Walking together on a journey - sharing experiences, tears, anger and sometimes even laughter. United we stand, divided we fall.

[shabbatheGreek]

This special thread was started in 2008. Its a special place - one which nobody would ever willingly come to. I hope we pay tribute to our lost children by helping each other. xxxx

Just saying hello and waving to you all, and sending very un-MN hugs. (Is there an emoticon for hugs?)

Hello lily, I've just read your posts on your thread and wanted to send a big hug right back atcha xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx We are all here for you. I can imagine it has been a very draining time for you recently.

Been crying on and off all day today. The events of the weekend and the fact the loss seems more painful today, plus the fact that my other DC have been talking about their baby has made me :(

Hello Shabbs

Hello to everyone else lurking

I think we deserve and all round. x

PS Emoticon for hugs….?? I have no idea!

Morning girls xx

Morning all. An emoticon for a hug would be great. Why are they un-MN? I have never understood that. Hugs under the bereavement section are a must surely.

So pleased to hear from you lily.

Theday, lily and others in the same space, I get where you are at and how deep that hole we fall in can be sometimes. Remember we're here to pull you out of the hole, give you a hug, a shoulder or an ear to help you through.

Take care all of you.

I dreamt last night that I was having a baby??? the midwife kept telling me - 'One more push and your fifth little boy will be here!!!!'

Woke up this morning and I have a 5 inch long scratch down my arm....that I have obviously done myself. I think I am finally losing the plot.

Someone stop the world I want to get off!!!!!

Shabbs, you need a Harry Potter bus that takes you where you want and you can get off where you like. Pop over my way. Sun is shining and the weather just perfect at the moment.

Morning girls xx

I need a lottery win!! Doesn't matter if its not the jackpot....just enough to get me, hubby and Tom to Greece for 2 weeks. This year its not going to be possible to go and I am already sulking!! x

Hello everyone

I keep opening up this thread with the intention of posting and then I can't post anything. Not sure what that is about.

Lily how is France going? You have had so much going on recently that I can understand the wish to hide away for a while.

Shabbs it is strange the places our subconscious takes us. I don't know if it was reading your post yesterday about your dream which influenced me but I dreamt that my in laws (both in their mid 60s) were expecting a baby.

theday and mojito hugs to you both. I have also never understood why they are unmumsnetty??

Hello to diamond - I read your post asking what to say when people ask how many children you have. I have also been worrying about this though no one has asked me yet (I am still avoiding social interaction as much as possible) but I know it is a matter of time. My thing is I don't necessarily want to get visibly upset with a virtual stranger though I know I will if I talk about DS2. Not acknowledging him is not an option really. He was and is a huge part of my life.

We have had a few people visiting and they do seem so reluctant to mention DS2 which is just so hard - feels like he is being forgotten by everyone except DH, DS1 and I.

Anyway I am just plodding on as always, just wanted to come on and say hi. I am always lurking too.

Heavenly, it's nice to know you are lurking as sometimes knowing what to say isn't easy and other times just keeping to yourself helps too. You will always treasure your DS and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for others to know what to say or how to say it.

I always feel like I shouldn't raise the memory of my DD with others and there just never seems the right time or situation to either. People just seem so uncomfortable and if I talk about her I want to be able to do it openly and with love but the responses I get make it so difficult it seems easier to cherish my memories on my own. It's a shitty way to live.

If anyone has any advice or experience it would be appreciated.

Evening all

shabbs Hello and sorry about the scratch and dream, it sounds to me like you've got an awful lot going on in your head at the moment. I'm sorry there's no holiday atm for you guys. Has Greece been your destination to 'get away from it all' (if that is at all possible?). I have to say I'm rather fond of Lamb Kleftiko (or however it's spelt).

mojito Hi and thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I do admire you being so thoughtful, especially after all you have been through. I hope your day has been ok, and is it morning now where you are? Are you busy this weekend with the DC's? I wanted to say, if you ever want to talk about your DD, I'd love to hear about her, what she liked, what she didn't like, who her favourite cartoon character was....whatever you want to tell. Or not if you're not comfortable but I'm here either way. xx

Heavenly Hey there, I don't get why hugs are un-mnetty either? Surely that's what is great about women is our ability for compassion towards others and hugs are part of that? I don't know?! I'm so sorry you feel like DS2 is being forgotten. I do know that feeling. I don't have any magic answers unfortunately, but what I do is make sure that I have a pic of my little one up in the house and I always bring her up. Don't know if it's the right thing to do, but I want people to know that I am happy to talk about her and that if I cry, it's not their fault if I cry - it's because I miss her. Most sensitive and normal people seem to get that. I've found that I have to become a lot more forthright in expressing my emotions and that's been very tricky and tiring at times. However, i'm learning that because most people haven't dealt with this 'sort of thing' they truly don't have a clue and need to be 'educated' as it were. I know the plodding feeling. And the lurking one.

