Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

Rain I am sorry that you too went through a terribly traumatic time. It's terrible to lose anyone, but in your circumstances it must be shocking coming to terms with that.
As ssd says. You do sometimes feel resentment when you see others still have mum / dad Even more so when they say something like, I don't want my mum to do such and such a thing, and really don't seem concerned wether they see their parents, whereas all of us on here would give anything for just another 5 minutes with our loved ones. It's a strange world isn't it. Glad that you are mostly coping with the situation 💐

It's a month today since my mum died, she was only 68, I feel like it's the day she died all over again and I can't stop sobbing. I miss her so much, we talked everyday she was my world. I just wish it didn't feel so raw.

Sending all of you who have had to say goodbye to a loved one my thoughts, it's such a lonely and painful place to be.

Hi LazySusan11, I hope you don't mind me replying to you. I'm a real novice on Mumsnet. My mum passed away 6 months ago and she was 69. I'm still devastated and know I will be for some time. I do have days where I'm ok. I have to keep busy - which can be exhausting. I do go to grief counselling and I promise that does help. I had a very bad day last Thursday and a panic attack at 1.30am but luckily I had my counselling next day. One other thing that does help me is exercise of any type. I had a chest infection all of January so couldn't do anything but have managed to get for a few runs and back to Yoga in the last week and a half. I'm also determined to say yes to any invitation. Quiet times where you just think about your mum are very important too. I am so sorry for your loss. Virtual hug on its way to you from Belfast.

Hi all. I'm new here. I stumbled on this thread looking for anything that could help. I lost my beautiful mum 2 months ago. I miss her so very very much. I spoke with her every day and now there's a big empty hole in my life. An odd sad kind of loneliness that I've never felt before. I move through each day going through the motions. I'm doing my best for dd1 aged 4 and dd2 age 22 months... but Im struggling. I went to the drs yesterday as my shoulder tension is giving me horrible headaches and he suggested weaning my girl which neither she or I are ready for. I'm sure most of you understand being a mummy... I never get any time to myself.. I signed up for my parenting style and my babies come first but I'm just so so sad. I called cruse yesterday and got no answer. :( I'll try again today. I didn't think it would be this hard.

Hello born2Bmum
Mummylin will probably be along later,she's fab with words of comfort and advice.meanwhile welcome. 2months in is still raw and new my love and how you are feeling is horrible,but "normal"(that sounds harsher than I mean it to be so please don't be offended)this is a great place to sound out your hurt,anger,sadness and offload things and to share anything else you want to.my dad pass just before Xmas,my mum many years ago.you are never alone with it here.x

Hello Born I am so sorry that you have had to join us here. It's the thread no-one wants to join, but hopefully it will give you some comfort and support.
You are going through one of the most stressful and sad times of your life. Your loss is very very recent and I'm sure we will all empathise with your loss.
It's admiral that you are trying to cope, and when you gave small children you have to go on fir your children.
But we all know that inside you are feeling broken and the thought of all the years ahead without your dear mum is gut wrenching.
Indeed my own dd worries about this even now, and I'm still here !
It's a strange thing, I would wake in the mornings and just for a second everything seemed " normal " then the pain hits and realisation hits once again. Your mum has gone and we can't see them again.
You are newly bereaved and I expect you just can't imagine that life can go on, but it can and it will. But first you have to go through this terrible grieving process. Don't try and look forward, just cope day to day, that is enough to go on with for now. Cry if you need to. Find support with family or good friends if you can. Talk about your mum if it helps. I promise that eventually you will eventually be able to cope. It won't be easy. Especially for the first year with birthdays and special days, but you will have longer gaps between your deep sadness and you will see that indeed life does go on. But it won't be the same life. Also remember that your mum hasn't entirely gone, you have children which carry your mums genes and so in a way is still here. Do look after yourself, regarding sleeping and eating. Do continue to phone cruse if you think they can help you. I'm sure eventually someone will answer the phone.
And do pop on here anytime you want to, always someone here to chat to you. 💐

