Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

[Mummylin]

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

I'm going to try and go in to work tomorrow. Trying not to put too much pressure on myself but staying off will eat through my annual leave very quickly and I'll be more stressed then.
Dreading it though. I figure the first day will be the harder right?

It may actually do you a bit of good as long as you don't have a stressful job knuts you will be amongst other people who maybe will at least be company and take your mind of it, even if only for an hour or two. See how it goes to see if you think you can cope, if not your doc may sign you off for a couple of weeks.

It's a year next week since dad left us and I don't know how we're going to get through it. Mum, my brother and I are all in a worse state now than at any point over the past year. Since August started I've had this horrible on edge feeling in my stomach. I'm off work on the actual anniversary day and now I'm thinking I'd have been better at work to keep me distracted.

I'm still SO angry, then despairing, and then every other emotion. But mainly angry. I don't want counselling as I can't think of anything I'd like to do less than talk to a stranger about any of this.

I know I was lucky to have him so long, I know that grief is the price you pay for love, I know that it's great that I had a dad worth missing, but how the hell do I live the rest of my life without speaking to him?

My newly 8 year old DC asked last week "would you rather see grandad again but not be able to speak to him, or speak to him and not be able to see him?" I almost drove the car off the road. My wee one misses his grandad hugely too maybe because he's not as equipped to deal with this as the teenagers are. Then again, I don't know if anyone is ever equipped for a bomb being dropped on their wee family like this

Hello hiding you have the worst day ahead of you. You cannot stop your mind going back and saying " this time last year " it's extremely painful and I feel for you.
It is horrible looking forward to the future years knowing that we can't see our loved one again.
But what I can say is that I am nearly at 5 yrs from losing my mum, of course I miss her dearly and wish she was here, but I too felt like you and could not imagine a life without her in it. But eventually I have finally accepted that I won't / can't see her again.
You will eventually feel differently but at the moment you haven't even reached the end of the first year. So give yourself time. But you will never forget or stop loving him.

Hello, everyone. My birthday today - first in however many years that my DF hasn't been here. Lots of tears and just overwhelmingly sad. Early night and tomorrow's another day I think.

Just wanted to wish you a Happy birthday Avon..have been trying to think of another way of wording it instead of happy but my brain doesn't work at this time of the night...I'm in bed too..it's where I feel safest.. Hope you got through ok and are tucked up in bed warm and safe..yes another day tomorrow...

Potentialmadcatlady

Thanks Avon.. for you...( hope that works haven't used it before)

Happy Birthday Avon - my birthday was a week after my dads funeral (held on DC1's 16 birthday) and I couldn't open presents or cards. I knew mum would have written a card from only her and I didn't want to open it and face it.

for you. Every single previous celebration is just so hard to get through xx

Evening all & Happy Birthday Avon 💐 I know where you are coming from, it was my birthday 2 weeks ago, the same day as my mum's & the 1st I celebrated on my own 🙁 Really tough day for me today, just feel lost & so down, the feelings of panic & despair have been with me all day with no particular trigger 🙁..... tomorrow is another day.....

Morning everyone,hope we all made it to this new day..I'm not actually out of bed yet,just can't face getting up..need to start making an effort to get into some sort of routine and face things properly again but I'm just not there yet..I'm trying to do one constructive thing everyday which is pathetic because I used to be busy all day long..now I just keep lying in bed wasting time...the bad news just keeps coming, would be nice to have one day of positive news

Just a nice bit of news amongst the sadness. The dd of my sister that died had her first baby this morning. For us siblings it was tinged with " if only, s " but we know our sister would of been so proud of her dd who was only two when my sister died. It has been a traumatic 24 hrs as things didn't go straight forward but all is well now. So will catch up on thread tomorrow.

Ah Mummylin, the circle of life! Glad to hear some good news. In our family, for everyone who has left, another has come in, as I guess it should be

Lovely news Mummylin

Happy news xx

Oh God - it's back to school tomorrow for me, I've done nothing that I told my HT that I would over the holidays, I've spent the time being a very slack parent and doing a lot of naval gazing, and it's Dad's first anniversary on Friday. I don't work Friday's and now I'm thinking maybe it would have been better if I did. I can feel the panicky butterflies in my stomach already . It's just a day, nothing is going to happen/change, so why do I feel so....awful? I can't believe that it's been a year whilst also thinking that it's been decades since I last spoke to him.

Have had a terrible dream about mum. She collapsed in the garden, so I picked her up and carried her inside. She reached out to touch our old dog and then looked into my eyes and said, I have to leave you again. It's been over 18 months since she died and 4 months since my dad died and I've been superficially coping but this dream has pulled the plug on my emotions. Lay in bed yesterday morning and just sobbed. Feel so traumatised by it and so irrationally angry about it cos I was just about keeping my head above the water.

