Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

Meant to write more but was disturbed by my Dh ringing to tell me he is stuck in traffic !!
You are probably apprehensive about tomorrow, but you will get through it and afterwards , when you get speaking to others you will be fine. Will think of you 💐

Thank you.x

2 years ago today my mum died. Not sure that can even be possible. Feels like 2 weeks. Still sob for her and have crashing waves of grief wash over me. Apart from not getting pissed every day, I feel no better. The only thing that's changed is that I'm older, fatter, more wrinkled and oh yes, my dad died too. Fuxxake.

Hi trucking it's amazing how quickly the time goes by, but on the other hand things can still appear to of only happened last week. !
I am sure you gave been thinking back to the day you lost your mum. It's so tough isn't it. Sorry about your dad too.
On a brighter note I have started sorting my mums stuff and today I found a picture of my mum as a baby !!! My Gran had written on the back if it luckily. She could only of been 3 or 4 months old. It was hard trying to equate my mum with this little baby !

I always think seeing their handwriting is such a jolting moment.

Oh I have found lots of little scraps of paper with mums writing on, I'm not throwing any out ! I have managed to empty 4 big tubs, some I have thrown out , some things I can use and other I can't bear to throw away so will keep it here stacked up in the tubs ! All her last 30 yr diaries are here, most only have a few things written in them, but I can't throw them out !

Thank you for this thread, there were some very thoughtful posts coming up to new year, which I was dreading. It turned out to be not so bad after all. I thought a lot about my dad this Christmas, he died nearly 20 years ago, but l feel like the death of my mum 6 months ago has brought me back to the start.

I don't have much with mums writing, the last Birthday card she sent me and her last shopping / to do list. It's quite emotive because she was getting the house in order when she wrote it before going into hospital but sadly she never came home.

You've reminded me Mummylin, to look for my mums knitting bag next time I am at the house. I found her patterns last week, including some of dolls clothes she had knit for me when I was small. So many memories in everything.

That's strange you said about the dolls clothes as I have found a tatty old doll in my mums stuff, but she is wearing a lovely knitted fiat which my mum must of knitted. Have no idea whose doll it is / was but I'm keeping it !!
Regarding cards, I have a Xmas card and a birthday card that my mum had sent me, since she died I have put it up each year, just so I have a card that says " daughter " !!

Hi All

I feel like im coming back to my comfy living room!

Im so sorry ive not been around or been in over christmas I thought about you all on the thread.

I have struggled more around my mum the last 3 months it would have been her 70th birthday last sept and eldest turned 16 and found christmas hard but we got through we had laughs and im sure she was looking down and smiling.

As you all know Im a big believer in my mum being around and get signs and little random things happen i also feel my mum around when i need her. But i have been told im intuitive and i can pick up on things without the people being around. But even though i have that belief its not been enough for me, man ive missed her, cant believe it will be 5 years this year!!

I have been through a very stressful time with my job a new boss joined and basically was horrible, targeted me and always pulling me up when she had no need too. In the end I left after 3 years and I have never felt better, the releif to not be working there is immense.
Im having a small break before going on the work train again.
I enjoyed doing my home study online interior design course though last year which i passed.

Eldest is getting ready to do GCSE's this year, oh the fun!!

Hope your all the best you can be.
Im hoping to be on here a lot more!

xx

T how lovely to see you. It sounds like you did the best thing by leaving your job, something else will crop up I expect. The last thing anyone needs is to go to work and spend a miserable time.
I expect it was difficult around your mums birthday, they are the worst aren't they.
I passed my. 5 yrs at the end of October !! I can't believe it. It does not seem possible that all that time has passed.
It's really good to see you again so will look forward to seeing you again soon!

Hi guys.so here I am,still crying (but for brief interlude when picked up the kids,who are now upstairs playing)
As expected my eldest sister turned back to me with other sister at her side in car park crematorium.thankfully mu cousin step up to me with his wife and gave me a hug and that bought forth a couple of other relatives I've not seen in 20years to say hello
I sat behind rest family in service.it was a lovely service,I can't fault my sister it was perfect mix religion and my dad.we all tittered,I cry loads.song going in don't laugh at me cos I'm a fool,going out bring me sunshine which he used love sing n dance to back in the day.on view flowers again sisters closed ranks and I stood my daughter.my neice was kind and am truly grateful my cousin and his wife taking care if me.my daughter and er dad were invited to the wake.neither sister spoke to me(one thrust a rose onto my hand whilst telling other sister all the girls should take one to press).I'd had enough and came home.I feel like I'm finally grieving for my mum as well my dad and deal all the pain,hurt and rejection since she passed away in 1989(also in December)
My neice did text me 3ish and ask I OK and whether had anyone with me(I didn't,and won't have). She was kind but has 5kids of her own,youngest 6weeks,to worry about
To top things of dp(who doesn't live with me)text me after I'd explain I wasn't up a visit after be ignore at funeral and was drained and upset,how was funeral?er,check previous text.oh.followed by think I go visit spiritualist church tonight.words failed me.I text back what exactly am I ment to respond to "I go try speak the dead" on day I tire and upset having been my dads funeral.he's had good grace not to reply.insensitive is an understand ment.grrr
I've pressed the rose.bought home a cope the service but can't look pic without cry so put it up for another day as its him old,but well ,drink in hand smiling
My heart is crushed to grains of sand draining from an hourglass

I am glad the day is over for you still , your sisters should be ashamed. They shouldn't of shut you out, it should of bought you together, even if just for today.
The choice of music sounds good, very meaningful to your dad.
Try and relax this evening and maybe try and think of something amusing that you shared with your dad.
Just remember to cope with one day at a time, you will feel better in time.
Do make sure that you eat, even if only a little snack.
💐

ah mummalyn, so good to speak to you!! Always feel so welcome no matter what break.

yeah the birthdays are the hardest and Christmas always has a sense of loss as she was mother Christmas, im sure still is up there.