Lazy sorry I didn't see your post yesterday. I am so sorry you are in such despair, but quite understand it. Your life has now changed forever and it's tough to think of it. You wonder how you will possibly recover from the awful gut wrenching pain and horrible sobbing sessions.
I promise you that in time you will, you will be able to carry on. But your mum will still always be in your heart.
I can't lie and say that in a few weeks this will pass, but I can say that week by week you will learn to accept and begin to slowly recover from this very sad time. Do not look forward, just get through each day, that is enough for now. You will find, maybe without realising it. That the times between crying get longer. And then you will begin the road to recovery.
I think it must be one of the most stressful times in our lives. For me, I felt I could not go on without my mum. But like everyone else I found that the grief does lessen, although it can catch you out at strange times, even years later,
You will get stronger each week, in the meantime have a good cry when it takes you, and talk to your family and friends about it. We are always here.
Take care 💐

Hi Lazy Susan, I was much like you when my mum passed away 8.5 years ago. We also used to talk everyday and she was 69.

I promise it will fade but still be there at times. Go with your feelings and consider giving Cruse a call.

My dad's place is now fully cleared out (never want to do something like that again!)

Most of the money that was in his bank accounts being shared out next week. That makes me feel odd TBH, it's nice to get a windfall but am a bit about it. I don't want to go and talk about inheritance on AIBU but AIBU to feel so weird about having a share of my late father's money?

Going to pick his ashes up tomorrow, take him to his home while my sister and I spend a few last hours giving it a final clean, then he can spend a week at my sister's place before coming to Spain with me to be scattered at his favourite place on his birthday.

Thank you, it's so hard isn't it. I'm going back to work today, I work in abroad a few months of the year and we would be texting during my train journey and I'll call her from the airport.

I keep having awful dreams about her death yet she's awake and talking to me. I wake up feeling anxious and pains in my chest.

I had no idea this would be as difficult as it is, I thought I was prepared but I'm not, I still feel shocked she's not here.

My dad has completely redecorated their bedroom, everything she last touched has been moved by dad and that makes me angry though I know it's irrational.

She was such a blessing to me and I'm so grateful I got to call her mum she suffered horribly and I'm glad she's no longer in pain but I'd give anything to have her back with me.

morethan your plans actually sound lovely. What a nice thing to do to let your dad " visit " the family before you take him to Spain. Very touching for you all to do that for him

I understand Lazy you don't want anyone to suffer, but my god wouldn't we love them back. Even if only for a day. It's a horrible task to gave to clear someone's belongings away, and maybe your dad was trying to spare you doing it. And I expect it gave him something to focus on. The decoration was because as it was it was too many memories for your. Dad.
You are lucky to of dreamt of your mum, this has only happened to me twice and each time she didn't speak to me. I hope I get the dream you have had one day.
I do believe that grief can cause a physical pain, when my mum died I had a real pain in my heart and my legs seemed to not want to walk. This lasted about three weeks. So I can see why you are getting aches and pains.

Thanks, the last few weeks have both dragged and flown by. There has been lots of silly little things going wrong which I would have usually spoken to my Mum about. So all those little things have built up with nowhere to go , and huge things to, a good friend of mine lost her husband suddenly a few days after Mum died . It's been horrific for her and I have tried to be there for her as much as I can. I think that all of this has made the first bit go quite quickly I guess but the pain is so raw and so real I feel like nobody understands . My husband is awesome but hugely busy at work and not very good with emotions , he's mostly great with the practical stuff so that helps. We had to clear mums flat so fast... I now regret throwing some things away. I haven't really spoken to anyone about the specifics either. Those horrible last breaths and waiting for her to go after reducing oxygen. I wasn't even with her at Christmas. We were planning a later Christmas in January. I Skype her Christmas morning and she saw the girls... That's the last time. I don't think she knew I was at the hospital. I can't believe I'll never see her again. Never hear her voice. She'll never see my girls become women. Sorry. I'm wittering! It's comforting to read some of these posts and see that I'm not alone... although somehow I still feel like I'm in a bubble of silence and emptiness.

