Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

That is a lovely post jbee and there are things you wrote that most of us will relate to. There is no doubt that for everyone facing their first Xmas without that someone special, it is a tough day, but you will all get through it, even if at times you have a few tears, that is fine.

For everyone who has posted here over the last year, I wish you the best Christmas you can possibly have in the circumstances. Thankyou to all for helping others just by posting here and giving support to everyone else. I don't know what I personally would of done in the beginning without this thread, so I hope others have also found it helped in some small way. 🌹

To my Mum, I miss and love you mum, you are in my thoughts every single day, my life feels incomplete without you, but I know you would want us all to carry on. Lin 💐 xxxx

hello everyone,

i've woken up today and feel like i've been punched in the heart. i miss my mum so much. this feeling where you truly realise you're never going to see them again is just so.... weird. i've not grieved in the way i expected at all. i let myself get distracted so easily by everything else in my life and none of it's fun or brings me real joy. i wish i had more moments where i could just focus on my grief if that makes sense?

jbee - i totally understand what you're saying about family relationships being readjusted. i'm sure whoever took the ring did it to get some comfort and feel closer to your mum. i had so many fights with my brother while my mum was dying of cancer. it's tough. you both have different ways of caring and sometimes they clash.

anyway, to everyone in this thread i'm so sorry that we're all going through the same sh*tty thing.

xx

Hello alazuli it's a sickening thought when the horrible feeling of missing someone kicks in. For me, the longer time ago it happened just makes it a longer time since I have seen my mum. I understand the horrible wrecking feeling that you get. It's truly heartbreaking. But sadly there is nothing we can do, but do our grieving. It is now 5 yrs ago for me , but it still seems like only yesterday. I don't think for me it will ever go away. But I try and get on as I have such a lovely family, including siblings and we are all very close and this has helped such a lot, but it hasn't stopped me missing my mum.
I talk about her every chance I get and we all mention her. Eg " do you remember when mum did this or that " and we can have a little chuckle. But the hub of our family is gone forever. I hope you have close family too.

Alazuli - I have found the same about being distracted from grieving. St first I had what felt like a weight in. My chest. This eased after a few weeks. I function normally, hard not to with small children, and increasingly just feel a bit sad.

I almost feel like I don't have the time or emotional space to grieve.

I've stopped micromanaging Christmas though, which is a good thing.

Hope the next few days go Ok for everyone.

Hi everyone, thanks for listening to me rant before, and thanks to mummylin for this thread, which lets us get our deepest feelings out in a safe place, where no one judges you or sighs at you, we all know where each other is coming from and that's such a comfort when grieving can be so lonely

for everyone, this is a very difficult time of year but I'm really trying to count my blessings here.

To everyone on the thread, espeapcially ssd who has always been here I wish you a Christmas filled with love and hopefully some peaceful moments.
🍸 A toast to our dear departed mums and dads, never forgotten.

Thanks mummylin, and the same to yourself and to everyone on this thread xx

Happy Christmas Joanie. We've done okay all things considered. I've made sure dad had his bag of belongings, and didn't forget anything. He's got a new watch and a fleece. I didn't get him trousers, but I will, I need to read the size label on an existing pair because I didn't ask you what size to get him. Jamie has been provided with more chocolate cake than he needed, and according to Mike he's in a food induced coma! Your beloved granddaughter is spoilt, clothes and toys, but bunged up and not sleeping well. I don't know how you coped with this x3! I love you and I miss you. Tomorrow will be worse, Boxing Day was our day. I don't know if I can convince our favourite baby to snuggle and watch Agatha Christie with me but we have to start her young I suppose. I picture you dozing with your legs crossed, feet hanging over the end of the settee, full up and peaceful, maybe considering going back to finish the brussel sprouts, or about to ask me to get you some milk and some smoky bacon crisps (like we didn't eat enough earlier). I have my new jammies on - had to buy them myself this year. Good night xx

that was lovely jbee

Hope everyone coped ok yesterday and you all managed to enjoy at least some of the day. Have got half an hour and them my visitors start arriving, think there will be either 14 minimum. To 17 , we will see, either way it will be fine !! All family anyway apart from my friend who would of been alone tonight and I can't have that !!!

We had a quiet Christmas at my mum's which was lovely. Went to Dads grave which meant I got teary as he used to really enjoy Christmas and was more excited than anyone. The stone is now down and i took a wreath which he would have loved. We decided to change the routine so even had a Christmas bbq so we made it our own.

