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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Loss, love and lack of support

352 replies

Mojito100 · 06/02/2014 13:56

I'm not sure truly where this post should go. It was the anniversary of my daughters passing last week. She has been gone 5 long years which is now longer than she graced me with her presence. It is her birthday next week and as others in this forum would understand I get up and go on each day but underneath I am dead and purely executing the emotions expected if me. I have cried and cried until I think there are no more tears until the next bout come. I madly love my two DS's yet one has such significant behavioural problems I feel completely alone and unsupported. I am a sole parent and the kids have no acces to their father. My family are great but don't understand my ds or all that I try to do to help him. The school do their best yet have an archaic mindset. I needed to vent and didn't know where else to go. It's one of those times I feel so helpless and just want someone to help carry this burden. How do you help those you love to breaking point and love those you have lost so tragically. I know I will get up tomorrow and put on the mask yet how do I go on now when I can't stop the flood of feelings.

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Mojito100 · 10/02/2015 23:30

You are welcome Lily.

Just wanting to share with the universe that it is my beautiful DD's 11th birthday today.

I love and miss you my darling girl. So full of promise and taken too early in life.

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LilyTheSavage · 11/02/2015 06:42

I didn't realise it's your darling girls birthday today. Happy birthday. Sending you big hugs. Brew
Sometimes life is so unjust and so cruel.

Mojito100 · 11/02/2015 11:21

Life sure is shit. But we celebrated with my nieces, had a swim in the pool and relaxed. The kids are a wonderful balm at times. I've just lit a candle to remember her and we all had cake too.

She should be here with us and the centre of attention instead of just in our hearts and minds.

Kisses, hugs and all my love my darling girl. You are missed every minute of every day.

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BradfordMum · 11/02/2015 19:27

Happy birthday to your beautiful daughter.
Sending you much love x x

LilyTheSavage · 11/02/2015 20:09

She absolutely should be here with you. Having a cake and lighting a candle is all you can do.
Night night xxx

jenmac22 · 11/02/2015 21:58

Happy birthday to your darling daughter mojito, sending you lots of love xxxx

Mojito100 · 12/02/2015 08:37

Thank you all. Roll on the end of the month. I think I'll take a couple of days off just to have some time out. It's such a big month in our lives and was even bigger with my recent trip away. It will be nice to breathe and not hold everything in, maybe even putt down the mask!

Hope you are all well too.

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LilyTheSavage · 13/02/2015 18:22

Hurrah for the weekend. Hope you have a restful and relaxing time Mojito and can just catch up with yourself a bit.
Sending you love.

Mojito100 · 14/02/2015 10:21

Feeling a bit flat today. Not down as such but just at a loose end. It's that feeling of something (someone) missing and just being out of sorts as all isn't right with the world. I think it's that feeling of being unfulfilled because my DD isn't here.

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LilyTheSavage · 14/02/2015 14:21

I think that's a really good way to describing it. Just flat, and somebody important missing. I guess there isn't any way of getting over it, but we just have to ride it.

Sorry you're feeling a unshiny. The gloss has been taken away and life is tarnished.
Big hugs.

jenmac22 · 14/02/2015 17:19

It's crap. Someone's always missing aren't they? :((
We just have to hope tomorrow its a little less flat and unshiny. Lots of Love xx

skolastica · 14/02/2015 17:26

Mojito You are truly a superstar. Dealing with grief and bringing up children without support is the HARDEST of things. Kudos to you. Lots of hugs. xxx

Mojito100 · 18/02/2015 11:48

I've been lighting a candle each night for our missing children. It's been quite therapeutic.

Feeling on edge at the moment. Actually the right word is overwhelmed. I'm sure it's a
combination of things being work and all the remember days we have in February. Feel like I'm hanging on by my fingernails. Which is ok as February is nearly over.

Had a good session with psych today. She is pushing me to look at things - not too hard but enough to help me and DS2. His CAMHS sessions are good for both of us. Onwards we go. Nearly at mid term break and his new teacher seems fantastic. So not quite so much stress there.