SSD - Hello!! :-D And hi to everyone else, do you remember biscuits? I am great friends with her, we meet every now and then for a coffee!

Yeah the job was awful mumma lyn, i had to get out, and boy do i feel better for doing it. it was more of a regime i had incharge of me rather than management.

How are you, how have you been?

apologies anyone Ive missed sending out a hand for you and thinking of you all xx

Oh yes I remember biscuits please say hello to her from me. Are you still living in the same area ? My sister has now moved down here, been here a couple of years. Not that it makes much difference, I still hardly see her !! But she still does come to your area as her in laws live there. My sisters twins are now nearly 5 ! It dosent seem possible.
Where do you and biscuits meet for coffee. Is it the cafe in the little shopping place we discussed before. I think there is a florist next door to the cafe !! I would have a break from work until something crops up that you will enjoy doing as well as earning money !
It s really lovely to see you.💐

No we dont go to that cafe, i will tell her you said hello I remember when your sister moved from here cant believe thats 2 years now!!

hows the snow there? It was pretty bad here in Kent, still hanging about now too!!
Im going into our local school to help reading with the kiddies, im trying this to see if i want to be a TA i feel im at a cross roads. But feel so much better to not be in my job!! xx

I envy you your snow T. It always passes us by down here and I really love it !!
That's good to be able to have a try out at the school. I know it wouldn't be for me , far too many children 😀 But don't rush into anything until you are sure it's what you want to do. Would that be part time or full time ?
It's a bit cold here today, which I don't like too much. But please do the decent thing and send me your allocation of snow !!!!!

We had snow mummylin from 8.30-10.30.gone by time pick kids up though.sadly entire duration if what can only describe as blizzard I was walk to and fro gp with dd2,and it stop as we returned to our street cold and wet (typical)
I'm struggling a bit.waves sadness crash over me and keep crying.
I've row with dp over money too.my dads insurance doesn't cover full cist funeral.I feel I should pay a third excess.he feels as I wasn't involved I shouldn't.he was still my dad and I not a petty person. I know its the right thing to do

If it will make you feel better that you have contributed and you can afford to do that then go ahead and offer to pay towards the funeral. I do see where your Dp is coming from, but it's how youfeel that is important.
You have to do what you feel is the right thing to do.i would try and discuss it with your siblings despite them leaving you out with the arrangements.even if you offer and they say no, you will know that at least you made the offer, so they can't turn round at a later date and moan. Good luck in your decision.do what is right for you 💐

I lost my mum aged 59 on the 13th of this month. It's not fair. I'm so sad.I've also come down a horrible cold and am really struggling. My dd will be 4 in February and she understands to certain extent but keeps asking if grangran will be alive again soon.

Hello MrsG I am sorry for your devastating loss. I found if to be the most heartbreaking time I have ever had.
That is very sad that your child thinks her dear Gran may come back again, if only it were possible.
It is very early days for you and it takes a while to sink in that yes this really has happened, despite you feeling so sad about I, it's just hard to believe.
Your poor Mum, far too young to lose her life and for you to lose her at that age.
Sadly there are things in this life none of us can control, and of course death is one of them. I hope you have plenty of RL support , someone to lend you their shoulder. This is where friends and family show their true colours. You now need their support, let's hope they are good friends to
you.
I can only say for you to get through one day at a time for now, it is hard trying to look ahead when you are so upset, so don't.
Do make sure that you feed yourself, even if it's only little snacks, you do need to have something, and try and get a good sleep.💐

Hope you are ok MrsG and that you are being supported in these early days

Hope all the recent posters are settling down a little bit and still getting RL support. It's really needed at this sad time in your lives

Hi everyone.not only did we lose my dad DEC,but dp lost his mum to cancer sept.she would've been 70today.he's not talking/angry at mo.I took kids to our (very)local nature reserve where grandma used feed the birds.we took bread and sprinkled it in the grass And said prayers.I wanted her birthday to be a day to celebrate her life and what she loved.on the way back sun shone thru the clouds and you could see rays.dd2 comment that makes her think of heaven which comforted her and made us all smile.just wanted to share the thought that birthdays are tough,but its good to try and see them as positives when we are ready. Without a birthday,we would never had chance share them in our lives.we wouldn't even exist,or our children without them.we are grateful today for grandma Polly life.grateful for having dp and our children.xx

It sounds good that you were able to take something positive on what sometimes is a sad day. It sounds lovely what your dd said about heaven ! I hope your DP managed to be positive too thinking of his mum.