Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

[ssd]

talfrynf

[Badders123]

I'm so glad you like it!
It's hard to know what to say at these awful awful times in people's lives but your mum lives on.
You and your family are her living legacy.
I truly believe that X

[Mummylin]

Ssd, my Dh has travelled up to Birmingham today along with my brothers, I bet you can't guess why must be mad 7 hrs there and back in total !

[ssd]

oh, dh has just spent 90 minutes screaming at the tv.....and that was them winning....nutters!

[Mummylin]

Our team just scored right on half time. We need these points to ensure we stay in premier league. It's against Aston Villa. Thought there would be some footi somewhere in your family !!

[Mummylin]

Is your game over then. Ours is only half time , lovely and peaceful here !

[ssd]

yes I think it kicked off at 12.30, TBH I cant stand it all but it dominates this house

[Mummylin]

Trucking and Talf you are both in my thoughts after the terrible events you have both gone through in past few days. Hoping you are both managing to cope and that RL support is there for you both.

[Mummylin]

ssd my Dh was like this when he got home

[Truckingalong]

Thanks mummylin. I've had a pretty shit weekend. A friend was meant to be coming to stay but then cancelled on me. Really disappointed. I've been on my own a lot subsequently but it's meant I've got loads of jobs done. Have got pissed and taken a sleeping pill 3 nights on the row. Gonna have to knock that on the head sadly . Official shite tomorrow - death certificate etc then other bits and bobs and away on Wednesday for a few days to my favourite place in the world.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

Hi everyone. Sorry to see the new members of our little club

Last week was Dad's birthday. It was a bit tricky but at least I was with my DMum. The first year is full of awful firsts. I remember last year on his birthday I cooked his birthday dinner and we had steak and lobster tails and he couldn't get out of bed so we all perched on the bed and other furniture and ate our dinner in his bedroom.

And we are getting closer to moving back home this summer in fact I think we are putting an offer in on a house in the next couple of days. Which will mean living a 5 minute walk from mum rather than 5000 miles or whatever it is.

Re the phone / message thing. Moving means leaving my job (obviously). The problem is on my work phone I have a really lovely voice mail from my Dad, saved from a couple of years ago. I don't want to lose it. I have to figure out a way to save it or re-record it or something.

[Mummylin]

Hi hearts can you forward the message to someone else , then they can send it back to whichever phone you will be using ?
Yes I agree the firsts of all these special days can be very sad days.
I bet your mum will be thrilled to have you so close, it will surely do her a world if good. Are you happy to be coming back ?

[Mummylin]

Good morning Talf I think that what your friend said is true. You will be able to look back and have a little chuckle at funny things that your mum did or said, of course this dosent mean you won't still be missing her, but it helps to recall the happier times. It's good to see that you have good friends and a lovely sister who are helping you through this.
I expect you are still feeling at times as though this can't be true, it does take a bit of getting used to, but eventually we have to accept it and remembering the good times will help.
In my family we often remember mum and her funny things she did, things such as the week before she died we were in Barcelona, 6 of us, including two brothers. One eve mum said she was going to stay in hotel room and do her crossword. The rest of us went out and when we came back there was a group of musicians out in the streets playing some very lively music, we looked in the crowd and there was our mum jigging away !! That is a happy memory for us, it was so funny.
You too will recall things like that as the days go by,
The next few weeks, you will probably be up and down. But it seems you have a lot of support and that will get you through.
Do as you did with your children, take them out just the same, life has not stopped for them.again I will say just get through each day. Don't feel any guilt for enjoying yourself or having a chuckle at something. All the best to you.

[eitak22]

Morning all.

Keeping you all in my thoughts especially trucking and talf. Completely understand the feeling bad about having fun. It's my birthday next week and i'm going away, its going to be hard because although last few years i didn't spend the day with my dad i always spoke to him on his phone but i know my dad would want me to have fun. Not helped by mum getting some scary test results next week - least shes focusing on herself now.

I'm back at work which is helping me a lot as its a routine again.

for all.

