Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

I wouldn't have been happy either mummylin!!

Hi - I'm new here. I just lost my mum last month. She had gone in to hospital for a somewhat routine operation, which had gone brilliantly, but she died from complications from the blood thinners she'd been put on in preparation for her surgery. She'd only recently become a grandmother. My younger brother died in 2012 and my dad in 2013 so she was all I had left. I go from not believing she's actually gone, to total numbness to a sobbing mess - quite often all within the space of half an hour. My husband is out the house 12 hours per day, and I'm in a village where I barely know anyone. I am struggling.

So sorry to hear that Toots.

I'm contemplating getting signed off, i'm feeling really anxious and stressed. I'm barely sleeping and constantly worried about work. Not sure if its grief related or depression. Today i have a supervision meeting at work and im so scared

Hello toots I am sorry to hear if your loss. Interesting you mentioned the blood thinners as my mum also was fine after an initial heart attack. But hours later blood filled the lining of the heart and ruptured.She was given blood thinners by the paramedics when they arrived at her home .I have always thought if her blood had been thicker that may not of happened. It's a terrible shock isn't it when you think they are on the way to recovery. This new loss must be devastating for you after the other sad losses you have had. Do you have other family who can help support you through this ? Like you I also have lost a sibling. It is all soul destroying isn't it. Take things one day at a time and have a good cry when you need to, don't bottle it up.

eitak if you think you need time off work, then do take it , it may save you having longer times off later in the year. I made this mistake when my sister died. I was trying to be the strong one and never cried in front of anyone, but ten months later I cracked and was off work for about 3 months with depression. I truly feel if I hadn't if bottled it up I would of coped, and I should of gone to my doc in the first place..

Ssd. Last footi game been abandoned owing to a suspect package being found ! Dh and my brothers didn't go but my cousin did, he left here ar 8am !!

My DF dropped dead last Thursday, he was caravanning in Dorset with my DM and my DD for a few days. he was perfectly well until then. The PM says he had aspirated vomit. Doesn't seem right but thats what they have put as the primary reason but they also found that his left ventricle was enlarged. i can't accept that he was sick and swallowed it and thats what killed him.

I am due DC2 in September. At the moment I am absolutely drained and exhausted. i can't think straight about anything. I have no idea how Im going to give birth to another baby and look after it.

Hello double what a terrible thing to of happened, I can imagine you can't make head or tail of anything right now. I understand your fears about your baby, but my sister was expecting twins when our mum died, it was so sad that mum wasn't here to see them, but despite this my sister coped very well even though grieving still. I would imagine that having the babies helped my sister such a lot.
Hopefully it will be similar for you, your new baby will have your dads genes so will still be part of your dad.
But at this time , you won't be thinking like that, you have just had a trauma and will be very distressed and also in shock. Hopefully you have family and friends around who will support you, this is so important and really helps.
For now, just try and get through each day as it comes along. We all understand on this thread how devastating it is when you lose someone, and it's good to speak to others who are in or have been in your position and understand. I am really sorry for your sad loss.

Thank you for your post MummyLin. It really is hard to comprehend anything at the moment, especially as 2 weeks ago my darling dad was so healthy and was painting a fence and a garden shed.
How far along was your sister when she died? you are right its just so sad that they won't get to see them- come to sports days, come to birthday parties etc. All things that I really enjoyed about my own grandparents. I'll miss him terribly too, i just don't know who else i am going to turn to when I need them.

It was mum that died when my sister was having twins ! Although I also do have another sister that died! Life is tough sometimes isn't it. Twins were born 4 months after our mum died.
Of course you are in utter turmoil at the moment, that is understandable.it takes a lot to realise that this really is it. I would wake in the mornings and just for a few seconds everything was the same. Then it would hit me all over again.
It us a tough thing to get used to, our lives get changed forever. But eventually we learn to live a new life, but there will always be that special person missing.
I think for you it is two things to accept, your dads death and the awful gut wrenching shock of such a sudden and unexpected event. As I said in my previous post, just get by day to day. It won't seem like it at the moment, but eventually there comes a time when you have more good days in between the bouts of sobbing, look after yourself

mummylin, yes I seen that on the news and it seems it was only a training device left behind by accident! wow, I feel sorry for all those that missed the game! Dh and ds went to the big game up here too and they won, thanks goodness.

for all the new posters x

I'm so sorry for everyone new who's had cause to join this thread. Each of our stories is unique and yet we also share so much too, in terms of emotions and feelings. Double - my dad recently died in a way that I'm not yet ready to talk about but it wasn't peaceful and so I understand something of the torment that this brings. I'm now at the point of having to walk away from my childhood home and it's like layering on the feelings of loss. And I just miss my dad too. I miss my mum too, who died last year but it feels so raw with my dad right now. I have a very sad face right now :-(

Had the most wonderful hug from dad in my dreams last night, he was big, pre-cancer full size dad. Couldn't let go of him even when he started walking away x

:hugs: for everyone. So sorry for all the new members who've had to join.

