Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

Hugs Mummylin...I'm glad you got through the day and had company..your family sound lovely x

Hello to everyone, sorry I have not been around much, life is hectic with young children and relocating.
Spoke to a lovely lady at cruse- actually that is a total lie. I cried down the phone to a lovely lady and I am on the waiting list for some counselling. Most days I just feel like I am functioning but not actually living if that makes sense. I am still sooooo very angry even nearly 6 months later, motor neurone disease stole my mother and I just cant seem to get past it.
Time to go, im crying again!
hope everyone is doing as well as they can be x

50- I found cruse really good ( I was seen really early because I was/still am a total mess..I also feel like I'm just existing/functioning...at least now I am able to take care of the kids but the rest of my life is just me trying to get through each day so I can get back to bed and take a sleeping tablet...walking helps and crying...walking and crying I do a lot...my kids are older so they pick up a lot on my emotions but they also understand more so give me a bit of a by ball if I'm having a 'bad day'..it makes me feel guilty but it also teaches them empathy I guess..as my current counsellor keeps saying to me..give it time,be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve for as long as you need...

Hi all, am so glad that my two anniversaries have now gone. How is it possible to have two important losses within just a couple of days, albeit years apart ! Anyway all gone now for another year.
Potential, I agree with your counsellor about allowing ourselves the time to grieve. And we are all so different in how we deal with it.
50degrees with the illness that your mum had the months leading up to her death must of been awful for you and the family to go through, so it is no wonder that you are finding this all so difficult. It's better to have tears than bottle it all up.
One way or another, somehow we get through it. God knows how, but from somewhere we get the strength to deal with the most stressful and upsetting times in our lives. Thinking of you all

I haven't cried in about three weeks. Does that make me strange seeing as my DM was only killed 2 months ago? Lots of things make me feel emotional, but no tears. Fearful I'm going to completely crumble next year when reality hits home.

Hi CP no it dosent make you strange. Everybody grieves in their own way and you may find that you are still in shock after the awful way you lost your mum. Because you aren't constantly in tears does not mean that you aren't grieving. You will probably find that something will open the floodgates when you least expect it. There is no right way to grieve. Just take it easy and take each day as it comes.

Hoping that the latest posters are coping a bit better now a bit of time has gone past. It's a very sad and difficult time for you all, but it does improve.

Hi I lost my mum last February 2015.
She had breast cancer but sepsis is what got her after surgery. My dad died when I was little I haven't truly grieved for her yet but when lifes hard like just now it comes crashing though . I sometimes txts her or walk past her house on purpose I hate the fact there's a young family there now in my childhood home I know I am being unreasonable with that. I am up at the hospital alot where she died and I always go the bench where I can see her room where she died while sitting there i can see myself run though the door the day she died. Thought this would get better by now

Hello cats I have also in the past sent texts to my mums phone ! But unlike you I have not been able to go past her house. I could not bear to see anyone else in her garden. So I don't go near her road at all.
Do you think that after this time you have managed to move on at all ? If not maybe you could think about seeing a counsellor to help you with this. The thing is by going past the house and getting upset, it's not helping you at all. Your loss is horrible and it's one of the most awful things that we have to go through, but at some point we just have to try and get on with our lives. That is not to say we aren't sad anymore, of course we are but eventually we learn to accept it.
It must be very painful for you to go to the hospital and have the vivid images that you remember, but it's also not helping you.you are grieving but are stuck in a certain place at the moment. Do think about getting some professional help.
There is always someone on here when you need a shoulder. Take care

Than you. I am on the waiting list for psychology so hopefully will hear soon the thing is I haven't moved on it fell pregnant soon after she died which didn't help I think . And to all of you

We have just got a buyer for my mums house. It's a beautiful house so I'm not surprised that of the three viewers, two have put bids in and we've now got over the asking price. But it's all so quick. She was only killed eight weeks ago and now we're emptying her house. To make it worse we have to select which items to send to her partner for when he gets a new place. He's still in hospital at the other end of the country. He's lovely and has told us to use our discretion. It's all surreal, like living a nightmare. I really can't believe this is happening.
Strength to you all.

