Oh my god ... Help me please I don't know what to do!!!

[Mummy2TandF]

my dh went fishing last night and at 11:30pm I had a knock on the door from the police .... My dh has been found dead on a footpath at the lake They think it was a massive heart attack, a stroke or a blood clot but will do a PM tomorrow, I don't know what to do, I have my family here with me but it is easier to talk on here How do I tell my dc's? WHAT do I tell my dc's - they are only 2.9 and 10 months Will they understand, what are they going to do without their daddy? How will I get through the days without my dh? I know we argued etc but I really, really, loved him and now he is gone Help please

Will you get in touch with Mummypoppins and ask for her help in sorting out your finances? She will have a lot of the facts at her fingertips and what she doesn't know she'll be able to find out for you.
So many people are keen to help, please ask, 'cause no-one is going to barge in.
With love

I was actually bumping for mummypoppins because her brother has Marfans and is a doctor and she has a family history of Marfans - I hadn't thought of financial help, I have had a representative round from a motor trade benevolent fund attached to Craigs work, and I think she is trying to find out about all that. I know that I need to sort out my finances but losing Craig is all I can think about and I know that I should be more panicy about money but I can't get past the fact that he isn't here atm .... Toby asked me yesterday when daddy was coming back from fishing in heaven He said he was getting "fed up" of waiting for him ... I thought that he understood Craig wasn't coming back but obviously he didn't - I just had to say again that daddy won't be coming back, it breaks my heart and then Toby said but I need him My poor baby

That is just so sad. Your poor little boy. I suspect it's very normal for the full implications of death to take quite a while to sink in for children of such a young age. I don't know what else to say. I just really, really feel for you and your family.

Oh, Mummy2TandF that is so sad.....poor Toby, and poor poor you......
I sometimes see MummyP on another thread, so will ask her to pop in here when if I see her.

How are you doing today? I can't believe work is asking you to go back already.

Am not good again today - I think the dc's are really picking up on my mood but I am trying so hard not to let them see how upset I really am, but I suppose they know their mummy too well, even at their ages It was my Dad's birthday today and I really forgot - I think I did remember earlier in the week but forgot today, so had to rush round there to see him, but I think I just depressed everyone - I just wanted to get home, I don't know why because there is nobody here, but I just feel better/safer/more settled at home

OMG have only just read the OP but my heart goes out to you and your dc's. Its going to take a long time of grieving and working through all the emotions but hopefully you will come through it with all our heartfelt support

You have every right to be depressed, you have lost someone you had all your hopes and dreams tied up in and are now trying to come to terms with these all being taken away. How anyone could expect you to be all happiness so soon after is beyond me. You need to grieve. Its normal to feel like this so don't feel bad on behalf of anyone elses feelings. Would it help to see a counsellor to work through your feelings?

I don't know if this has already been mentioned, but when my best friend died, leaving his dw and 2.6 yr old son, CRUSE were very helpful, providing a bereavement counsellor who did a lot with her ds for over a year.

Donk - thanks for that, I am considering councelling now for me and ds Somebody has mentioned Winstons Wish aswell but I think they may be better for older children. Originally I thought ds may be too young to understand fully, but as the days go by I can see that he is affected .... I keep crying tonight thinking about writing my Dads birthday cards, obviously the one from the dc's was fine but I had to just put my name It was horrible I haven't done that in 11 years

How are you feeling today? Did Toby go off to nursery okay?

Im here Im here..............sorry just been very busy. My brother is on holiday at the moment so I will nab him when he comes back.

Go to the doctors on Wednesday but try not to get too panicky about Marfans. It is more commone than we think. No we did not know that my dad had it and indeed it now seems most of his family did too.

Where do you live...we have wonderful charity locally called Noah's Ark and I could put you in touch with them.

I am more than happy to help with Finances when the time comes...........and you feel able to deal. Just exisiting at the moment is hard enough.

My mother always said she would have jumped off the nearest bridge if it hadnt been for the 3 of us...........you have to keep going for T and F..............and you will find the strength to do so.

Big hugs

x

Mummy2TandF, I've just read your thread and wanted to add how sorry I am too. The shock of this happening is just so unimaginable. Its left me speechless. The way you speak of Craig and your children is beautiful and inspiring too. You have made me stop and think today how precious life is. You must be a strong lady to not only get through these days but to be thinking of others around you as well.

