Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

It's so nice to come on here & see you're not alone. I've had these thoughts all day I lost my dad in October and I said from tomorrow it'll be last year
for everyone & their loved ones
I didn't think new years eve would be this hard

When my mum died it was also in October reluctantly and it was so distressing. We had been invited to a party at my ds,s house. I refused to go, even though he phoned asking me to change my mind, I just could not face people and seeing them laughing and happy when I felt so low. My Dh went as I just wanted to be alone. I think I cried more tears that night than any other. I was heartbroken. So for anyone going through it tonight for the first time, I understand completely. It's so tough and so upsetting. But try and remember it's only the numbers that are changing tonight.. But it does make it seem a long time ago when we then have to say " last year "
I think we all understand on here. 💐

New year is worse than Christmas. I hate the fact that I last saw my mummy, held her hand and spoke to her last year 😢

It's horrible 50degrees I hate midnight as every year I would phone my mum then, she wouldn't go to bed until she heard from me. Now I can't.
The next one won't be so bad, you will still be sad, but not as bad as you probably felt tonight. 💐

Hello. My mum died 11 days ago and I am deeply in shock. She has had serious illnesses all my life so I've prepared and prepared for this but now I just simply can't accept it. She's my best friend and my rock. I can't believe that I'm moving into a year in which she doesn't exist.

I have spent my son's first Christmas having genuinely a nice, if very low key time. All the while knowing that reality is going to catch up with me. Even as I am starting the funeral process, I can't convince myself that it's really happening. I'm terrified of the moment that the truth finally hits home.

I can no longer say I lost my dad last year. That hurts so much

Hello mana and rainshower
First off my deepest sympathies to you both. I know it hurts like hell. Your loss mana is so recent you must be in shock. I think there is a period of absolute disbelief to start with, you go through the motions, you cry but still can't quite believe what has happened. But then it hits that yes it's really true and mum has gone. For weeks I would be at my kitchen window ( front of the house ) and look for my mums car to pull up, even whilst knowing she wasn't coming back.
It's a very difficult and sad time for you, especially having to deal with Christmas and the new year too.
But I think that we all have to eventually accept things and just muddle through. It's best to just get through each day, next week is too far to look ahead. Things will eventually improve but your life will now be a different life and it takes quite a while to get used to it. But you will get through it, honestly you will 💐
rain it is very sad moving into a new year that your parent will have no part in. As I said in a previous post tonight, I think New Year's Eve is one of the worst times to get through when you have recently lost someone. Nothing or no-one could of consoled me in the year I lost my mum on New Year's Eve. But as the time goes on, we accept it, we still miss the ones we have lost and always will, but it is easier to bear. 💐

I'm so glad everyone on here understands..I thought it was just me who was finding going into a new year without my Mum so very hard. I thought Christmas would be the hard bit but somehow this is worse. I keep getting messages from the few friends I have left saying things like '2017 is a new start' 'forget about last year and have a happy 2017'..it has kind of just made me realise how much my 'friends' really don't understand what's going on in my head and how lonely I am. I shut myself away yesterday with my cats,a good book and some choc but today I'm going to have to face my 'family' and I really don't want to go and play act.
Hugs to everyone..I hope you can all get through this hour by hour

Yes, I found NY much harder than Christmas. Wasn't expecting that. But I went out even though I wasn't feeling great and ended up having a nice time.

Last NY was weird because I knew it would be the year my mum died. This year will be weird because it will be my first full year without her.

I've had some Happy New Year messages. People mean well. I've long accepted that my friends (who have never lost parents) just won't get it.

Thank you Mummylin for this thread. I'm reading everyone else's posts with recognition and sympathy. What a deep and fundamental thing it is to lose a parent. We all know that it's the natural way if things.
(The horror of losing a child is another thing altogether, I can't imagine.) And yet... our parents are our underpinning in the world, our foundations. I feel adrift, even with the wonderful support of my dad (separated from my mum for 40 years but still grieving), my husband and the comfort of my baby son. I'm just so bloody sad. She was so nice, so kind, so funny. I keep wanting to ring her to talk it all through with her as I always have with everything else in my life. In short, I already just miss her.

