummy please don't forget that.

With huge love and best wishes. xxxx

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 14/09/2007 18:57

Well I did try to go to the Mother and toddler group today. I had to stop the car on the way there to be sick (sorry tmi) and Toby said to me "don't worry if your a little bit sad mummy, you will be "hokay" when we get to Minnie Mites " - I got there late and as soon as I walked in they all came rushing up to me to give me a cuddle and I crumbled , they are all so kind but they haven't been there from the start so it is like reliving it all again - They bought me a tea and took over with the dc's so I could sit and compose myself and watching Toby I realised how much this is affecting him He was not his useual boistrous (sp?) self and was very subdued and he kept coming to me for a cuddle - normally at song time he is standing mext to the organisers helping them do all the dances and showing the other children what to do, but he wouldn't leave my side even pulled up a chair to sit next to me. I try not to break down in front of him and thought I was doing well but he obviously senses that I am not happy and even when I try to be jolly for him, he sees through it I don't want to make things any worse for him, but I think I am!

OP posts:
Wisteria · 14/09/2007 18:57

M2T&F

I am so sorry for your loss. My bf lost her dh in similar circumstances about 7 yrs ago so she would have all sorts of things to help you with. Her little boy was 3-4 and baby not born at the time. If you like I could ask her for anything that helped. I know there were a few books etc that were good with the little ones and they named a star after him; had a telescope so they could say goodnight.

Thinking of you and if you would like me to put you in touch with her then please email me at [email protected].

Wisteria · 14/09/2007 18:58

sorry [email protected]

callmeovercautious · 14/09/2007 19:05

I am sure he is picking up on your vibes but it won't damage him for life. It shows he has empathy which is a wonderful trait.

Take advantage of those friends to help you get through this, perhaps see them individually or in a smaller group until you feel upto the big meet ups? It is easier to talk one on one rather than have 10 people talking at once.

Your DHs work mates sound great too.

Hope you get the money side sorted soon, you don't need all that as well and don't look on it as Charity, if it was one of them I am sure you would be doing the same.

Virtual hugs to you all {{{}}}

Original poster
Mummy2TandF · 14/09/2007 19:11

I have thought that about the friends - I have tried to even them out, so that I have somebody most of the time but it never works like that - when I got back this afternoon my bf and her 2 dd's came round and another friend and her dd, then my mum came round with my nephew - I did dinner for all the dc's and then they all left I bathed the dc's and they are both tucked up in bed and now I have a long, lonely night ahead of me

OP posts:
Wisteria · 14/09/2007 19:22

I know it may be cold comfort but MN is here and there is always someone to talk to. Whereabouts are you M2T&F

Wisteria · 14/09/2007 19:26

Just seen your page - too far for me to bring you a lasagne and bottle of wine , your dcs are lovely x

TrixieVix · 14/09/2007 19:47

There's always someone on here for you M-T&F xx

nailpolish · 14/09/2007 19:50

i am proud o f you going to mothers and toddlers. M2T&F

WELL DONE

i think that was a Big Step

mistypeaks · 14/09/2007 21:05

def a big step to go to mother and toddlers. I won't go and i have no earthly reason. Your little boy is so sweet to look after you. It won;t do him any harm being kind. He is this way because of his loving parents. He loves you and this is his way of showing it. Still so so proud of you. Don't forget if you need anything we're all here.

KD73 · 14/09/2007 21:10

Hi M2T&F,

Just want you to know that I am thinking of you and hope that you are ok

KD

WaynettaVonSlob · 14/09/2007 21:55

Well done on going there this morning.
You seem to have lovely friends and famnily about. Now what you need to do is tell them that they need to stagger their visits, and that you need them most in the evenings.
From your posts it seems they're just dropping in unanounced, and doubling up. Next time they're over just tell them that you love them being there, but that if at all possible you'd like them to drop over in the evening instead......

You are doing very very well.

Keep talking to us, we're always here........

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