DS1 was born sleeping **trigger warning - image that some may find upsetting. Trigger warning added by MNHQ**

[Sosks]

We lost our first child on Saturday and it still doesn't feel real.

We knew he had a lot of problems and we may have only had a short time, but we didn't get even that. I keep wondering if I'd pushed harder maybe we could have had a few moments.

I keep expecting to feel him kicking in my tummy and there's nothing I want more than to hold him in my arms again.

We're doing a lot better than I expected but I still feel so lost. I just want to see my son. It was also my first pregnancy.

Henry will look lovely in his wee outfit. xxxx

What an absolutely beautiful little boy. That's a lovely picture you shared OP - he looks so peaceful.

I'm so sorry that this has happened. Sending you and Henry's dad love and strength

I'm so pleased to have an update and hear how you are. The outfit sounds so lovely, for your sweet boy. I'll be thinking about you and Henry and Henry's dad. Take good care of yourself. Love. xxxx

Lovely to see an update from you.
Henrys outfit sounds lovely thinking of you & well wishes for Thursday

Hi OP, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Such a lovely photo of your son.

The world will certainly be a sadder place without that adorable boy in it.

Thank you so much for sharing Henry with us.

As others say, please take good care of yourself. Take very small steps on the road ahead.

Love to you all. Xxx

He is so beautiful

I'm so sorry for your loss

Henry is beautiful

I too have been there - I lost my DS at 25 weeks 4 years ago now.

He's so beautiful.xxxx

Going to bring the cute outfit to the funeral directors tomorrow, and we should get to see him as well so looking forward to that a lot.

I also had a dream last night of OH holding Henry but his eyes were open and he was smiling. Makes a lovely change from the bad dreams I've been having.

Got upset again today though. I decided to make a new Instagram instead of unfollowing all the September mums etc as my sister keeps tagging me in things on there and all I see when the app opens is endless birth announcements, newborn pics and 'hurry up' bump pics and I'm really not up for torturing myself right now.

I got a request from an old uni classmate, I accepted and followed back...only to see her feed is full of bump pics, and she is in fact 37 weeks pregnant. Went and had a cry to my mum on the phone and had to unfollow her, if she asks I'm sure she'll understand why. She's aware that Henry has passed away as well. Wish people thought these things through

💔
Such a hard unfair time for you 💐

I hope it goes well at the funeral directors today and that you enjoy seeing Henry, Sosks.
God, I'm so sorry people are being so insensitive towards you. I expect they're just wrapped up in their own lives. It sounds like you can rely on your mum to support you, I hope that's the case.
I hope you have some more good dreams. I think they help with healing, giving a little respite and letting you know you still have happiness inside you somewhere.
xxx

I am so so sorry op
My dsis and her partner went through this a long time ago and I saw first hand what you and your dh are having to deal with right now.
What a beautiful baby boy he is.

Sending you as much strength as I actually can right now.

so sorry for your loss Sosks. he is indeed beautiful. my dd was born sleeping but in the second trimester so i didnt take photos. we named our little one rosie. she had a little joint service at the crem locally with the other weenies that didnt make it.
have you found SANDS yet? they are lovely - i joined the tunbridge wells facebook group even tho im ooop north and they are a lovely bunch. i think being able to talk to other people who have experienced the loss of a baby is a godsend.
im over a year on and i still find it hard to be around baby talk, babies and pg people - i grit my teeth and am polite but get away as fast as possible.

take extra good care of yourself. sending you lots of love xxx

Beautiful Henry

Massive love Sosks.
Your boy is beautiful. My brother was still born 37 years ago. Unfortunately things were dealt with differently then in regards to photos and family but he is still very much a part of our family and someone we talk about often. My own kids know they had an uncle too.

My biggest advice is don't be afraid to talk about him. My parents struggled with that, they were so consumed with their own grief understandably that for years it was something we couldn't even mention. Talk about him, display photos, anything you are comfortable with.

I would also do what's best for you and OH. Other family often don't know how to deal with baby loss so they can try and help by taking control or organising things when you want to do it or not how you wanted things. Do things how you want to.

Much much love