Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

Those 'memory' things are awful I think...I haven't to steel myself to read them...

I have already lost the house Mummylin...it's about to be repossessed,kids and me are in a rented house...I worked from I was 16...managed to buy my own house at 25 which was then sold to buy the family home which he then defrauded the mortgage on..it turned out he had bought a investment house with his family behind my back and it has recently been repossessed and sold at a massive loss so now they are coming after me for shortfall.....My Mum hated him and he turned up at her funeral...no one threw him out so he stayed...he had been told not to come but he didn't listen...

Lost my dad a month ago today, I'm only 22 so he will never be able to see the things I want to do in life or meet his grand children

What an absolute nightmare for you potential I too in your position would find it hard to sleep with all the different worries. Thank goodness you are not still with that person. But even though things look so bleak at the moment, I hope eventually you get to lead a happy life again.you are doing extremely well just to get through each day. You deserve so much better and in the future I'm sure you once again be happy.
hiding isn't it horrible when you get "reminders" of what happened on a certain day. You just can't escape from being reminded of painful times in your life and you feel hurt all over again.
pinky I am very sorry for the loss of your dad, and you are so young. But you say about your future children. Your day may not be here, but your children will have your dads genes in them, and so a part of him will carry on. You can show your children photos and talk about him, what he was like, his personality etc and through you they will know him. Hope you have some support in RL to help you at this sad time.

Hi all. Really want a hug from my Mum this morning. It's been almost 8 years but it can still hit just as hard some days.

Most memories of my Mum last summer with her involve watching the Olympics with her, before we realised she was ill, so I don't think that is helping.

Several family members have also moved house recently, so the last few places where I had shared memories with Mum have 'gone' including our family home.

DH and I are also TTC and the idea that she never got to be a Grandma is so sad, as is the idea that if we are lucky enough to have DC, they will never know her.

The big events are hard pinky I bought the first wedding dress I tried on when DH and I got married, because I'd always imagined my Mum being there, and it didn't feel right without her but I like to think she knew what kind of person I was, that she'd brought me up with good values and that I'd be OK whatever I did in life.

My mum died in Feb and I've got to try and alter a top today. It's hard because I know this is the type of thing she did for everyone and I can imagine her busying around making me try it on inside out so she can pin it and then sitting st the table with her seeing machine getting it all perfectly right. Now I have to try and do it all alone by hand because I don't know how to thread a sewing machine and I don't think I can bring myself to touch it anyway. I feel cheated that I had the least time with her and I miss out on the most. She made my sister and aunty a garter for their wedding days and knowing I won't have one makes me not want to get married (when the day finally comes, I am still very young)

Hello cloud yes I think that no matter how long ago our losses It's always going to hurt at certain times. My younger sister who died at 26 left a little two year old, who became a mum herself last week. When I went to the crem to do my sisters and mums flowers, I told both of them that a) my sister was now a nan and b) my mum has another little great grandson. This new baby will always know about his past relations,even now sadly he won't know them in life. It is upsetting for you to know your mum won't be here to meet any children you have, but they can still know about her from you. Good luck Ttc. Do let us know how you get on

Hello wicker sorry for your recent loss. I too felt my mums loss as there were certain things she would do for me, for instance if I went wrong with a knitting pattern, which I normally did, my mum would put it right every time. Now I won't knit. So I do understand about the sewing machine problem. I wish I had taken more notice at the time about certain things !
Is it possible that you could borrow your sisters garter ? Or do you have any material that your mum had that you could try and make a garter out of that ? I realise it wouldn't be quite the same but maybe that would be an option.

I could borrow hers that's what I'd always planes in my head to do, but I do actually have the material she used to make my sisters as well. It's in her sewing box (that I have to use today). My mum taught me how to knit but I never could knit well! She always had to start me off and show me two or three times so I could get back in the rhythm.

Maybe you have a friend that could use the material to make you a garter if you don't want to do it yourself, I am useless at sewing, always have been, also useless at starting off crochet ! My mum used to do that for me, now I struggle although once I get going I'm ok.