Was reflecting on how far DS2 has come in last 6 months and I feel true hope for him as an adult rather than the fear I had 6 months ago. Quite remarkable really.

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LilyTheSavage · 18/02/2015 20:20

Hi Mojito.
I'm just going to light a candle now.... back in a sec....

LilyTheSavage · 18/02/2015 20:25

And it's lit.

I'm sorry you're feeling on edge and overwhelmed. I know that feeling: your heart is racing and it feels as if something is about to happen. These "remember" days are hard to bear and I somethings think that the days leading up to them are in some ways harder than the actual day. Not long to go until March (and then it's my DS2's birthday....)

If I think back about your posts about DS2 it strikes me that he has made remarkable progress and is maturing in so many ways. It's down to your love and support for him. I'm glad your psych sessions are going well. It's all so hard to bear. His progress is built on your strength and love.

I can't raise a coffee cup to you all, but I can raise my Wine and send love.

Mojito100 · 21/02/2015 12:12

I just need a damn good wracking crying session I think. I just feel so empty, so bereft, so lost and so sad.

You should be here my darling girl. You didn't deserve to go so soon.

I don't know what I need, is it time off the roller coaster, is it time away from others, is it distractions so I don't think about your horrible passing or what.

Come back my beautiful girl. You are missed every second of every day.

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LilyTheSavage · 21/02/2015 19:29

And the Wine is being raised to you this evening too.

Do you cry when you're on your own? I find that I can cry all too readily when I look at photos or think too hard. Both dangerous but necessary activities.

She should be here. She should be running around and doing all the things little girls do. She should be here to be tucked up and snuggled at bedtime, and yet these simple joys have been stolen.

You are doing so well Mojito. Hang in there. Just think of how much good and support your DSs are gaining. Hold on. Keep breathing. We're here. XXXX

Mojito100 · 24/02/2015 11:02

To my darling DS happy birthday to you today. You are so precious to me. I wish your sister was here to celebrate the amazing milestones you have reached.

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jenmac22 · 24/02/2015 13:35

Happy happy birthday to your darling boy xx

LilyTheSavage · 24/02/2015 16:47

Happy happy birthday to your wonderful boy. I hope you've had a lovely celebration with him. xxx

Mojito100 · 25/02/2015 11:57

It's amazing how you can swing from one feeling to the next. Sometimes it feels so surreal.

Having had such a hectic month with lots of remember days, tears and just feeling low I'm now lying here listening to DS2 giggling his head off playing with one of his close friends and feeling so wonderful that such laughter can exist in our home.

DS1 is also with a good friend and they are happy doing what teenage boys do.

There are days I may forget to be grateful for what I have but these moments of joy that my boys are having really do lift my spirits.

This may sound big headed but it makes me realise how much I have done for them in the fact they have such a normal life and they have the chance that all children should which is to be a kid, live in the moment and enjoy life. They don't need to carry the weight we do as adults or I do with the loss of my DD.

To my boys who I cherish and love more than life itself. I will always love you and be there for you.

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jenmac22 · 25/02/2015 19:04

Aw what a beautiful and special mum you are. The love you have for all your children shines through in all that you write. It is absolutely because of you that your boys are laughing, and able to live a happy life, and know that they are so loved by their mum xx

LilyTheSavage · 26/02/2015 23:23

Your love for your boys is all encompassing and powerful and keeps them going. What would they do without you? It's testament to your strength and courage that they are now managing so well. xxx

Mojito100 · 27/02/2015 10:52

Had a wonderful day today with the boys, their friends and family. We spent the day at a water park and again seeing them all enjoying themselves gave me so much pleasure.

Ds2 and his close friend were inseparable and adorable. Ds1 and his close friend are growing into such wonderful men yet still teens who are to cool for school!

We're all water logged and hopefully will sleep well. I'm taking time out and have lit a beautiful candle to remember all our loved ones.

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LilyTheSavage · 27/02/2015 20:20

Happy day. Grin