Support Thread For Anyone Who Has Lost A Parent

(541 Posts)
Mummylin Sat 30-Apr-16 11:29:42

Everyone is welcome here if they need support for their loss. It's a thread no -one wants to join sadly, but it does help to chat to people who are going / or gone through the same thing

ssd Sat 30-Apr-16 14:06:46

thanks mummylin, you are a star for keeping this going thanks

hidingwithwine Sat 30-Apr-16 14:08:02

Yeah you'd know who I am as I use Kirkyard not any other words that can be used. Mainly because I don't want my dad associated with those places yes I know it doesn't make much sense Also it is our Kirk - that's what it's known as.

Mummylin Sat 30-Apr-16 16:12:08

We have to have somewhere to go don't we ssd and I would miss this thread terribly if we didn't have it, and hopefully between us all we do help in some way.

eitak22 Sat 30-Apr-16 23:32:53

Thanks mummylin, I've really appreciated this thread as a place to offload.

ssd Sun 01-May-16 11:25:27

me too mummylin, its a real comfort knowing people here just get it without explaining why I feel how I feel over and over , thats so wearing and isolating.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Sun 01-May-16 11:31:15

My mum died 19 years ago. Today 19 years ago was her funeral. The weather was a bit nicer!

My dad died just under 2 years ago.

It feels unfair I've lost them both.

Mummylin Sun 01-May-16 11:41:50

Hellokate I don't think the feeling of loss ever goes away does it. What we could of had and wish we still did. The only thing we can do is to get on with our lives. Although a different kind of life than what we had.You, like some others have had a double loss and I'm sure the second one must bring thoughts of the first one back. All very upsetting and painful. What we wouldn't all give just for another 5 mins / hour / day with them. But it's not possible and so we all struggle on and inside we still mourn, but on the outside we put a brave face on things. I really envy people who have their loved ones and I would love to tell them. Treasure everyday you spend with them. Because one day they won't be here and it's a hellish road to travel flowers

hidingwithwine Sun 01-May-16 18:20:28

Strange day today. I lost my Gt Aunt (dad's aunt) a few weeks ago. We went to the funeral which was surreal for a lot of reasons. Today, I'm in the middle of shopping when mum rings me to say that my Gt Aunt has left me some money. Well, I say me. She'd left my grandad some money, but he's gone, then it would go to gran, but she's gone (4 years ago, at 93) so then it would go to Dad (but he smoked himself to death at 70)...so now it goes to my brother and I sad. Her will had to be 9 years out of date because then I had all 3 of them and I had 2 full generations between me and the jumping off point. Now there's only mum. I doubt it will be a lot of money and I probably won't see it for years but the whole thing has stirred a lot of things up inside me.

Hope you can follow this drivel. I'm glad there's no work tomorrow as I feel in need of a drink for the first time in months.

sherbetpips Tue 03-May-16 12:31:21

Hello all. Well the funeral went as well as we could hope. Lots of familiar faces and lots of tears. Slight hiccup with the songs, we ended up attempting to sing Amazing Grace to the rick wakeman piano version, mix up with the organist apparently! Made us chuckle though. I got through the eulogy without cracking but gave myself a major headache and stomach ache as I was concentrating so hard on not thinking about anything but getting up there and getting through it. We left the following morning for Wales to scatter the ashes, in snow and hail. When we arrive the sea was calm, blue sky and a gentle lapping of the waves as we sent him on his way, even the roses drifted away beautifully. Could not have been more peaceful. Left mum on her own for the first time yesterday as I am back in work, very difficult, she looks so small.

Mummylin Tue 03-May-16 15:47:33

Glad all went well sherbet it sounds like a lovely are that you scattered the ashes, very peaceful. One day I expect you will have a little chuckle thinking about the song that went a bit wrong. My mum had left her wishes for what she wanted and I have to say neither I or any of my siblings had ever heard of it, so we just sort of sang along very quietly !!

Mummylin Tue 03-May-16 15:50:24

hidingwithwine gosh you have had a lot of losses over the years have you you. It's very sad for all concerned. Maybe when you get the money you can buy something nice in their memory.