I'm in a bad place but thankfully work has noticed and understood, theyve taken some stuff off me and reassured me its normal. Started getting really anxious which cant continue :(

sherbert I would love to have a dream like that and have a hug from my mum.
eitak it's good to see that your work is being so considerate towards you. I think if you find yourself getting so down Maybe a trip to your doc may help.

Thanks mummylin i tried and doctor said they'd ring me back but missed the call. Will go in after my holiday as hoping that will help. Its difficult to know what's 'normal' grief and what's depression. I'm getting anxious in situations that are normal for me and places i seek refuge which is so difficult. My local starbucks is making a killing from me as i just find sitting there with a book has helped.

sherbert what a lovely dream. I remember having one after my nan died, bumped into her near a lighthouse was so reassuring. I do think our loved ones reach out i dreams.

Mum's funeral is on friday, one month after she died. I cannot really yet accept she is not here any more, and I don't want to go. Not helped by the fact that my brothers and I have not really agreed how to organise this or what to do (Mum left no instructions). All I do is look at old photos of her when she was young - long before I was born even. I am speaking at the funeral but I have written something about Mum but somehow what I write is too much like an obituary and not personal enough like a daughter, but I am still numb maybe. I am not sure why I cannot put emotion or love into it right now.

God bless everyone struggling with grief tonight. My DF's funeral is tomorrow, I saw his body today and found it quite horrible. I miss him with a pain i never knew possible already though when he was alive sometimes we didn't get on- we'd bicker over something silly but we'd always make up. I just realise how none of that matters now but the love we had for each other.

jules it is a horrible time just waiting now for the funeral. If you really want to write your mum a personal message, you could ask the funeral directors to put it in with her. I did this with my mum, it was just from me to her. I hope that together with your brothers you can think of something suitable for the service

Double I expect you are feeling very edgy tonight and wondering how you will get through tomorrow. It is surprising how well we all seem to actually deal with it. Of course it is upsetting, but overall strangely it is not as awful as you think it will be. I think it helps because you are amongst other family and friends. I hope it will go as you want it to. It is so sad having to say that final goodbye, but your dear dad will always be in your heart, nothing can take that away from you.

Sherbert, I had the very same type of a dream recently about my Dad. We lost him to cancer in Nov and the previous 2 times I'd dreamed about him, he still looked sick. The last time, he looked full of health and gave me a hug which I knew I had to treasure as it happened in my dream as I knew he was no longer with us in real life.

I carry the memory of that dream with me on difficult days and thank my subconscious for giving it to me.

We finally got around to having Dad's ashes interred today after waiting for the worst of the winter/wet weather to pass. It was a sunny and warm day and a good group of family and friends met to watch his casket being lowered.

I still rarely go a day without thinking about him or a couple of days without shedding a tear from missing him or remembering what he went through.

charley I am so glad you had such a lovely dream and saw your dad without pain, I hope it bought you some comfort.

It really did, Mummylin. :) Of course, I woke up, smiled and then cried. But it was good to have had the dream.

I was having a dream the other day with my mum in, but I woke up and had to go to the loo but the dream was still fresh in my head, I tried desperately to get the dream back when I got back in bed, but I couldn't. I was so disappointed

Thought I had managed a weekend without tears when it suddenly came over me at the petrol station of all places. Went in to pay feeling fine and there was a tall grey haired guy at the counter, looked nothing at all like my dad but I just blurted out in a guffaw of sobbing, think I actually might have got spit on the poor woman who was taking my payment. By the time I got back to the car my husband thought I had been in a row or something, took ages to stop sobbing. Stressful time at the moment trying to find mum a new house is not going well, she is getting tired and frustrated 😟

:( Sherbet. That's hard.

There's a guy at my zumba class who's the spit of my dad in terms of body shape (pre him being poorly) and in colouring. He's one of the instructors (in his 60s, fair play to him) but he's a) not very good and b) reminds me too much of my Dad. I have to excuse myself when he's invited up to do a routine or it makes me cry.