Born I can completely understand how hard it is, my mum and I talked about things we'd never really discuss with anyone else as well as usual stuff. Dh and I are house hunting and I'd send mum the link to have a look at and we'd have a chat about it now I can't do that. I'd see a picture I knew she'd love but now I can't share it with her.

Funeral home sent me a scanned copy of her handprint as I was planning on having a ring made using part of her fingerprint as the design sounds weird promise it's not! but they didn't manage to get a very good print and it really threw me. Seeing her handprint and knowing I'll never ever get to hold her hand or have her touch my face the way she used to sent me into a sobbing mess.

I see myself as coping, purely because I'm still breathing! therefore it must get easier one day right? Big hugs to you I wish I had some words of comfort, oddly in a time when we need comfort the most there's not anything anyone can do or say that will give it. Grief is personal it's lonely and it's shit

Oh lazy Susan I'm so sorry. It is shit and it is so hard. Leaving the room and letting go of my mums hand knowing that was the last time I'd touch her was excruciating. Can they try again for a handprint? Ashes to glass looks lovely. I'm not sure I'll do it but I love the idea. My girls have been playing with toy phones today and speaking with nana. Urgh.

Hard day today, finally everything out of dad's and a final clean done - keys handed in.
Crying cos I'll never go to my parent's or "up dad's" again
I'll be ok - just got to get it out.

He sold his house ten years ago (hence why settling things is quick) and rented a council flat so really there is no going back now. Mum was disabled and they were struggling to cope where they were.

It's shit-but we did take his ashes to the flat today while we finished off and talked to him. He would have liked to have been there while me and my sister were there working as a team cos we don't always see eye to eye.

Hugs moreslack

Thinking of you more, I hope tomorrow is easier. Born I held my mums hand also and when she died I held it one last time and put it to my cheek the way she used to trying to remember how lovely she smelt. That feeling of never being able to hug them again is unbearable some days.

Bastard handprint has knocked me for six, I felt shocked realising that that print is sort of the last physical thing left. Doesn't make any sense but at the moment not much does!

Thanks guys still a little bit upset today but I'll get through it.

I've never heard of a funeral home taking handprints before! Lovely idea. Take care everyone 💐

Had a rough week this week, really feeling very emotional in the lead up to the first anniversary of dad's death, back to crying every day. Really hit home his week as I have a difficult situation at work and I would always turn to dad for hos no nonsense clear advice. God I need that now, haven't slept all week, upset stomach, etc. Miss you dad x

Hugs for everyone
more nice to take dad along for final sort of his home and the plans sort his ashes
My dads go end up in great Yarmouth when it gets bit warmer.he lobed it there

We were go scatter dp m ashes this weekend but bil was too poorly with tonsillitis for the 3hr drive up(he the driver) so its on hold.plan plant couple sneaky snowdrops at nature reserve near here in wildflower meadow as a marker(not really allowed mark the spot).we need pop them on very soon and they going try reschedule couple weeks
I've been very emotional this weekend.its been hard losing his m sept then.my dad 2mnths later

Hello everyone, like a lot of other posters I have had terrible trouble trying to get on Mn. I finally gave in and gave installed an adblocker. Now it is fine !
I'm sorry to see that there are so many of you finding it tough at the moment. This is probably the most stressful and upsetting times you can go through. Do accept any help from other friends and family. But this thread is for unloading so don't hesitate.
The only thing I can say is, have a good cry when you feel like it, don't bottle it all up inside you. It may be that some if you want / need to see a bereavement counsellor. I did not go down this route myself, but I know others have and found it to be very helpful. Take care all. It's nice to see everyone supporting each other on here . 💐

I will start a new thread tomorrow as we are pretty well near the end here. But I think will be ok for today.

Here is our new thread.

New Thread Here

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