Oh CP. What a horrible time you are having and seems like you are going to continue having for a while. It is horrible having to empty the house, myself and my brother had to do it too. It can be very upsetting. I have boxes of stuff here that was my mums, I just couldn't throw it out.
Could you list things and your mums partner just tick off what he would like. It's difficult when he is quite far away.
We gave a lot of the bigger stuff to the heart foundation, and some smaller stuff to Naomi house ( children's hospice ) shop.
I hope you haven't got to do it all yourself. Hope your mums partner is recovering well.

Oh cptart. How sad.
So sorry.
My mum died last Tuesday and her funeral was yesterday.
She was 88, with dementia, didn't even know me. So, yes, I knew it was coming.
All happened so quickly though.
Mum had a good long life so I take comfort from that.

Hello dowser Sorry to hear about your loss, but glad that you are at peace with what has happened. It must of been a very sad and upsetting illness for your mum, and terrible for you and the family. Do take care of yourself and be prepared for the tears to flow when you least expect them.

Cptart and dowser, I'm so sorry. It is just so bloody hard.

I am not doing great today. I have another funeral to attend next week and I am utterly dreading it. I don't know if I'm strong enough to sit in another crematorium, see another coffin be carried in.

My friends have all fucked off and are ignoring me. I'm having a bit of a pity party/rant fest today.

Hi Saffy I understand the trepidation of attending another funeral , especially so close to your mums. I too dreaded going to the same crem, going in the same room for the service etc. I thought it would be terrible. But strangely it wasn't . You will cope better than you think. How are things with DP now, is he still wanting to arrange next years holiday or has he realised that's not in your important list at the moment ?

Hi mummylin. Dp is being great to be fair. It's his gran's funeral we're going to next week. We are having to travel to the other side of the country, stay overnight etc. He has told me several times that he doesn't expect me to go if I feel I can't handle it, but I want to be there for him. I'm just worried I'm going to make a howling fool of myself.

Day to day I am functioning pretty well, although I have lost a lot of motivation re work etc. But I feel as if a layer of skin has come off.

Saffy honestly you will be fine, and because you want to support Dh in the loss of his family member, you will have added strength to get through it. I have often found its seeing others so upset which is upsetting !

My dear friend died yesterday. Lost a long battle with cancer...I thought she was going to go on for ever with it. She was a very glamorous 71.

What a year.
So sorry Saffy . I hope it's not too much of an ordeal.
Bit by bit we can get through this.

Oh Dowser I could hardly believe what I was reading when I saw your post. What a horribly sad time you are going through at the moment. So sorry that you have now lost a friend so close to your mum. I'm sure that you have a lot if happy memories to reflect on when you feel more like it.

Grief sucks.. I have had enough of it...so sorry for everyone who has lost someone

Are you ok potential ?

Nope not really.. Having to stay up late tonight to collect teen from party later so can't take my chill pill and it's been a rough week..hassle from my Dad is still ungoing- boot is full again... Hassle from kids 'dad'- more financial nonsence- trying to get me to end up responsible for his debts and controlling nonsence about kids...ex acting like a five year old and making life awkward..so called friends literally ignoring me if I see them...back to not eating right and just miss my Mum...miss the structure I had to my day looking after her.. Days are endless...
I'm trying so hard to put my life back together but it seems the more I try the harder it gets and the more things go wrong for us all...
Just whinging....

We all need to have a winge sometimes, it makes us feel a bit better. It must all seem never ending fur you at the moment. Have you got your Christmas break all sorted now ? If so that is something lovely to look forward to.is there anything or anyone you can see about your ex,s debts. You don't want to end up paying them.
Sorry your dad is still trying to get you to have yet more stuff, where on earth are you putting it all ?

My garage is rammed full...stuff in my boot will have to stay there until I dump it but it's things of my Mums so doesn't feel right dumping it...
Been in high court over 16 times now about finances.. Back again in a few weeks.. Because my name was put on his Debts ( fraudently) and he keeps saying he is going bankrupt but doesn't the bank etc are coming after me for the money... Judge not being much help... And all the while he constantly phones the kids demanding they see him..doesn't feed them or clothe them or educate them but will tell anyone who listens that he misses them so much and it's all my fault..
Christmas trip is semi sorted and we are looking forward to it but I'm worried about money to be honest... And finding the whole Christmas thing hard this year- trying to start new traditions for the three of us and move on from how Christmas has been for last few years but it's hard...
Am exercising too much to shut my brain up and have lost way too much weight..hair is falling out..
More whinging...sorry...