I know that a couple of others have already offered to help with your photo. But you can add my name to the list. Either for this particular photo, or for any others you have that you'd like made special. I tinker quite a lot with photoshop and could have a go for you if you'd like. I'll just leave the offer on the table, either for now, or for some time in the future, whenever you're ready. Just let me know if I can help, I'd be more than happy to.

waynetta - Toby didn't go to nursery yeasterday, he only goes Tuesday and Thursday mornings - he went in like such a big boy this morning.
mummypoppins - Thanks for posting again, I know exactly how your mum felt, if it wasn't to the dc's I don''t know what I would have done. I thought that I had sorted things financially (there is nothing to sort) but I didn't/don't know anything about probate I had heard of it but didn't think it was something that I had to go through, have been talking to my mum who has told me yes I do have to worry about it but just not yet So now I am confussed and would appreciate some help if you could give it, also would like to speak to your brother or you about the Marfans, my head is just spinning
I met one of my friends yesterday at the lake where Craig died (there is the tree with photos and flowers on) - I took the children and when I told ds we were going to Belhus, he said "are we going to see daddys tree?" it took me by surprise but said yes. He said "wait a moment then Mummy" and rushed upstairs, he came down with his play food and picked out a tomato or "matato" and said "I think I will give this to Daddys tree, Daddy will like to munch and chomp on it" I really don't know if I am strong enough to get through this

he sounds like such a knowing, lovely boy.
it's still early days , be kind to yourself, and don't expect too ,much of yourself, one day at a time
that reads back like cliches , but i think taking one day at a time could help

mummytotandf - I could pop over one night with a lasagne or something if you fancy a bit of company? Im in brentwood..so wouldnt be too far to come? Let me know xxx

Beller - That is so kind, Thank You. For all those who offered help with photos, I can't get the camera to connect to my computer for some reason, would you be able to do anyhting from a scanned copy of a photo?
Craigs Mum and Dad came round today (the 1st time since the funeral) I have phoned them 3 times to let them know that they can visit anyime they wanted and to let them know that it is important to me that they have as much contact with the dc's as possible. We had quite a "nice" afternoon, although seeing them seems to really set me off amd they just tell me to stop crying I feel better whan any of Craigs family are around me because I feel that they must have the most similar feelings to me, but they are so unemotional it is really upsetting Craig always said that they were not loving parents, but I am sure that is not true ... however they are defn not keen on showing emotion .... It makes me so proud of Craig because he found it hard to show emotion aswell but my lo's both knew how much he loved them and he always showered them with kisses and cuddles and I know how hard that must have been for him - I really want him here

MummyTandF - I'm so sorry that all of this has happened. Please call Winstons Wish and also look at their website. If you call you usually leave a message and they call back. They are happy to talk over the phone at length, give you suggestions on what you can say to your DS, explain what he might be thinking. They have so much experience. The website also has some lovely ideas on how to remember birthdays etc and lots of good stuff to read about Child Grief.

Also worth contacting Cruse now - in my area they currently have a 3 month waiting list for counselling. So it might be worth registering - even if you end up not wanting it at a later stage.

Wishing you every strength for your appointment at the drs today. I'll be sondering all day how you get on.

With love

MTandF, about the photo: scanned images can be worked on. The end product might not be in as much detail or may be a bit smaller, but definatley worth a go. Think of it as a short term measure until you can get your camera and computer reconnected and I or one of the others could re-do it with the digital image to give you a more perfect permanant photo. I'm more than happy to have a go for you.

I hope your day today goes as best it can. Love to you and your lovely children, K x

i have only just seen this but didnt want to not post - i am so sorry for you and your family and am praying for you all. you seem to be coping better each day even if you dont feel that way yourself

Good luck at the drs Mummy2tandf. Thinking of you

XXX

We went to the drs today and I was quite - I had asked for one particular doctor because I have found him very good in the past, I even waited longer for the appt because I wanted to see him, when we got to the doctors this morning, they told me that I was going to see a locum as the doctor was ill ..... anyway, the locum has prescribed me diazipan, which I am not sure about and then asked me in front of Toby if I had thought of taking my own life He examined Toby and said that his heart sounded fine and that his pulse was fine, he said that his pallet may be a characteristic of marfans and that he wasn't sure about his joints because he is so young, so they could just be flexible anyway .... he said that he was not prepared to refer him as he was a fit, active and healthy boy. I said that so was Craig right up until he was found but the doctor said unless there was an actual diagnosis of Marfans in the family, he didn't have grounds to refer Toby I was so upset I completely broke down but he stuck to his guns and said unless the coroner sites marfans as the cause of death or there is proof that there is marfans in the family he would not refer .... I left the surgery, which I am annoyed with myself about, but I wasn't strong enough to stand my ground. I have decided though that I will book another appt to see the original doctor and again ask for a referral. Sorry, I am wafflig but I am a bit everywhere again today .... I will post again tomorrow when my mind is a bit clearer, night, night

M2T&F, am sorry you had such a crap time with the locum, Califrau is right, they don't know you and how much the referral means to you whereas your nice DR does. Do go back and see the dr you like, I'm sure they'll be far more sympathetic.
How are you feeling now? Are you getting much sleep? Praying hard for you and your dcs.

Mummy2TandF on your behalf.

Hope your real doctor is back today and you get the referral.