DS24 has taken his own life - please help me get through this!

[Crazyladee]

Can't believe I have typed those words.

I'm broken.

He was suicidal for weeks and we had a battle but we managed to get him on a mental health ward.

A very long winded story but he kept saying there were voices in his head pushing him to end it. We, and him begged for him to be sectioned to keep him safe (they allow voluntary patients to come and go off the ward) as numerous warning signs were there but they refused because he was volunteering treatment.

On Thursday, he rang me described the voices becoming demonic. This was explained to his psychologist.
A long horrific story short again but that day, his girlfriend decided to end the relationship with him (she was getting pressure off her family) which tipped him over the edge. He was allowed to leave the hospital "to get some fresh air" at 9pm. At 5am yesterday morning they found his body. I can't bring myself to explain how he did it but it was the most horrific thing possible. 😢

How on earth can we even begin to think about recovering from this?

I'm utterly broken. I literally can't stop crying.

I am 3 years on and just beginning to think about counselling. I am only just reaching a point where I can sort of articulate my thoughts.
It is very expensive and I d9n't want to pay ££ just to sit and cry. I can do that alone.
But I think talking through some strategies to cope with my life now might be helpful.
Everyone is different. I have found the support from other parents has been the most help up till now.

Just read this thread from the start, I'm so sorry to hear what you''re going through, it must be hell for you.

There's no timetable for grief, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You might have unexpectedly OK days and that's fine. And if you don't that's fine too. Accept all the help you can to get you through this, and the sun will start to shine for you, a little at a time, when you're ready for it.

Take care of you

Hi everyone
I just wanted to say a big thank you to the people who nominated me to receive a woolly hug blanket.
Its arrived this morning and it's absolutely stunning. It's huge, warm and customised for my son. I can't wait to curl up in the evenings with it wrapped around me.

I can't believe it's coming up to 12months since we lost our wonderful son. I am reliving every moment of those final few days so it's a struggle as you can imagine. It's absolutely flown by as it feels like a few weeks ago. But despite the lockdowns, we have done a lot. We have sold our house and moved into a new one in a different area. DS2 continues to struggle with the death of his older brother and we decided we needed a fresh new start.
We have also had the investigation finalised from the NHS who have admitted there were many failings involved in my son's care which could have contributed to his death. We have had a formal letter of apology from the chief executive of the NHS Trust involved. It won't bring him back but they are making radical changes to stop this happening again. This part of it is ongoing as we still have the inquest to get through.

I just thought I'd give a bit of an update as I decided to take a big break from mumsnet as I was finding it wasn't helping me to heal at the time.

Aww that's lovely. I hope you are cuddled up on the sofa tonight feeling loved and supported by those who were thinking of you and your family while they made it.

Is it big enough for 2, can ds2 cuddle up beside you?

Death is always hard but the death of a child to such a harrowing MH disorder is very hard
I always think suicide is a death sue to a mental health issue that just couldn’t be borne
My heart utterly goes out to you
He is free from his demons now

I truly hope you get support to understand why this happened in his head
It won’t take your loss away but could bring some acceptance

May he rest in peace
May you eventually find a degree of acceptance

I am so sorry , I pray his soul is at peace now