Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Hope you will all find this, didn't realise old one was at the end !

I am inching towards acceptance. Release is better than this.

Morphine has been started now. Hopefully this will help him to drift off to a better place.

Thinking of you Trucking probably going to be a tough day. May your dad be pain free and peaceful.

He died. It was brutal in the end and I may say more about it another time but all I feel right now is relief for him.

I'm so sorry for your loss.
We are always here to talk to when you are ready X

I'm so sorry too trucking. IME losing the second parent is awful. Just come here to vent when you need to

badvoc, I get the phoning to hear your dads voice, I so get it. And mummylin texting your mums phone, I get it. Its so difficult when you say something like that to someone in RL and they just stare at you like your mad, isnt it? I was telling someone in work how I still have dads cup nearly 18 years after he died and she was like, your joking right? How can you explain to someone how losing someone so close to you feels and anything that gives you a connection to them feels precious? I hate how people dont get it, better to say nothing if you havent got a kind word, than to say something stupid that makes the bereaved person feel even more alone.

Trucking only just came back home to see your very sad news. I expect your head and heart us all over the place at the moment, but you have been a real source of comfort to your dad I'm sure. When you feel like it, we are all here to support you. I am very sorry for the loss of your dad.

ssd yes you are right , others who haven't lost a parent / or both have no idea how awful it is. When it happens. They too may be like us and cling on to everything. I still have all my boxes of mums stuff !! And there is money in my mums purse just sitting there, but I can't take it out and spend it. So she has over £30 which has lain untouched for 4 yrs !

I still have the receipt of the last thing my dad ever bought me - he signed it as his card wasn't chip and pin
It was a rotary washing Line of all things!
God, I miss him

And I completely get the relief thing too trucking.
When my dads sister died a few months after him she suffered. It was awful. I am grateful dad didn't suffer, as traumatic as it was.
I was so happy that her suffering was over. It was a blessed release for her.

me too, my house is full of mums stuff (same as you ml still have money in her purse). I only threw out her washing powder last year

Hello Talf I am sorry that you are going through this very sad time. I think apart from losing a child it is the most devastating time, it certainly was for me and remains so. Yes I'm sure my mums phone is completely flat now after all this time. I have always said I was going to go through her phone to see if there was any messages between my mum and myself. But I can't bring myself to do it, same as some videos I have. I want to see her but don't know if I can bear it. One day !
It is lovely that a lot of people have come to visit your mum,, you have hardly had time to get your head around it have you, it must if been a terrible shock. Don't hesitate to come back and post when you need an ear

Talf- I'm so sorry
As I said up thread this is my "safe place" where I know that I won't be judged or told I should be over it and that posters here just "get it"
It's nearly 3 years for me and it's been very tough.
It sounds like you have a very close and supportive family which is such a comfort.
I hope my sons still feel such love for me once they are married with dc of their own X

so sorry trucking, be kind to yourself and please dont feel guilty for feeling a sense of release it is perfectly normal and just shows how deeply you cared.

sorry to see you are joining us taf, there is always someone to talk too and rant/get advice here and we understand the way you are feeling.

Ah hope you are getting used to your peaceful house there ML i know what you mean i crave being alone and things being tidy but i miss the chaos when I am, been to a dietician today, got to go back in two months to discuss and be weighed in, not sure it helped much was all things i already knew but cant force myself to get into the habit of!

Trucking and Talf you are both in my thoughts this evening, I hope you are both coping somehow.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. My only sense of relief was in the moment that he died because of how much he suffered for a few hours beforehand. There is no sense of relief for the loss of my dad - only a shattered heart. Yesterday was a day of frantic therapeutic cleaning (we're talking skirting board and wall scrubbing level!!), friends, wine and sleep.

I am so sorry for anyone else going through this too. It is brutal.

