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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

DS24 has taken his own life - please help me get through this!

305 replies

Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 21:55

Can't believe I have typed those words.

I'm broken.

He was suicidal for weeks and we had a battle but we managed to get him on a mental health ward.

A very long winded story but he kept saying there were voices in his head pushing him to end it. We, and him begged for him to be sectioned to keep him safe (they allow voluntary patients to come and go off the ward) as numerous warning signs were there but they refused because he was volunteering treatment.

On Thursday, he rang me described the voices becoming demonic. This was explained to his psychologist.
A long horrific story short again but that day, his girlfriend decided to end the relationship with him (she was getting pressure off her family) which tipped him over the edge. He was allowed to leave the hospital "to get some fresh air" at 9pm. At 5am yesterday morning they found his body. I can't bring myself to explain how he did it but it was the most horrific thing possible. 😢

How on earth can we even begin to think about recovering from this?

I'm utterly broken. I literally can't stop crying.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 21:56

MNHQ move this to bereavement please

OP posts:
scattercushion17 · 07/12/2019 21:58

I am so very sorry. I am sending you a virtual hug.

Other posters will be along I'm sure to offer help.

I am so sorry this has happened.

katmarie · 07/12/2019 21:59

I dont know how you get through something like this but I didn't want to read and run. Do you have people you can reach out to for help in real life? I'm so very very sorry for your loss.

Annasgirl · 07/12/2019 22:01

Oh OP, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope someone who has been through this comes on here to chat to you. Please feel free to keep posting and I will keep reading.

Chickoletta · 07/12/2019 22:01

I am so sorry for your loss. A friend of mine lost his daughter through suicide and found this support group very helpful.

uksobs.org/

Pannalash · 07/12/2019 22:03

I am so very sorry.

mineofuselessinformation · 07/12/2019 22:03

I've reported to ask for your thread to be moved, OP.
As to how you get through this, I've no experience of what's happened to you, but have experienced bereavement.
You take it as it comes, feel the way you feel and that is all perfectly normal - there is no right way or wrong way to do it.
You may find contacting groups as pp have suggested helpful when you're ready, or to talk it out with a counsellor later on.
Hugest sympathies. ((Hug))

Original poster
Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 22:03

Yes DH and I have had the family rallying around us.

I've spent the last 2 days sitting downstairs staring at our Xmas tree sobbing completely numb.

He left notes for us all. He describes his pain mentally. Says how sorry he is. How he loves us all and felt loved. But I can't convince myself that we did our best for him.

OP posts:
Fifteenthnamechange · 07/12/2019 22:04

God I'm so sorry OP. This is truly horrific. Sending you every bit of loveThanks

CareOfPunts · 07/12/2019 22:04

I’m so sorry Flowers

Original poster
Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 22:05

Thank you chickoletta but the link doesn't work

OP posts:
Loveislandaddict · 07/12/2019 22:05
Flowers
AbbieLexie · 07/12/2019 22:06

I have no words for you. I understand a little as it was the same circumstances with my niece. Much love and hugs to you and yours

Robs20 · 07/12/2019 22:07

I’m so sorry to hear about your son. I haven’t experienced loss through suicide but have also lost a child so understand some of the pain you will be feeling.

The first few days/ weeks/ months are very difficult. If some practical help about what happens next/ things to prepare for (and what helped me) would be useful I am happy to send that.

Sending you a huge hug, I hope you are surrounded by real life support.

DecemberSnow · 07/12/2019 22:07

uksobs.org/

ParkheadParadise · 07/12/2019 22:07

So sorry for loss @Crazyladee
I lost my dd (23) in tragic and upsetting circumstances 4yrs ago.
Your probably still in shock it's horrible.

Original poster
Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 22:07

He believed in life after death as in everyone's notes he says he will be watching over us and protecting us from up above. He explained what sign he will use. I hope to god he's right.

Because of the way he died, we all qualify for specialist counselling.

OP posts:
Pinkarsedfly · 07/12/2019 22:08

I’m so, so sorry.

Flowers
WeakAsIAm · 07/12/2019 22:10

So sorry for your loss.

In answer, You don't get over this you just learn to live a different way.

You are a long way away from that allow yourself to go through whatever stages you need at exactly the pace you need to.

Take comfort that you know he was very much loved and will be forever more .

PastTippingPoint · 07/12/2019 22:10

FlowersFlowersFlowers

I've no words of wisdom for you OP, just sending lots of love to you and your family.

DowntonCrabby · 07/12/2019 22:10

I am so so sorry for your loss. There are really no words at all. FlowersFlowers

inwood · 07/12/2019 22:10

I have nothing worthy to say apart from I'm so so sorry x

cindylouwhosplaits · 07/12/2019 22:11

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My dad died from suicide in 2011 around Christmas time. It really is the most horrible feeling knowing you couldn't stop them. I know now that nothing I could have done would have stopped the eventuality of him dying- even if it was delayed a few times.

Please talk if you feel you need to. I hope you don't have anyone like I did saying how selfish he was because to him I think it would have felt like the most selfless thing to do so he was no longer causing those around him to worry.

Original poster
Crazyladee · 07/12/2019 22:11

His final conversation with me wasn't great as he was irate due to the girlfriend situation. I am recovering from a major operation so I was on the sofa asleep when I spoke to him. I'm disgusted with myself that I more or less fobbed him off. What kind of mother does that??

OP posts:
QueenofPain · 07/12/2019 22:12

There is no getting over it, but life continues to grow around the pain eventually. You just have to deal with time right now in very, very small chunks, minutes, then hours when you’re ready, days when you feel ready after that. Let the future be an abstract concept for now.

I’m so, so sorry for your loss, I lost my younger brother in December 2016, it was three days before his 26th birthday. Strongly suspected to be suicide, but because there was no note stating his explicit intent the coroner couldn’t call it that. In our case there were ways in which services could have done better by him.