DS1 was born sleeping **trigger warning - image that some may find upsetting. Trigger warning added by MNHQ**

[Sosks]

We lost our first child on Saturday and it still doesn't feel real.

We knew he had a lot of problems and we may have only had a short time, but we didn't get even that. I keep wondering if I'd pushed harder maybe we could have had a few moments.

I keep expecting to feel him kicking in my tummy and there's nothing I want more than to hold him in my arms again.

We're doing a lot better than I expected but I still feel so lost. I just want to see my son. It was also my first pregnancy.

So sorry for your loss op

Oh gosh Sosks how tragic for you all, I'm really sorry.

How utterly heartbreaking. So sorry for your loss Op

I'm so sorry

What did you call your son?

You will still be in shock just now, it can take a while for the enormity of what has happened to sink in so don't worry if you feel strangely calm and 'normal' for a while.

Has anyone spoken to you about the practical arrangements?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I haven't experienced still birth but I've had late miscarriages. Xx the pain doesn't go but it gets easier to deal with. I have found some support on instagram community. When you're ready you might maybe look there? I also found ARC were wonderful. X

Sorry that sounds really uncaring. I only ask because it may be possible for you to see him depending on where he is just now if that's what you need to do

Thanks all for your kind words.

His name is Henry. We did get to spend a few days with him at the hospital but I wish we had longer. All the way back home from the hospital I kept looking in the back seat expecting to see him in a car seat.

We've to call the funeral directors etc today and also make an appointment at the registry office. Haven't been able to get into town myself yet as my stitches are still a bit raw. I'm really hoping we can see him again before we bury him.

So very sorry to hear of your loss of your precious son Henry

My friend's dd was born sleeping two years ago and she and her DH found this organisation which gave them tremendous support - they have since raised money for them so other parents can continue to be supported. www.springsupport.org.uk/

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you will find the funeral directors will be gentle and supportive of your loss, in my experience they really do make an extra effort with baby deaths and will help you to plan something very special for Henry.

Hugs to you OP. We lost DS1 to a completely unexpected stillbirth in January so I can relate to how you feel. I had a thread on here with lots of useful advice from wise MNers - can share a link if you think it might be useful.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know it feels tremendously unfair, but at least your dear Henry isn't suffering. And you've done the hardest and best thing you could for him as a mum, keep him safe for as long as you could and bring him into the world with dignity.

The shock does ease even if the pain never truly goes away. Take your time to grieve and acknowledge him in ways that feel meaningful to you. If you have a partner turn towards each other; men often have an even more difficult time grieving.

Take a look at the sands forum. It may or may not be for you but I found it comforting to read about others going through a similar experience; somehow made me feel less alone.

Are you planning a funeral for your rainbow? Some people I know got a bit of comfort from pouring their emotions into a lovely rememberance of their baby.

And please remember there are a myriad of ways to make a family if that's a path you eventually want to explore.

Hugs and please vent on here as much as you care to!

So sorry for your lost. No one should have to go through that. I lost my first suddenly when she was 4 days old due to an undiagnosed heart defect. I got alot of support from SANDS. Knowing others understood how I felt really helped.

It's so difficult in the early days but it does get easier over time. The pain does not go away but you learn to live with it. Although at the moment this probably feels impossible.

We have gone on to have a healthy dc which has really helped although you can never replace the one you have lost.

Just take each day as it comes.

Oh I'm so sorry.

Nothing to add to the advice here. I'm very, very sorry for your loss and I hope you'll take the time to contact SANDS and take every opportunity to talk about Henry.

Sosks I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious first child Henry.
We also lost our baby boy James last Tuesday, a stillbirth. It was a complete shock to me and DH as the pregnancy had seemed to have gone well.
I completely get what you are saying about feeling lost...my tummy feels empty, my arms feel empty, it's like some part of my body has been amputated.
I believe my little boy is in heaven waiting for me, and I can't wait to see him one day.
Sending you my love and a big virtual hug as you start this hard grieving process.
Don't know if this is helpful but I was casting around online for something to help me when I was feeling so bad a few days ago, and I came across this book: Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen. I got it from Amazon and it's helped me, it's about grieving.
Xxxx

My thoughts and prayers are with you and anyone else who has suffered such a tragic loss.

Thank you again for the kind words and advice, sorry to hear that others have had to go through this too

I managed to call the registry office and funeral directors on Wednesday and arrange appointments for yesterday. Managed the registry office call no problem but burst into tears on the phone to the funeral director. He was lovely though and offered to come out to our home to make arrangements and actually turned out to be the funeral director who helped OH with his mum so that made things a bit easier as they get along well.

Registry office trip was a bit messed up by the hospital giving us the wrong form but it got resolved in the end and meant we had everything we needed to give the funeral director. Glad we got it all sorted in one day rather than dragging it out.

When Henry is with the funeral director he's going to give us a call as they were donated a cool cot, so we'll be allowed to see him again before the burial service. That's given me something to really look forward to, I was hoping we'd get to see him again. Other than that we've just to wait for a date for the service and send them an outfit for our boy. All the clothes we had for him were too big so going to buy something special.

Would it be okay to share a picture of him? Sometimes I feel like I just want to show the world, 'look at our perfect boy!'. Hope he knows how much he was, is and will always be loved

My thoughts are with you, Sosks, for the loss of Henry. Also with Daffodil for the loss of James. It's all so recent and raw. Also with all the others mums who are just a little bit further along. 💐

Oh sosks, my heart goes out to you. I'm glad that you will get to see Henry again and hope that you can find a lovely outfit for him. I'm sure he knows how much he is loved.

Thinking of you and everyone here who has experienced this, especially Daffodil397 and baby James.

Oh I'm so sorry.
Please do share your pic, he is your beautiful boy after all.
Perhaps just edit the title(sorry I really don't mean to offend.)
Hugs and always remember you can come and talk about Henry on here any time.

Of course it would be OK to share a photo of him. We would love to see what your beautiful baby looked like.

So sorry for the loss of Henry, sosks. Please do share whatever you would like with us

So very sorry Sosks you and your beautiful Henry are in my thoughts

Sleep peacefully little Henry. I'd love to see a picture of your sweet boy

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP, i'd love to see a picture of Henry