I am so sorry Talf I'm sure your mind must be all over the place. It must be some comfort that you were able to spend some time with your dear mum before she passed. That is one thing that I didn't get and it has always bothered me. It was unexpected in my case.
It seems that you are a close family and I'm sure you will all be there for each other. I think the first few days. Although you know it has happened, somehow it feels unbelievable. How can the world be the same today as it was yesterday. How can everyone just be going shopping etc. When you have had such a devastating blow ? I wanted to scream to the world " don't you know my mum just died " , it is a heartbreaking time for you and your family, indeed for your mum. Especially the speed at which it has happened.
Hopefully one day you will think that is a blessing, that your mum didn't suffer for weeks. But at the moment it's all so raw and painful. But she isn't gone completely, you and your siblings are her legacy and your mum will live on through you. You all have the same genes.
Once again my condolences to you and your family, always someone here to chat to if and when you need.

Trucking I hope your frantic cleaning session has helped ! It's a very sad time and I think acceptance takes a while. You will find yourself going over it all in your head and trying to make sense of things. And there is all the " what ifs " , I know it dosent change things but the mind is a strange thing and somehow needs to have things sorted .
I hope you can find comfort amongst your family and friends. I understand the relief that your dad isn't suffering. But also the feeling that you didn't want him to go. Your feelings get completely mixed up. I also know the feeling of your broken heart, I physically sis have a pain in my heart. My legs wouldn't walk properly. It was weird. But I put it down to shock.
It is such a difficult time for everyone who loses someone, but somehow we get through it, although at the time it feels that we never will. Sending you strength for for the comings days and weeks. Take care of yourself.

Talf I am now 4 years down the line, and although life just goes on, it can never be the same for me. I am never completely happy because my mum isn't here. I saw her everyday and she wasn't even ill up to the day before she died. Even then she was expected to come home in a few days. Then the next day she unexpectedly died. I can never forget that and it worries me that she was scared and none of us were with her. And then all the talk about more people die at weekends came out and I wonder if it had been in the week mum would still be here. These things haunt me.i can never be 100% happy again, despite me having my own family and gc.
Your mum is the person who has always been there, made you feel better if we hurt ourselves when young, looked after us, loved us and now they are gone and we can never see them again. It definitely hurts. A lot.
But as time goes on, we learn to accept they aren't here anymore. I talk about her at every opportunity. She will never be far away from being in my thoughts. I know she would not want me to be sad, but I can't help it.
And I'm sure your mum would think the same. We begin to have a new , normal life which has now changed forever.but for you, now at the very beginning it seems very cruel and heartbreaking and the future may seem bleak. It does get better but it takes a while. As you mentioned, the anniversaries , birthdays, Mother's Day, and anything like that can be very painful. Especially in the first year. Some people cope better than others and we all find our own way to grieve, there is no right or wrong way. Grief is grief however you cope and it's very painful.
However as time goes by. People may expect you to have "got over it " quite quickly But it's normally people who have not experienced the loss of a parent. Some of us found this very painful, others can be very sympathetic. But they all go back to their family and their jobs and lives not realising that for you the grief is still very raw and new and takes a while to recover from.
It is lovely that you are close to your siblings. That will help you as it did me.
But for now. Just get through each day and don't worry about tomorrow until it gets here. You will get through this.

I am so sorry for your mothers loss.
What a dreadful blow for all of you.
Like Lin, I am a few years down the line now and I am slowly coming to terms with my "new normal" without my lovely dad.
I'm so very glad you got to say what you wanted to each other. I didn't get that and it breaks my heart. I think the last thing I said to dad was "see you in10 mins" or something equally as irrelevant. In fact I saw him only 3/4 mins after that conversation when I was performing CPR on him :(
i still talk about dad all the time - he is as much a part of this family as he was when he was here.
His physical presence may be gone but I see him my brother who is the spit of him, in my youngest son who will grow up very like him I think, in my sisters laugh, in my own silly sense of humour and love of cheesy songs.
He is very much still a part of me and a part of my family and I am sure your dear mum will be for you all.
I would like to post this poem here for a you...I hope you don't mind. It has brought me great comfort since I lost my dad X

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

badvoc that is the very verse my mum left in a letter to us !

that is beautiful badvoc and I so believe every word. Nothing changes, they just arent here anymore but we will definitely see them again.