Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

[Mummylin]

I am watching the thread as its nearly full. Will make a new one very soon.

[Truckingalong]

Sleeping pretty well actually. Had a really bad day today though. I think the shock is starting to thaw a bit and some of the emotion is coming through. Find it too traumatic. Not into all this 'let it out' and cry approach. Much prefer shock and disbelief and denial! Funeral is on Tuesday.

[tilliebob]

I'm missing my dad so much. It was 8 months during the week. I nipped into the Kirkyard on the way home from work to speak to him. Why don't the words on the stone filter into my brain? I know he's gone, I was there at the time FFS, but I read the stone and it doesn't comprehend at all.

When will it?

[Mummylin]

Hi Tillie it is hard to take it all in and there is a lot for our brains to absorb. I don't know how anyone is supposed to makes sense of it at all. But they do say after the first year things start to improve. This is not to say that you won't still have your moments, but they will start to lessen. But it just takes some small thing and our minds instantly goes back to the beginning all over again. For myself I don't think I will ever fully recover from losing my mum.

[JSlondon]

Heartstrumpsdiamonds, With regard to keeping voicemails, there are apps available for saving voicemails forever. If it's not possible to forward the voicemail to a mobile, could you play the message on loudspeaker and record it on your phone and then email it to yourself so you have a backup copy?

[sherbetpips]

After going back to work last week and doing okay, not been coping so well this week with the lead up to the funeral on Thursday. Very strange night last night, I couldn't sleep but obviously fell asleep at some point because I had a very intense dream where I could feel someone holding my hands, felt like 5 minutes of being really out of it, was probably a few seconds in reality. Felt really groggy going into work today and kept weeping. Then my sister called and said she and mum had felt like someone was hugging them last night. Couldn't stop weeping so have come home to work and sob as I like without anyone looking at me! Hope the funeral goes as well as it can Trucking x

[Mummylin]

sherbert it's a very unsettling time. When my mum died I felt that although she was in the chapel of rest she was still here. Then as the funeral came closer it dawned on me I would never be able to see her again, at least I could still do that whilst she was in the chapel. Then the day dawned, I was heartbroken during the service, but at the wake I felt a lot better with everyone to chat to and speak about mum. It's a very surreal time. We did do the end a bit different because I wanted to stay with my mum until the bitter end. It's usual for the family to leave the service first. My family did go but I stepped aside and stood by my mum. And then as everyone filed out they all came to me to give me a hug or say a few words. I was a sobbing wreck. But being surrounded by so many kind thoughts and people really helped. For you it is only at the beginning so it's understandable that you feel as you do. It does get better. Eventually.
trucking I hope everything goes as well as it can tomorrow and that you feel better by all the people there to support you. You will get through it better than you think.

[Truckingalong]

It's going to be awful, not only because it's my dad's funeral but also cos it's the first time I'll be back at the crem since my mums funeral. Ive never wanted to go, so I don't go but it's going to stir up all the memories that I'd rather not.

[Mummylin]

Chin up Trucking You will get through today. I understand about going back because of your mum, I had the same worry when I had to attend another funeral in the same place, but surprisingly it was not As. bad as I thought.
You are in my thoughts today

[eitak22]

:hugs: Trucking, thoughts are with you today [flower]

sherbert i felt the same in the lead up, id pushed it to the back of my mind but it became more real.

Just popping in to see how we all are. Thoughts with you all. I'm doing ok, got through my birthday. Yesterday was hard as was parents wedding anniversary so mum was really was on my mind (i sent some flowers for her, kinda felt like dad would want me to acknowledge it). I'm for the most part doing ok, occassionally get overwhelmingly sad when i see things i'd love to buy him or hear theres a new series of his fave show.

