Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

its 4 years for me and I do feel its getting easier, but the after effects on my mental health is still on going, it sort of changed something dramatically and I cant get it back. I feel the world isnt as safe as it was, which is daft as I looked after mum, not the other way round.

but like badders, day to day you'd never know, I go about things perfectly normally.

only on here and to a very select few people I tell it how it really it.

it is very raw at your stage kahlua and time really is the only thing that helps heal this, try to be kind to yourself in the meantime.

Good morning all. Lovely to see you badvoc ( I just can't change the name ! ) and ssd. Glad you are both having a somewhat more settled life.
Kahlua, welcome to our thread. I am sure you must of had a terrible time at the time of the accident and subsequent death of your dear mum.
In answer to your question, yes it does get better, but it takes such a long time for some of us. But for you, you had the shock to cope with as well. All any of us can do is to get through each day, then each week etc as best as we can.
I think when we have lost someone that we love that life is never the same again and it's tough trying to live a different life without that special person in it.
But eventually, we do carve out some kind of existence and cope the best we can. Of course many of us find that some people who we would of thought would be supportive are not and this is very hurtful. Hopefully that hasn't happened for you and that you had, and still have support from RL.
It is an awful time to get through and there is no time limit for grief,we are all different.one thing we do all have in common is the loss we have had and the heartache. But with support and being able to talk about things we eventually learn to cope. What you are feeling is quite normal. I am very sorry that you have been through such an ordeal and for your loss. for all.

I know most of you won't have heard of a rock band called green day but the head singer wrote a song about losing his father - the lyrics are so lovely
Do give it a listen!
It's called "when September ends"

I have heard of them badvoc, but wouldn't have a clue about their music !!
Hope everyone is doing ok, enjoy the weekend as much as it is possible.

thanks mummylin, hope you have a good weekend too, how is the baby doing, getting bigger now? are you still enjoying your cuddles?

I'll need to listen to that song on youtube music, I've heard of green day too.

He is now over 13lb ! He is so cute and chubby. Almost too heavy for me to pick up !

aaawww!!

I wish I could get a wee squeeze of him, I miss getting cuddles that dont pull away from you and go "right mum!!" accompanied by a weary eye roll!

And having a baby in the family sort of makes the circle of life make sense, doesnt it? Even though its hard to take losing someone we love so much, seeing a new life coming into the family must help in a little way.

Hope everyone is doing ok. This is my least fav month as its when I lost my lovely mum. Beginning to get a bit edgy as the day drawers nearer. Then 3 days later it's my sisters anniversary too. God I miss them both.
Ssd I have done the ironing !!!! At last.

Nothing's really changed with me...I'm just existing...taking tablets and trying to keep the kids fed,clean and happy...the constant house clearing from my Dad is still ongoing and now he is starting to demand other things too that really he could easily do himself but it's like he wants to be 'looked after'.. He was disappointed he got a really good health report from his specialist- I think he was wanting more to be wrong so he could play up the attention iuswim...I'm trying but find it hard when it takes all I have to keep the kids looked after...
I like the dark nights- good excuse to go to bed early p,lock the doors and pull the curtains...I'm still not sleeping much even with the tablets..but bed feels like a safe place..
Whinging tonight..sorry

You are allowed to singe potential you have gone through a hell of a lot. Have you managed to sort your holiday out yet ? Sorry you aren't sleeping properly. That puts you off kilter for the next day dosent it. Is your dad still giving you loads of stuff ? You will have to say you have no more storage space for now .

Singe = winge !!!

Hi mummylin & everyone,
Bad day today & feeling so low tonight 😔on the way home from work down a quiet country lane , saw a beautiful sunset, the sun just teetering throwing out it's last golden glow of the day & instantly thought of my mum (a bright warm glow who I still can't grasp the fact, won't be here ever again, won't glow tomorrow, her light has gone, ( lost my mum suddenly & unexpectedly just before christmas last year) hugs to all xxx

Isn't it strange all the things that remind us of our loss. And for you having to deal with it at Christmas time is really sad. Everyone around is enjoying themselves and you try and put a brave face on things but inside your heart feels like a lump of lead ! But for you it's not even a year yet, so I think it's to be expected that you still have your sad days. Your mind and heart will heal itself when it is ready, it's a massive adjustment to make in your life. You will get there

My dear mum died this afternoon. She was taken to hospital after she collapsed on Friday and has been on life support since.

They turned the machines off today and she breathed fine on her own for an hour then she looked up at my dad and took her last breath and she died.

He said it was peaceful and that she was in no pain. I wasn't there because I'm a coward and couldn't bear to see her that way.

She was only 49 (although she fibbed about her age so we thought she was 47!)

Please tell me how you cope with this? I am numb at the moment and it doesn't feel real. I don't what I will do without my mummy.