There must be a full moon or something because I had a very vivid dream about my Mum last night too..it was not pleasant ( nightmare) and has stayed in my head all day long...

My friend had a dream about my dad too on the same night, so you could be right!

Hello everyone,settling down after all the excitement !
potential and trucking dreams where they appear to be so real can be very disturbing and seem to "stay " with you all day. The strange thing is that if it's a really nice dream, that seems to fade very quickly from your mind or you can't recall it. I have had nice dreams, woken up and wanting for my nice dream to continue, but it just dosent happen, hope you have both settled down a bit now.
hiding I hope work is going ok and that you are coping well.
Avon the first birthday and any important dates can be very painful for the first time. Eventually things will get better and although you will always think back on these important dates, they will be manageable.
missmeg it will be the same for you as Avon. It's quite amazing how we do actually cope with things, even when we feel so lost and heartbroken.

Can I have a little rant/ self pity party... I have had enough/ my life is crap, totally and completely crap...it's not getting better it's getting harder and my 'new normal' terrifies me that this is my life now, struggling to get through each day, trying to find the right combination of meds to numb me but allow me to still be a decent Mum.. PTSD and panic attacks, not able to go shopping/out on my own, relying on my teens to keep me company to get me out of house, friends all gone because my now ex partner decided that he didn't want to stay with the sad me..not even for a little while until I pulled myself together.. One funeral after another after another to go to... The few friends I do have left now expect me 'to get over it'... Kids no longer having contact with their 'Dad' thanks to his behaviour, court date after court date,more and more bad news about fraud he has committed, hospital appt after hospital appt for sick kid...
I want my life back, I want to smile, I want the snakes in my stomach to go away, I want to lie down and have a proper full night sleep, no nightmares, no lying there for hours, no flashbacks...
I want to be better...I want to be happy...I want to be a good Mum.. I want to be able to have just one conversation with my Dad that doesn't involve his declining health or my Mums possessions.. I don't want to be given large bags of her socks/underwear to use..
I want to be back to myself.i want to be able to help others, I want to have one say that doesn't bring more bad news...
Rant over...sorry just needed to get it out of my head and have no one in real life anymore to listen

Oh my god potential what an awful lot you are having to deal with. And all at the same time as grieving. You are doing well to even get up each morning by the sounds of it. Is there any help you can access with any of it ? I do understand that there will be people that think you should now " be over it " they are the ones that have no idea how painful it all is. One day they will realise. Is there anything any of us can help you with ?

Aw Mummylin..I don't think they will realise I wouldn't wish what's going on in my life on anyone...I honestly don't know how I'm still here..well that's not true I'm here because of my precious kids..I couldn't leave them...they have me,no one else. We will soon have to be made bankrupt because of what their 'Dad' has done and I couldn't protect them from knowing what was going on any more- they stopped contact with him...one I doubt will ever forgive him for what he has done, one doesn't know if she is coming or going....he has sent police to door and asked about my inheritance ( wasn't any).. He is no longer the person I knew...it's been over 8 years and I'm still not free......My ex partner wanted to marry me a few months ago...now I'm on my own with two kids and financial ruin....I just want my Mum...I want her to tell me it's going to be ok but she can't and even if she was here she couldn't...I'm trying so hard to get myself together, keeping house tidy, kids fed and amused, paperwork done but I just can't get myself better...I want to go to sleep and waken upon a new life....
Sorry for my self pity..today's been a hard day and the next few weeks are going to be tough because of funerals, hospital appt, court dates...I'm just scared because I don't know how to get through them..I have to I just don't know how...
Sorry I know others are feeling just as bad as me,I just need to get myself together.. Thankyou for the flowers

What about your home ? Is that safe ? I know going bankrupt isn't ideal, but sometimes it does give people a chance to start with a clean sheet. I can imagine the worry for you, my own dd has similar problems with her ex who is an alcoholic, like you she is still not free of him despite it being ten years since he left after police involvement.
It sounds like your children are old enough to at least make their own decisions. Very upsetting for you and them
All you can do is just get through each thing bit by bit.it would be helpful if you had at least one person to give you support, it sounds like you need it. You can rant away on here as much as you like, I think we all do it at some point and that is just fine .

The throw back FB thing today brought up a status from this day last year, updating everyone en masse about Dad's condition. He'd moved from HDU back to the ward. Less than 3 hours later I was driving like an idiot back through dark roads to the hospital. The what if's are very strong today