Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

Hi potential yes, I can't lie, Christmas the first year after a loss is the worst one. Everything seems like such a huge effort, but you have children and as a mum I know you will be making it as best as you can. You probably think you won't get through it , but you will. You have your little break to look forward to and hopefully this will help you, keep your chin up , better things eventually will come for you

potential x

good evening all, not posted for a while but "lurking".
..
heartfelt condolences to all new posters on this thread, it will be 1 yr tomorrow my beloved mum passed away suddenly, I'm struggling every day, I'm not the person I used to be & can never see me being so, just one more hug from mum is what I dream of but can't grasp this "new" life without her, sleep tight & love you mum xxx

I lost my lovely mum just over two weeks ago to pancreatic cancer she was so strong and fought it right to the end. It was her funeral yesterday, which i found comfort that she had arranged all herself. I just feel so totally lost, i look at her picture and panic that i wont talk to her or see her again. I just dont know what to do, i carry on with the day to day things because of my three children (17,14 and 7), but could quite easily stay in bed and cry.
Im back to work tomorrow, and dreading it, i just have no interest at all.

hello meg I'm sure tomorrow will be a day of mixed emotions for you, it's quite understandable. I'm sure like some of us you will be going over things and saying " this time last year " etc. I hope you will have others around you which will help you through the day.
Theother I am very sorry for the sad loss of your mum. It is very very early days for you and it takes a while to accept what has happened. It is a devastating time.
You think you won't get through it, but you will. It's just that it will take a while. I agree that life can never be the same. I feel like that too. I have never felt completely happy since my mum died unexpectedly.
But gradually your life does get better and there is some normality restored. But it's a tough and very sad time.
I hope you have RL support, that will help a lot. Do look after yourself, do eat otherwise you will just get lower and lower. And just take each day as it comes.

Welcome to all the new posters, I am sorry that you find yourself here.
I really can't be arsed with Christmas. Everyone is so happy and planning all the lovely things they are going to do with their families whereas I just wish I could hibernate!
I have 2 young children so I am just going to get through it, I plan to order a few boxes of wine to help 😉

It's hard this time of year. I lost my Mum a few months ago, was doing OK, but I am so fed up at the moment. I kept name changing not to out myself, but I can't be bothered any more. All the cards, and the carols, an just all of it.

Even Pigs in blankets remind me of my mum, and that I don't need to order them for her in my shop.

Likewise 50 degrees, I couldn't give a hoot about Christmas, but have to keep going for the children.

Ooph.

Hello 50degrees and nine
The first Christmas is always going to be the worst. I was filled with absolute fear that I wouldn't be able to cope, but with the help of my family it was ok. The day wasn't filled with tears despite my mum only dying 7 weeks before Christmas.
The actual worst time for me was New Year's Eve. I broke my heart as every year my mum would stay up until I phoned her. I refused to go out , just wanted to be on my own. Dh went to ds,s party but no- one could persuade me to go.
I hope you don't find it all too distressing. for you both .

i agree with mummylin, my dad died 18 years ago today, ds1 was just a baby, I couldnt even buy him a present for his first Christmas I was too devastated. Its awful.

Sorry ssd didn't see your post about your dad. Hope you weren't too sad yesterday.
Have you put your little Robin out ? I had a panic when I couldn't find mine to start with, but I have it and it's on my tree. I wonder if SM is ok ?

I havent got the decs out yet but I 'll put it up definitely, you're right, havent seen sm around in ages, I hope shes all right too?
I was ok yday, I was telling a friend tonight that it was my dads anniversary yday and she said how were you and I said ok and I was really. I think it was a different relationship I had when dad died, I still had mum after he died and still went back to my hometown to the family house and had mum there. After I spent so long caring for mum it was just me and her for years and years and since shes died its like I've just lost my way and I struggle to get it back. I feel my past and my anchor is gone. I dont know when or if I'll get it back.

anyway sorry to ramble! how are you doing, how is the baby now, getting big I bet! your dh must have been delighted at the weekend!! x

He was thrilled to bits. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the final score, when I first looked we were losing 2-0 so I didn't bother to check for ages. Big day for our club.
Baby was here today and yes he is getting big, he weighs 16 and a half lbs ! He is a happy little soul, I see him about three times a week as my niece often comes round. She was very close to my mum , as her own mum( my sister ) died when she was two years old.so I think I've replaced something for her.

thats nice, am sure she treasures you x

Hello, can I join??

My mum died on Friday. Although she was poorly (Parkinson's), it wasn't something that would have killed her, but she got a chest infection and died. This time last week life was completely normal.

I just feel numb and I don't know what to do. Mum would have known what to do.

Hello sausages I am so sorry for your loss. I imagine you feel like you have been hit for six. Not only do you have the grief to gear, you must also be in considerable shock. I remember I actually felt an ache in my heart when I lost my mum.
This is so new for you at the moment, I expect it's hard for you to focus on anything other than your loss.
I hope you have support in real life , from other family members or good friends. That can make a huge difference.
Don't look ahead too far, for now just get through each day, hour by hour if that helps you, look after yourself , make sure you eat something, even if you can't stomach a complete meal and get some sleep.
We all understand on this thread, and although sometimes it may seem you can't get through this, you can with support.
There is always someone on here to reply if you want to keep posting, take care

Gear = bear

Sillysausages i feel completely the same, Mum passed away 3 weeks ago from cancer and the pain in my heart is unbearable. I feel myself gasp when i think of her.
i know people say it will get easier, but it doesnt seem that way now.

Hugs to everyone...

theother I understand how you feel things will never feel better. I have to be honest and say no, they won't for a while. The time it takes for everyone to actually feel a bit better can vary so much. For myself , I am five years down the line, my heart will always be broken, but life is still livable and enjoyable, but the ache will always be there for me as my mum is missing.
Just get through each day for now, 3 weeks is no time at all. Sometimes a damn good cry can help !

Hope everyone is having a good weekend and that you have all done mist if your present buying !

Thanks Mummylin....have found my Dad sheltered accommodation...small but he's happy...but you can guess what that means...I need a skip or maybe three...my Mum would be broken hearted to see her home being pulled apart

Oh that's so sad potential but think if it in another way. If there are things which would benefit others then I'm sure your mum would approve.
We gave all the big stuff to British heart foundation, smaller stuff to Naomi house children's hospice shop, it is heartbreaking to have to do this but comforting to know that it will help someone.
Not long until your holiday , all set for it ?
I'm sure your dad will actually enjoy being somewhere with other people when he gets used to it.

Nope need to get organised tomorrow- just find it hard getting myself settled enough to book things/plan it all....My Dad will probo be 'visiting' everyone and tormenting them ( but then I will get peace)... It's going to be awful but on the upside it won't have to be done ever again...yes a lot of it will be going to charity- plan is to bring it here then to charity because then he won't know..I'm trying to have a bit of a sense of humour about it all which I'm seeing as a tiny step forward

I'm much less tolerant than usual. I've seen a few people, who I would class as friends, who haven't even offered their condolences when they see me. I find it mind blowing

Or people who ask how I am, and express surprise at the reply up and down.

Anger may well be a stage of grief, but I might use the stage to cull the dead wood from my life.

I so agree Nineloves.. I have had my eyes massively opened and my friendship group is now tiny because people either don't talk to me at all, I don't talk to them or they expect me to be 'back to normal'... I veer between horrible me who thinks just u wait until you know how it feels and nicer me who thinks I really hope you never have to know how this feels.... I wish I could live without anyone in my life at all...( except for cats)..