[candykane25]

Hi all. Not been here for quite a while. Hugs to everyone old and new.
Well the storm has well and truly passed it is now 19months since my dad went. Routines have been re-established, new family dynamics have settled, the shock us mostly dealt with. My brain and body is starting to heal from the double whammy of new parenthood and dads terminal illness hitting at the same time. They will be forever linked though, every baby photo a bittersweet hear trug of what that year was like.
So now I understand the before and after. I have changed and life is different.
The word "miss" does not convey anywhere near enough does it. There's a constant dull ache, a grey cloud on every sunny day. The sadness is pervasive. I knew I loved my dad and that he was a huge part of my life and that we laughed and cried and did pretty much everything together - we enjoyed each other's company and had each other's mindset and u sets told the other inside out.
I didn't realise how much a part of me he was because without him life is grey. I fbt laugh at much. I don't do as much. I don't achieve as much. We were a great team. He was very proactive. I'm a SAHP now and he would be retired. We really should be doing so much together. My mum is always busy and we don't get on the same way - we get on each other's nerves. I love her and appreciate her but it's not easy. Me and my dad were easy. He's never coming back.
I just have to get on with things the best I can.
Sorry for the pouring out of emotional stuff.

[Mummylin]

Hi candy it's tough isn't it. Learning to live a new life. Like you I don't laugh as I used to, before I would enjoy having a real good chuckle. Sometimes at the stupidest thing, but that doesn't happen now. My life now will always be incomplete. Sadly we can never go back to what it was, but I don't much like how it is now. But we just have to get on with it and cope the best we can. But I know that for most of us, there will always be something missing now. Take care, nice to see that you have at least progressed forward.

[candykane25]

Thanks mummylin. I feel sorry for my DH, he married a happier woman.

[ssd]

hi canycane25, nice to hear from you again. You've explained exactly how I feel, I just got on so well with my mum and dad, we just got each other, I used to think it was because I was the baby but I've realized its all about personalities. I miss them all the time. Today ds1 leaves school and there is a ceremony too. I've got no family to tell now. No one from my family except mum even knew where my kids primary school was and even mum never seen their secondary school. I've never had family collect any of my kids from school since they started. Thank god for friends over the years. Its so hard, still, seeing grandparents helping out with the kids, I never had that. Still, I should be grateful I could always take them myself. My mum was so close to ds1 when he was small, I hope she is smiling down on him today. Dad died when he was a baby, but I knew he loved him too. Ds also passed his driving test recently, my very good friend gave him a card with money in it to say well done, she said I know you have no family to do this and this is what family would have done, so I'm doing it for him. I really appreciated that.

Its hard, and it never goes away.

[ssd]

trucking, I hope yesterday went as well as it could. x

[candykane25]

Hi ssd. Yes I know you feel. Re the car I just did the same for a friend who has lost her mum and just had her first birthday without her - I put some birthday money in a card for her.

[eitak22]

ssd that is so sweet of your friend.

My DH and I are planning on kids in the not too distant future. I know dad would have have doted on any grandkids as he loved all his grandkids and the carers often brought their children in if they were struggling with childcare. It's so difficult to know they'll miss out on that. Just incredibly grateful he beat the odds and wheeled me down the aisle.

Trucking, still keeping you all in my thoughts.

[ssd]

its not even the money isn't it, although that is very much appreciated, its knowing someone is thinking of your children and being delighted in their success. What makes it harder for me is knowing mum always sent my nieces a card or a gift voucher to celebrate something special and now my kids are getting to that stage their is no gran to make it special for them. That hurts so so much.

[eitak22]

SSD: That is so difficult but i agree its always nice to have someone else thinking about your children,

[Truckingalong]

It's 3 weeks since he died and 3 days since the funeral and it feels like 3 years ago somehow. I want to forget and remember in equal measures.

[hidingwithwine]

I've just realised that I've name changed due to all the DM furore, and no one will have a clue who I am on this thread now or any other actually. Anyway, just going up to the Kirkyard to chat to Dad since it's sunny and bright just now. Yesterday was one of those days where the tears just tripped me the whole day whenever there was no one around. Weird how they randomly strike.

[Mummylin]

Here is the new thread.

New Thread Here

[Mummylin]

I think I do know who it is owing to the words you have used, but I won't say in case you prefer to just use your new name.
Yes it's horrible when things all of a sudden creep up on us when we don't expect it. I guess that is something we will all have to expect now and again. A favourite bit of music, a tv programme, a certain restaurant, anything will revoke our memories, but one consolation is that we do have those to help keep us going.

[Mummylin]

NEW THREAD