Hello to lily, mias and anyone else who I have missed. I am sorry if I didn't mention you by name. Not intentional.

I hope all you ladies have a gentle and peaceful weekend. That we are all able to spend time thinking of our beautiful children, even if it brings a tear (or two, or three, or a flood) to our eyes and that we might be able to feel a tiny shred of peace in amongst it. Evening to you all.

Oh and a

Oh Greece - we have been going to the same hotel in Rhodes since Tom was 4 - he is nearly 17. We are treated like one of the family as we go to the same hotel.

When we get there - we sit by the pool and I lift my face to the sun and feel like I am in heaven on Earth. Within hours the song 'Lifted' by the Lighthouse family comes on at the pool bar and always, always, always is accompanied by two massive white butterflies......Now I have written that down it sounds like I have totally lost the plot. I know my sons come with us and they make it known they are there.

The local people are amazing - courteous, kind, loving - just wonderful. Have left a piece of my heart at the hotel and WILL be back to check its still there xxx

'the day' - the food is lovely - the ouzo even better!!

Yes it is where we go to 'get away', to belly laugh, to Greek dance, to drink too much - our friends there know 'our story' and they ask me about the boys. Would live there in a heartbeat.

And this weekend it's Mothers Day. The fourth special day I have to cope with this month. It's just overwhelming.

I think I'd like to hibernate. But I can't. I have two other gorgeous adult sons who need me to put the mask on for their sake. So here we go (again).

Happy Mothers Day to you all. I hope you have a peaceful day.

Morning girls xx

Happy Mothers Day to all of us.

Im sat here (DH and DS4 still in bed) thinking what Matt used to like on Mothers Day...........he would be first up and come charging in with his card 'Happy Muvvers Day Mam!!' Massive grin and twinkly eyes. that lad loved an 'occasion!!'

Tom is at that age where he doesn't get the significance....he has had a card in his room for a week and its still unwritten My eldest lad (he is 32) asked if I would look after my grandson while he and his wife took HER Mum out for lunch - I just said 'Nope!!' Feel a bit mean now because his MIL makes a massive fuss out of the day but, even though he apologised for taking me for granted, thats how he made me feel.

My God I have my moaning head on today!!!!

I hope you all have a peaceful day - dont forget we are still Mums even to our children who are not physically here xxx

Thinking of all of you today xx Much love xx

If it's any consolation, shabbs, my DH suggested that we take his mother out for lunch today, just the three of us....I asked him who is going to look after our children (who I actually want to be with,) and he suggested my mum er..no!

Even as grown men, they can be shockingly unable to see the whole picture, sometimes!

Happy Mother's Day to you all. We have a different one to you where I am. I hope you all get through.

Shabbs you always sound like the most caring person I think you are entitled to have a moan and certainly entitled to think of yourself on this day. You made me smile when you spoke of Rhodes and the butterflies. Butterflies are very special to me as we released butterflies at my DD's funeral and it was beautiful. Whenever I are them now I picture her coming to see how I am. It's funny how I hang onto whatever I can.

Lily I know all about hibernation and I do find there are times I need it so badly. When I do hibernate I feel it works for me. Like you and all the others the time you want to hibernate is at those important times when others also need you or want to be with you to comfort you. I find I delay my hibernation and get through with my mask superglued on. It makes my hibernation time that much more special.

Take care all.

Much love to you all. xx

hello all. It's been some weeks since I was here. Like some others, I simply haven't had anything adequate to say… just feeling a bit numb, I guess, and carrying on with life.

However, Mother's Day is here, and I wanted to say hello, and acknowledge the infinite love of all the mothers who reside here, the safe haven. It is a hard day, full of love for the children here, and full of love and loss for the children who should be here. Sending you all huge hugs. Each of you is amazing. xx

Morning girls xx

Morning.

It's night here at the moment. I'm off to do my ritual of sudoku before going to sleep. I wonder if I'll ever be able to hop into bed again and just go to sleep without a distraction technique to keep those horrible thoughts at bay.

Have a good day all.

I haven't been here for a long while but just sat here thinking my eldest boy should have been 10 in fortnight .. 10 .. where the hell did the years ago ..??

you learn to live with it and for the most part just get on with life but sometimes it just comes right back to get you

So pleased to see you Frasersmummy - have missed you so much. I know what you mean about the passing of time - my Matt will be 30 in June!!!!

Hope things are OK with you. Dont you dare go anywhere I WILL come looking for you xxxxx