Sorry I haven't been around much am still struggling a lot with anxiety. Sending hugs and flowers to those who need them, hope you manage to get through the rest of the christmas/New year season.

2 years ago, at about this time, I was agreeing with the doctors to stop treating my Mum. I know it was the right decision, but it still hurts.

Bless her, she kept going until after Boxing Day, Boxing Day was her favourite day, we spent it together, with my dc, and always had a lovely time. I missed her yesterday, today I miss her more. I wish she could have seen her great grand daughter, she was so excited about her. Dgd makes me cry now instead, when she does things my Mum would have found funny, I just get an image in my head of her and thats it, tears.

I don't really know why I'm posting this, just needed to put it somewhere I guess. I didn't see her for a couple of weeks before she died, and I just hope she knew she was loved by us all. I have to believe she did, the alternative is too much to think about.

Hi bush I am quite sure that your mum knew you loved her, there are many ways we show love, by sharing things together, to a hug or a phone call, lots of others too, so don't worry your mum will of known how much she was dared for.
It does hurt at times like this, and like you we have a baby in the family my mum would of loved to of known, but it wasn't to be. It's fine to feel sad sometimes, and perfectly normal. Enjoy today.

Hello.I just discovered this thread. My dad passed away early hours december 21st.its a long story but due family disputes I'd only seen him couple times in last 11years.I last saw him 18months ago.he had dementia then and didn't recognise me.I saw him day before he died,and by chance was there with my sister when he left.my mum died when I was 17.its been a difficult Xmas.I feel so alone

My dad died on 21st.its been a tough Xmas.due to family politics I haven't seen hom such past 11years.I saw 18months ago and had dementia and didn't recognise me
I saw day before die(very I'll in hospital)and by chance was there when he passed away along with my sister.she's org funeral with eldest sister(I baby).I was informed when ut would be and hymns chosen(same as ones used at mums)songs picked I am not allowed to know beforehand except first will make me cry a lot.feel very alone

Sorry that's posted twice.stupid phone.apologies

Hello stillliving so sorry that you list your dad, whatever the circumstances, he is still your dad. It must of been a very difficult time for you over the last few days. Why are you not allowed to know any of the details ? He is your family, even though it may of been a difficult relationship. I think sometimes family problems can be very hard to put right,but it dosent stop you caring. Hopefully he may of known you were with him at the end. You are not alone, there are quite a few of us on here And someone will always answer you at some point. Just take one step at a time, get through a day at a time. Make sure you eat and look after yourself. The early days are amongst the worst, but in time you will start to heal. 💐

List = lost !

Thank youmummy
It goes back when mum died.I was 17 and alone with her when she had a heart attack. Long story but upshot was I was have MH probs and was ridiculously immature.I was blamed as a cause if stress,therefore wasy fault she died.couple fact I was with her and they felt guilt I think that they weren't there
I wasn't allowed mention her name and if I was sad they said you've got no one but yourself to blame
I just had shut all the hurt away and fast forward 27years I've not dealt it properly and it's biting me on bum now.
If only you could pick your family......

My DF died on early hours of Christmas morning just feel numb haven't cried yet I'm carrying on as normal
Christmas Day was weird now nothing seems real

Posted too soon don't know why I posted just floundering a bit

stillliving I do hope you haven't been thinking it was your fault all these years. That is a terrible burden for a young person of 17 to bear.
What a shame that there has been some upset for all these years. It's clearly not your fault about what happened to your mum and very cruel of your family who blamed you.

paddle I am so sorry for your loss. Every day is awful but somehow Christmas Day seems extra sad because that's when families usually get together. I'm sure you are in absolute shock, the first few days are spent in disbelief I think. I would wake in the morning and feel normal for a couple of minutes, then reality would hit and it would all flood back in. Awful and I really feel for everyone going through this.
Sadly. We do have to learn to live with our losses, but it is a great help if you have people in RL who will be supportive to you at this horribly sad time. Do you have siblings etc who will help. Do you have to sort things out or can you rely on someone else to see to all the arrangements ? Take each day as it comes, don't worry about next week. It won't seem like it now, but eventually the horrible first feelings diminish. Take care 💐

my dad died a week ago, on my birthday. he'd not been well for ages but my parents always told me the docs were managing it with mess etc

mum went out to fill a prescription for him and he had a massive heart attack.

survived christmas now we've got the funeral on friday to get through but it all just seems v surreal

Mummy thank you I think you are right it was expected but somehow surreal I have siblings who are helping but it just feels odd