Electricmelon, all the hugs in the world to you right now, I too lost my mum in sudden circumstances a couple of weeks before christmas last year, one day we were christmas shopping, a couple of days later she was on life support then she was gone, I feel your shock & numbness, this thread by mummylin has helped me no end, we all all here for you & never feel alone, I'm sure I echo other posters in saying we will help & support you 💐💐💐

Oh how awful electric you must feel in so much shock. Besides the grief. It is such a lot to take in when this happens. I am so sorry for your very sad loss. I too wanted my mummy when she died !
You will find it so hard to take in for a while, then reality will hit you. There is I'm afraid nothing that can stop the grief, but in saying that, with support it can be made bearable.
Do you have siblings at all ?
And your poor dad too. Your mum was no age to lose her life and I'm guessing you must be only in your 20,s , too young to lose your mum.
All I can say is Take all the help that people offer, make sure you eat and sleep and just get through the next few days hour by hour, then day by day.
Have a good cry when you feel the need to, it is a release.
Lastly do come and post when you need a chat, someone will normally come along

How are you today electric?

Sorry Mummylin haven't really been on for a few days. I'm alright really, just trying to keep busy.

I am only 27 so still too young to lose my mum .

I have an older brother who was the one who was there when it all happened and he is in bits whereas I am still numb and can't quite believe it. He has MH problems and learning difficulties so I have always been the big sister even though I'm younger and I can't stand to see him in such a way. I'm worried in case he relapses and ends up poorly again.

My dad is being very practical about it all and getting rid of things, sorting everything out and I think he is putting on a front.

I think it might all hit me and my dad at the funeral. We can't organise anything yet as she is with the coroners because she had a fracture on her skull and they have to investigate it. We know it'll be from a previous fall from her epilepsy but obviously they don't know that so have to follow their procedures.

I think if she had died because of her epilepsy then it would be easier to accept because we knew her next fit could be her last but they suspect heart failure (from the very new medication they had her on) which is nothing to do with any of the illness' she had so it's hard to get my head around, if that makes sense.

Thanks for asking xx

oh electric, I'm so sorry

Hello everyone

My dear dad died last night. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 3 months ago so not long really. He was 65. He couldn't eat for the last month, so I have some quite harrowing images of him in his last weeks.

I live 7 hours away from my mum and sister so it all feels a bit strange and surreal. Have two young DCs so will need to go downstairs soon and get on with the day fairly normally I guess. I feel so tired. I know I will cope having been through difficult situations before, I just have that childish feeling at the moment that I don't want to, don't want to have to deal with things and feel sad. Such a silly thought.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really, sounds silly but it feels comforting to tell someone who doesn't know me.

I'm sorry for everyone's losses.

Hello "grey" I am sorry for your loss. I expect it all feels a bit unreal at the moment, sometimes it just seems like a dream. I am glad that you feel you will be able to cope and I'm sure your young family will have a big part in that. I hope your sad memories will soon be replaced back to happier times. For now , take it step by step and see how things go. I guess you will have to travel to where your mum is ? It's a very upsetting time for everyone concerned. Take care of yourself.

Thank you for your reply mummylin - and for keeping a thread like this going, it is a very kind thing to do and give your time to.

Yes I will have to travel up to see my mum and for the funeral etc. She doesn't want my DC to come up as she feels it would make her feel like she has to put a brace face on, so I will need to find childcare for a couple of days as my DH will obviously want to come to the funeral and to help ( his DPs both died when he was 21 so my DF is like a father to him too). I find that a little hard as I have a strong need to be near my DC at the moment ( and am a bit of a wimp in never having really left them overnight before as we don't have any family near by to help and realistically this will be for two nights).

That is a difficult situation. Is there anyone who could actually come with you to look after the children whilst you attend the funeral etc. Then at least you would at least be able to see them. It is a worry when you leave them for the first time. But I am sure if that's what you have to do they will be fine. The parents worry, the children don't !

I'm sure you are right!

Today would have been DDad's birthday. He would have been 70. Last year, we knew he was terminally ill and was deteriorating, but not how little time we had left. His true current condition (complete bowel obstruction) had been hidden from him after he'd been for an appointment and said that he didn't want to hear about how things were going. I'm glad in a way as those last few weeks would have been so much harder for him if he'd known how things were going - although I imagine he was starting to have an idea.

So we had a birthday tea for him. It was a nice meal and the last proper 'family' even that we had together. Tonight we got together and had another family meal to mark his birthday.

DSis and I spread some of his ashes somewhere beautiful last Spring and we gave Mum a photo of the view there. And I went to visit his grave today where the majority of his ashes were interred and had a think.

It's been a hard day. In 3 weeks time it marks a year since he died. It seems like so very long ago and I miss him.