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Bereavement

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Original poster

DS24 has taken his own life - please help me get through this!

305 replies

Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 21:55

Can't believe I have typed those words.

I'm broken.

He was suicidal for weeks and we had a battle but we managed to get him on a mental health ward.

A very long winded story but he kept saying there were voices in his head pushing him to end it. We, and him begged for him to be sectioned to keep him safe (they allow voluntary patients to come and go off the ward) as numerous warning signs were there but they refused because he was volunteering treatment.

On Thursday, he rang me described the voices becoming demonic. This was explained to his psychologist.
A long horrific story short again but that day, his girlfriend decided to end the relationship with him (she was getting pressure off her family) which tipped him over the edge. He was allowed to leave the hospital "to get some fresh air" at 9pm. At 5am yesterday morning they found his body. I can't bring myself to explain how he did it but it was the most horrific thing possible. 😢

How on earth can we even begin to think about recovering from this?

I'm utterly broken. I literally can't stop crying.

OP posts:
ladygracie · 07/12/2019 22:12

I am so very sorry for your loss 💐

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 07/12/2019 22:15

Oh I am so so so sorry! I hate that you're having to go through this.

When a friend committed suicide after a long struggle with depression and MH issues someone at his wake found a quote that said "When the pain it took to stay was greater than the pain it took to go". In an odd way that quote gave us comfort to think that there wasn't anything we could have done to stop him because we could not remove the pain that was inside him.

You gave your son love and comfort, none of us can do more for our children.

alphasox · 07/12/2019 22:15

I’m so so sorry. I know it hurts so very badly right now and although something like this has a profound effect, I know that things will get better. My brother died by suicide 9 years ago and the first few months were just shocking and horrible and then we had a few years of feeling ok some days and having terrible times on other days. I’m ok most of the time now, and my parents have found that their grandchildren have given them great hope and good distractions. We can talk about the happy days with my brother now and smile.
But it’s a tough road.
We found some useful support via Cruse and they have these recommended resources too - www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/traumatic-bereavement/suicide

Loveislandaddict · 07/12/2019 22:15

Don’t blame yourself. You were recovering from an operation, so wasn’t probably in the best place yourself (I know anaesthetics make me feel foggy for a few days).

ladygracie · 07/12/2019 22:15

I think the sleepiness you feel after an operation or procedure is different from normal tiredness as you can’t just shake it off. You couldn’t help being sleepy and you weren’t to know it would be the last conversation you’d have. From what you have written, you did everything you could. Sending love x

Paddy1234 · 07/12/2019 22:15

❤️ My heart goes out to you
As previous posters have said, you don't get over it ever, you find a different way of living
My only advice is let know one tell you how to grieve but take all the professional support you can.
You will find new friends in those that have sadly trodden their same path as you as you as they are the only ones who can truly feel and understand the pain that you are feeling.

Original poster
Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 22:16

These posts are helping, thank you

OP posts:
snowybaubles · 07/12/2019 22:18

I don't know what to say but I am so so sorry Thanks

Original poster
Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 22:19

I've never known pain like it. The whole families hearts have broken. I feel sorry for his younger brother (DS17) as he has now gone from always having a brother like two peas in a pod... To being an only child.

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 07/12/2019 22:20

Mumsnet is a great place. When the demons come to you in the middle of the night there is always a hand hold and lovely ladies who will listen.

Hairydilemma · 07/12/2019 22:20

I’m so so sorry, I have no useful advice but just wanted to say this.
And be kind to yourself.

thesunwillout · 07/12/2019 22:21

I'm so sorry.
I don't have any experience of losing someone like this. Really sorry, I will check in on you here.
Sending strength and a prayer, I'm not particularly religious but it's more of a sending hope or comfort thing.
X

alongtimeagoagain · 07/12/2019 22:21

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my lovely mum to suicide when I was 18, I know how devastating it is. I know there's nothing I can say to ease your pain but I wanted to offer a hand hold and send you some love.

I believe in life after death and my mum always said she would try to communicate with me on her passing. I experienced her presence during a spiritual meditation. It was a very powerful, moving, emotional yet peaceful experience. I held her hand and she told me she was sorry.

Love to you, I'm so sorry.

Paddy1234 · 07/12/2019 22:21

No - he will always have a brother and you have two children.
❤️

Reallybadidea · 07/12/2019 22:22

I'm so very sorry. I remember your thread from a week or two ago. You tried so hard to help him, I don't see what else you could have done. By the sounds of it he was let down by the lack of mental health care provision in this country. But not by his family who he knew loved him Flowers

Vix20678 · 07/12/2019 22:22

I'm so sorry. My sister ended her life in 2013. I know the shock you are feeling. Words are useless but I'm really so very sorry. Thanks

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 07/12/2019 22:23

I’m so sorry. Have no words but please know that all I can do is be thinking of you and I am. I’m so, so sorry. It’s unimaginable.

OnTheFirstDayOfChristmas · 07/12/2019 22:24

I'm so very sorry for your loss x

memaymamo · 07/12/2019 22:25

I'm so sorry.. so very sorry. You are not to blame and you did do what you could - you loved him and supported him and found him help. He was very ill, just like someone with a terminal illness like cancer.

Please be kind to yourself and embrace any support offered.

Redcarandthebluecarhadarace · 07/12/2019 22:26

I'm so sorry for your loss. Would it help to tell us about him?

chinateapot · 07/12/2019 22:26

I am so so sorry.

What comes through your post is how hard you tried to help. You did everything you could and everything a mum could. This isn’t your fault. Tragically your son died from his mental illness - it wasn’t his fault or yours. But I am so sorry.

Isadora2007 · 07/12/2019 22:26

I hope there is some comfort in the knowledge that he is no longer on so much pain. Mental illness can be as awful as physical and I know that I would always want any loved one to be pain free. It’s an absolute sin that the services were not there to protect him and help make him better via medical support, and I cannot imagine your pain. But I also think that knowing that if love was enough to keep us alive there would never be any death or loss in life...but sadly
Love isn’t enough. He knew he was loved which is a gift Flowers

Original poster
Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 22:26

@reallybadidea

Thank you. I abandoned the thread as things were moving so quickly it was impossible to update. He was moved around 3 different hospitals.. no one took him seriously.

OP posts:
reasonsforwaiting · 07/12/2019 22:27

My heart goes out to you all; so so sorry to hear this. Please be very kind towards yourself; this was an utterly heartbreaking decision you DS made, but was his in the end. He knew he was dearly loved. Flowers

BuckingFrolics · 07/12/2019 22:29

I'm so sorry that this has happened to your family.. I wish there was something to say that might offer support - I would say it for you. But there isn't. Be careful and kind to yourself. I'm so sorry.

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