Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

why would they ban you? I didnt see your deletd thread, what are you not allowed to say here now?

theres always bloody something here, isnt there, for ages it was that woman who wrote childcare books and was an expert even though she'd never had kids, she was criticized here and threatened to sue so she couldnt be mentioned (forget her name), then there was the Madeleine McCann speculation, anything was deleted there too, now its the trans stuff is it?

It started when they banned people for a thread about trans people . I didn't see that. Now it appears that trans women want to be allowed into women's changing rooms and things like that, even though they still have all their male bits ! They say that they are women because they feel like one and dress like one ! It's crazy isn't it. And there are some who have committed rape and things like that. Oh and they should be allowed in women's toilets !

So because people got banned this has now all kicked off and people are saying what they think and MN don't like it. Hence the Spartacus thread for anyone who wants to stand up for women and their safety, and is prepared to be banned.

well, I'm really shocked at that!

so mn is willing to ban women and sticking up for men who say they are women?

this place has really changed since the 12 yrs I've been here and not for the better!

Basically yes ssd. And for not referring to trans as their new gender ! And seeing as MN is mostly a female site it's not on. That's why the Spartacus thread was started.
Lovely and sunny day here today at the moment, a big change from yesterday when it was dark and wet.

bloody ridiculous!!

Hope everyone, especially the newest posters are managing to cope ok. I know it's not easy , but it does get better.

Hi
Lost dad 6 years ago and Mum 18 months ago, some days I cry all day like today and I miss them so.
I used to talk to Mum every single day and I miss that, even though some days I would moan, what I wouldn't give now.

Hello sayer it's almost unbearable sometimes isn't it. You can go through a few weeks of just getting on ok, then bang, something like a song or a special day comes along and puts you right back all over again. Doubly so for you and a few others too. Like you I also used to chat to my mum most days and I miss that terribly. I still find it unbelievable she isn't here. And this year it's five years ago in just a couple of months. Sometimes the longer it gets the more upset I feel as its longer since I have seen her ( if that makes any sense ) . All we can do is just to get by as best as we can. Enjoy the better days and know that the sad days will abate until the next time. I'm sorry you feel so sad

hi sayerville, I spoke to you on another thread

its so hard, isnt it.

I've lost both parents too and I'm still waiting for the empty feeling to go. Like you I lost dad first then was really close to mum for years as it was just us two, then when she died I feel its just me now, though have my own family, the loss is too big to get over. You just seem to live with it all the time, dont you?

18 months since losing you mum is nothing, its no wonder you cry. Its just heart breaking

SSD sounds like you know where I am coming from. It's a double whammy losing both your parents plus DD flying the nest I feel so helpless and weak.
I also have a disabled brother who I don't directly care for but he has many complex needs and I promised Mum I'd always look out for him, which I do and he has no one but me, it's sad.
I have so much of their things around me as I had to clear the house, I feel guilty parting with their belongings but I have so much stuff.

Its such a big life adjustment in a really short space of time. I don't know the answer, except time, that old chestnut! I've got loads of mums things here too, I just cant part with them, I know mummylin is the same.

Caring for your brother as well must be difficult, sometimes it feels like, who cares for you, doesnt it? Its all very well people saying get a life/hobby/interests like you've been hearing on that other thread (and I started a similar one), but mum and the kids were my interest and I dont really have any other things going on . I think you sound the same, I'm not being unkind, you'll know what I mean. Kids being grown up and parents dying just leaves a gap in your life I havent a clue how to fill. Sorry, I'm not much use but at least you aren't alone

Yes a HUGE gap, and unfortunately when you are in this situation it can be overwhelming. I feel defunct, I know I'm not and she'll always need me but my point is she's not HERE around me and the sunshine has gone from my life.
Also my parents took up a lot of my time (not complaining) and Sunday was their day which I always find hard.
Yes time that great healer! I also like you (yes you're right) don't have anything else going on apart from a job I hate I just want the old days back which isn't going to happen and now I've dropped back into desperate mode as she is back at uni. God knows how I'll cope when she is travelling for a year I can't even think about that one!