[Badders123]

Thinking of you all x

[Truckingalong]

Just cracking on with all the practical stuff. Funeral is now arranged and I've got meetings scheduled with the banks etc. All of dads disability equipment was picked up today and the house looks so bleak and sad. A shell of its former self, filled with a family and all the good & bad times that brings. Feeling a bit numb really. Have been taking a sleeping pill and drinking every night, which is so not like me but it helps to just blot out reality for a bit. Really got to knock that on the head though!

[Mummylin]

There is quite a lot to arrange isn't there trucking my brother and I were executors for my mum, but I have to be honest, I just went with my brother and signed what I had to, I was in such a daze. But once it's all done it's another big relief. Do you have someone to help you with all that you have to do ?
I expect at the moment it sometimes feels so unreal. You must feel very sad to see your dads stuff packed up. It all seems so final.
How long do you have to wait until the funeral ? It's so difficult waiting for the day with absolute dread. If it helps to have a little drink at night, then you do just that if it means you can get a nights sleep.

[eitak22]

Trucking hope the preparations are going well.

I'm doing meh to be honest. Not sure if its because work is busy or struggling with work as still grieving. Keep seeing crisps, beers etc that dad would have loved. Miss shouting down the phone and finding out what animal shows he'd been watching.

Plus i'm really worried about my mum too as she has some important test results next week.

[Mummylin]

Hi eitak it is still very early days for you so it's understandable that you are struggling at times, especially with the worry about your mum at the same time. Don't worry about next week or even tomorrow. Just get through each day in the way that suits you the best.

[sherbetpips]

Hello everyone. My dad passed away at 7.30am last Sunday with all of us with him. This week has been awful got all the practical stuff done and then fell to bits. Woken up this morning to a sunny frosty morning, exactly like it was when he died. Feel quite haunted by the death and I keep flashing back to it. My dad was also very confused before his death and decided that he hated my sister and I and would swear and shout at us when we visited. He was a loving dad and we had a great relationship and although I keep saying I know he loved us it still hurts like hell that our last conversations were not of love. Supposed to go back to work tomorrow, the funeral isn't until the 28th, don't know what to do.

[Mummylin]

Hello sherbertpips sorry you have had to join us on this thread, hopefully we can give you some support. I think when someone dies the first few days are tied up in all the legal stuff, then there is the lull between the death and the funeral, which frankly is horrible.
I am sure your dad loved you and that what he was saying to you wasn't true at all, he was very ill and maybe on medication which may of made him very confused.
If you don't think you can face work tomorrow. Go to your doctor and ask if you can be signed off as you are in a bad place at the moment. For some people work is a salvation, but for others it's the last thing they can face. We are all very different but share something in common,and that is the loss of someone we loved. And it bloody hurts dosent it.
It is important that you look after yourself. Don't skip meals and make sure that you sleep. This is important and helps to keep some semblance of normality, although this has now been changed forever.
I hope you and your sister can help each other through this very sad time.
I also hope that your friends and family can give you support in RL. It makes a difference.
Usually someone will pop on and chat whenever you feel the need, it is sometimes easier to write than it is to speak to people . For now just take things one day at a time. Cry if you need but it's ok to smile at things too.
So very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself

[Mummylin]

It is my mums birthday today, she used to love this day, sitting at home just waiting for all of us to go round and take her gifts. I will take her flowers today , even though I went on Sunday, can't let this day pass. Happy birthday mum, I miss you so much.

[Truckingalong]

Mummylin - such a poignant day for you. The ache doesn't ever really go away does it. Even if you manage to chivvy yourself along and be something akin to ok, that yearning isn't far away.

I think I'm still in shock tbh. I'm a lot better than I was when my mum died but I really think I'm just not processing what's happened. Had the minister here today, in preparation for the funeral next week. I've had better afternoons.

[Mummylin]

No I don't think it does trucking. It just makes you think of all the other birthdays when she was here, it's so sad.
How are you doing with your sleeping now, are you getting a good sleep or still struggling ?
What day is the funeral. Have you got everything sorted out now ?