My sympathies and a hand held out to everyone here. Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts, this new year

I am sure you all found last night very distressing, but it's gone now and I hope that you will all reach some kind of peace in the coming weeks and months. Thinking of of all the most recent posters especially at this time 💐

Anyone else feeling a bit better today? Like the calm after the storm

Big hugs to you all that feel the need to be on this thread.
I lost DF at the end of October. I'm the only child in the country, although siblings did come home and stay for quite a while.
Now, it's just me giving any kind of real-life support to DM.
I've found Christmas and New Year so difficult - seeing DM so desperately unhappy. And then holding my own feelings in, so as not to upset DM any further.
She insisted in going home today as one of dcs was coming home from xh. I felt awful leaving her.
We still have the interment of DF's ashes to deal with, and I have yet more besides, related to xh, dcs and one dc's health.
I'm managing to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but without sounding over-dramatic, don't know how long I can keep doing it.

Hello mine goodness you do seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment. Don't overtax yourself and end up being ill yourself. I am so sorry for your loss. It's an awful time isn't it. Just get through day by day for now.💐
reluctantly I am glad you are feeling a bit of relief today. I think the dread of certain times leads to us feeling even more agitated. 💐

Thanks for your words, Mummylin.

Yes definitely mummylin thanks for your words

feeling a bit lost and sad tonight, tomorrow is 2 weeks since my dad died
e got through christmas ok, though it was weird, and the funeral was a bit like an out of body experience where you're watching yourself from above, if that makes sense. i carried the coffin. which dad probably wouldn't have liked as he didn't like me pushing his wheelchair and i spoke at the service.
but new year's eve was hard, and now it's 2017 he died last year, which makes it sound like he's been gone for ages....

Hello closed it is a horrible thought when you have to say " last year instead of " last month" it somehow seems to make such a difference and it's very sad. I am sure that the mind sort of wipes out some of the funeral service. There are bits that I can't remember so I agree with you that it seems like an out of body experience. You are there, you feel distraught but somehow it still doesn't seem real does it. But for you it is all so very recent and the sorrow is indescribable. But when more time has gone, you will start to pick up and there will be more good days than bad, but it will be a while until this happens. Just get through each day as it comes and with good support, you will get through this awful time. Wishing you peace in the coming months. 💐

Hope everyone is ok and managing to cope. Can't believe it's nearly a week since New Year's Eve which some of us were not looking forward to at all. Time passes so quickly. 💐

Just checking back in to see how everyone is.
I got caught out last night returning from work, listening to my music on shuffle... Annie Lennox's 'Why' came on. Made me weep all the way home. It turned into an ear worm, so I made a (probably ill-advised) post on FB.
I know I made DM cry, which makes me feel bad, but I was expressing how I feel - all of that regret of wishing that you'd said or done something differently (not that I did anything wrong, just that I wished I did it better).
That's the thing I find so hard.

I expect we all have moments where we think " I wish I had done / said this or that " but we are just normal human beings with normal feelings , not saints and it's human nature to maybe not agree sometimes, or do things differently than we wish now. As
Ing as everything is done with love and consideration, it's all fine. We can only do our best in any given situation , and I'm sure you did that mine 💐

Well after 5 yrs I have finally started sorting out all the stuff I have here from my mums house. It has taken so long, reading letters, looking at photos of my grandparents etc. I have tried to be ruthless but it's not easy and I find myself still keeping stuff. But I have some empty tubs at last, a few more to go still though. I am glad i left it until I was ok about going through it all. Now I just want to get on and do some more. I didn't find it painful and indeed I had a chuckle at some of the family pics that mum had. I have so many knitting needles. Crochet needles and patterns which my mum had collected all her life. I can't throw them out as I promised her I would keep them to pass on to my gd,s one day. I have found some things I can actually use !!

Awmummlin that's such a good positive post

I've got dad's funeral tomorrow. Haven't slept past 3night worrying about it. It's hard when siblings don't get on as it fractures out what should be a time we stick together
Being the baby by many years I get talked to like I still a toddler and told what to do.I've not been included any of decisions regarding service nor am I privvy to songs chosen,only the hymns-"you should be able sing them even if you cry so bad can't see the words same ones use at mins funeral(lord my shepherd.abide with me)both make we weep with sadness and I sm transported back be a frightened immature 17year old that watch her mum die in front if her of heart attack.
Will prob pop in tomorrow(funerals at 10.15)
Hoping everyone's ok

Mums funeral"stupid phone

I hope it will go well still it would of been nice for you to be included when deciding the service and the hymns. Don't worry if you can't get through them, it's not a crime and people will understand.