I am in such a mood today dp has massively annoyed me, ds is having problems again and i just want to go and sit in mums garden like we used to and put the world to rights. I miss her so much she always knew what to do even if it wasnt always legal :D

Mummylin Thu 05-May-16 18:42:57

Sorry you have had a bad day SM, hope the evening is better for you !

hidingwithwine Thu 05-May-16 19:42:27

So today we suddenly lost one of Dad's best mates and my parents neighbour. Younger than my dad was. Mum is in bits so I had to quickly fling food at my dcs and get around there to check she wasn't wrapped around a wine box. I went up to speak to Dad first but for a wee village Kirkyard it's very busy lately and I wasn't alone for more than a few minutes. Thankfully mum is heading north to visit relatives for a long weekend so once I get her on the bus early tomorrow I know she'll be in good hands. It never rains, does it? I wonder which straw is going to break this camels back.

GinaBambino Thu 05-May-16 19:46:23

I'm so sorry for all your losses. I lost my grandma and dad 7 years ago in the space of 6 months. I still talk to both of them, it's especially hard now as I'm pregnant with my first child and I know my dad would have adored him. Equally difficult as I got married and then divorced without him being around, and I hope he'd be proud of me for finally finding the right man.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Thu 05-May-16 19:53:56

The second anniversary of my dads death is next week, and it is hard. I barely remember my mum, and I dread getting to that point with my dad.

GinaBambino Thu 05-May-16 19:57:46

kate I really feel for you, my dad died when I was 21 but I still forget silly things about him, like how he laughed or the smell of his clothes etc. It helps to talk about him even to strangers online as it keeps the memories alive.

katemiddletonsnudeheels Thu 05-May-16 20:01:52

flowers gina it's very hard. I was 16, almost 17 when my mum died. I am now 34 nearly 35 and I struggle to properly remember her.

I can even feel the rawness of my dads death slip, and although in a way that's comforting it's also sad. I do miss him.

hidingwithwine Thu 05-May-16 20:16:27

Such sadness on this thread. I dread the years ahead. It's only been 8mths and it doesn't seem real, I'm just starting to get flashes of how much I miss him and it bloody hurts.

flowersto you all xx

Mummylin Thu 05-May-16 21:25:46

Welcome to the new posters, I am sorry you have had to join us though. You all seem to have lost a parent at quite young ages., which is very sad.
I used to dread the day my mum wouldn't be here, she would often start conversations like this " one day when I'm not here " I used to hate it and tell her not to say it. When it happened I was inconsolable, I think we never get over losing people that we loved so much. But for us all it's tough to get on with life sometimes.
hiding how awful for you and your mum so soon after the loss of your dad, it will do your mum good to get away and will give you a break too
flowers for all of you.

Jules125 Thu 05-May-16 21:57:22

Hello, I lost my Mum two weeks and I am bereft. Mum was my best friend all my life - we used to talk every day. I cannot really imagine life without her. I lost my Dad in 2009 - Mum was all that was left of my childhood and early life. On saturday, it will be 7 years since my first daughter died (she was stillborn at 26 weeks). That loss was awful, but now I realise that Mum was around to support me then, whilst now I feel so alone. Sorry for anyone struggling with their loss.

ssd Thu 05-May-16 22:00:21

hi everyone thanks

Mummylin Thu 05-May-16 23:14:34

Hello Jules I am so sorry that you have lost your mum. I can understand how awful you must be feeling as I too used to see my mum nearly everyday.
It is like living a part of yourself isn't it. But for you now, it is very early days and you are at the beginning of what can be a very upsetting time.
It does help if you have good friends and family around to support you, even if it's just to hand you a tissue when you are having a cry.
I expect at the moment you are feeling you will never recover from this, but with time, although you will always be sad and miss her, you will pick up at some point. It will take however long it takes, we are all so different.
We all understand on here so don't hesitate to post whenever you want / need. There will always be someone to reply to you. flowers

Hi SSD hope you are getting on ok. Not many games left now !!! We can have Saturday's back !

Mummylin Thu 05-May-16 23:17:09

Jules I am so sorry I didn't mention your baby. That was a tough thing to go through. I can imagine that at this time you will be thinking of your baby and your mum. Very sad for you.

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