Thanks Mummylin

Congratulations on your new grand-nephew!

I like thinking that if DH and I are lucky enough to have a baby, they will have some of my Mum's genes, so although they will be their own little person there will be a bit of Mum carrying on (and maybe some characteristics as they get older that I can tell them they have in common with their Grandma!).

Yes that is exactly it cloud your children will have some of your mums personality so she will still be with you. So you see , she will never be entirely gone from you.

Hope everyone is managing to cope and getting by day by day.

Hi Mummylin...a little bit of positive news..at least I hope it's positive...My Mum hated the work and the fuss of Christmas...I was totally dreading Christmas this year and it seems to be coming up so fast I was stressing about how I was going to get kids and me through it with a smile on my face...anyway we were talking about starting a new type of Christmas tradition this year more suitable to our new 'normal' and have decided to go away to get away from it all..just me and the kids..we are now planning our trip and it has given us all a well needed lift..

How's the baby?

That's a nice update potential now you can look ahead and do your planning ! Something nice to focus on. I think you can do with a break after the time you have been having.where have you decided to go or haven't you yet ?
Baby is doing well and has now overtaken his birthweight. Think niece is struggling a little bit as her wound has opened and her Dh has had to go back to work now. But I think he will be home for a few days after Thursday. He is so cute.

Your poor neice- it's never easy..it must be doubly hard missing her Mum.. and in massive quantities
We are going to London

It will be lovely for you, all your meals cooked, no washing up etc. Maybe a show or something. How exciting. How long will you go for ? Will you stay for new year or come home after Boxing Day ?

Staying Until mid week ... Taking a bit of a chance that their 'dad' won't take me to court over seeing them but it's in the kids best interests after a difficult year so will hopefully be ok plus their wishes will be listened too... Show is booked for Christmas Eve.. McDonald's for Christmas dinner!

All sounds great, and the show is a great start to the Christmas holiday ( literally for you ! ). I hope you don't get ant awkwardness from your ex. He will have to have them another time. But he knows about all your probs so should be understanding unless he is an utter arse.

I doubt he will be understanding...

So he must be the arse !! Just plan your lovely break and disregard him ! He will have to suck it up. Have you actually booked anywhere yet or are you still looking and planning ? Having something nice to look forward to will give you and your children a huge boost.

'Arse" is an understatement but I'm too polite to say what he should be called on here....he has already asked via solicitor what my inheritance was from my Mum ( wasn't any)..this is the person who my Mum hated because of how badly he ended up treating me...he was told not to come to her funeral but came anyway... Kids and me had to move out of family home this year into rented and I'm now probably going to have to be made bankrupt because of his continued financial nonsense... Heard today that he is taking me back to court over contact because kids have now refused to have anything to do with him so he will fight me about Christmas....
Hotel is booked and paid for, flights booked and show tickets got already...the joys of not sleeping mean I have far too much time to google..
My Mum would tell me to go...

I too would call him different names if we were on a different thread ! How bloody rude and insensitive to want to know what your mum left you. Glad you have booked everything up and I'm sure you will have a great time. I don't know the ages of your kids but if they don't want to see him surely that is their choice. What a *t to put you and your children through all of this. First letter is a c !!!

...he's Mr Entitled..it's all about him..like coming to my Mums funeral when he had been asked to stay away..he hadn't spoken to her in over eight years but 'he was upset'... Kids are teenagers..one out of contact order and one still in..they have had enough this year hence why I'm not even trying with him this Christmas...I am finally learning to put me and them first ( just a little but I'm trying)....another day over...hope the baby continues to thrive and everyone is getting through little by little...I'm dreading kids going back to school..will have to build a new routine without my Mum to take care off during day..

Yes it will be a bit strange for you if you normally saw to your mum. But try and get some relaxation in whilst you have time sometimes.take some time for yourself for a change. Perhaps go with a friend to a coffee shop or something. Your children are old enough to say where they want to be and where they go. How rude of your ex to be so disrespectful at your mums funeral