The massive gap is soo hard... I cared for my Mum so now my Days are endless and with the kids going back to school that means I can't wallow in bed in the mornings.. So up early then nothing to do to fill the time...there's only so much housework I can face..

yes, I agree with you both. I cared for mum too and my life revolved round the kids who were in primary school and my mum in her 80's, I didnt have any help with either of them. Then one day mum was gone and the kids are teens who are driving themselves and growing up generally and wanting independence and I'm defunct. I know thats how life goes, but when it all happens within a few years its hard to bare, never mind hard to explain to anyone not in this position. I was trying to explain it to a friend there, who still has all her family and a ten year old at home and she so didnt get it, she just looked at me a bit pityingly. I hate my job too and all my friends there have left which makes it harder, cos they were sort of being my sisters/mum for me. I'm applying for new jobs daily.

I dont know. Hobbies and learning something new isnt doing it for me, I dont want new stuff, I want the old stuff back, I want comfort and familiarity and a safe feeling, not new adventures and edginess.

sayerville, I know what you mean about sundays.

two days after mum died, I went out to her flat on the Sunday, went in and tidied round, then went down to the local supermarket I always took her to, as that had been my Sunday routine for about ten years, I genuinely didnt know what else to do with myself. I walked round buying stuff and when I was leaving and seen the wheelchair at the entrance that I took her round the shop in I just stared at it, like I couldnt believe I was there with everything familiar except she wasnt there. Anyone would think I was mad, I had no reason to go there that day but I couldnt help myself.

ssd x I'm the same, been in the same job for years, all my friends almost gone, pressure is so hard and workload ridiculous. I am toying with the idea of a job change, I know the manager and been encouraged to apply, however at my age I feel like I don't have the confidence to try somehting new, what if I fail? So I stay trapped in my mundane job because I can do it.
No one really understands how bad I feel not even DH he just thinks I am being stupid.
I have come to hate Sundays now, even though I am not at work, daft isn't it! I just want to go backwards now and replay all the best bits!

and me!!! x

I want the old stuff back too Ssd....

...I know, I think we all do on this thread, thats why its so good to offload here and have others recognize what we're saying

Yes very true..I thought I understood because my brother died when I was young but it's a different type of sadness now because I'm a grown up if that makes sense..I thought I understood how to help other people who were grieving..I didn't..I will be a much better person because of this pain hopefully because now I truly understand unlike the people who say ' are you back to normal now?' Or it's good to see you are back to your normal self..I'm not..I'm just better at giving people who don't understand what 'they' need.. Better at pretending...I have apologised to serveral people already for not really understanding what they were/are going through..

I feel the same. I'm embarrassed, there was a neighbour along the road, a lovely man, who literally dropped dead in front of his wife and kids. They were utterly devastated. After a few months I wanted to drop his wife a card to let her know I was thinking of her, but I didnt want to upset her, and remind her of him. I didnt know she would have been constantly thinking of him and maybe, just maybe it might have helped a tiny bit. But I didnt do it and I'll always feel bad about that.

Mum died at the beginning of August and we held her funeral yesterday. I had been dreading it but it was in fact a beautiful and lovely occasion. Very small, at Dad's request, and a real celebration of her long and mostly happy life. A simple humanist ceremony and then a walk through the woods to her woodland burial plot where she now lies surrounded by trees and wild flowers, totally fitting for the country woman she always was. I will miss her forever but today feel much calmer and slightly less sad than I did. I am really grateful for the kind words and support I received when I first posted on this thread a few weeks ago. Bless you all xx

beelover, that sounds very peaceful and comforting in a way. I like the sound of the woodland setting. Never good occasions but if all goes well it's a plus, they played the wrong music at me Dads and he was a classical music lover, I was devastated.
You will miss her forever that's true..