hi maybeyoushouldrivesantassleigh, sorry you are having a bad time with illness, I hope you start to feel better soon
I'm getting a bit worried about the posts from people who lost their mums years ago who say it doesn't really get better. The one thing I'm focusing on is "time is a great healer", I know this was true when my dad died, gradually over time I was able to say the word "dad" without bursting into tears.BUT the difference then was I still had mum and still could visit her in the house and place I grew up in......now they are both gone I've got an emptiness inside me I can't shake and I feel so down and depressed, like there's nothing to look forward to and the future is just bleak. All around me I see happy extended families everywhere and now we'll never have that again, its just the 4 of us from now on, Xmas day, New Years Eve, birthdays, its just us 4 rattling around the house. This Xmas I'm going to put some money mum still has in her account in an envelope from her to my boys, but I'm worried the money is running out too, then there's nothing at all. Me and dh's parents lived in council houses and there was no money from anything when they died. I know that sounds mercenary here and anyone receiving any money from their deceased parents would give it all back for 5 minutes more with their mums or dads, I know that too well, but mum was the only person I could borrow money from or she used to treat the boys now and then and now she's gone the financial future is bleak too, no wee treats or nice dinners out from her anymore. I don't want to sound like I'm money grabbing, but my mum was the only person in our families who ever treated my boys , or who treated us to a meal out on our birthdays etc. and now she has gone that's another thing I;m missing, there's no one to borrow any money off and no house left to sell , just 4 weeks to clear it from the council. I know this sounds money grabbing but I can imagine this sad time is made a tiny bit easier without money worries on top. I know nothing makes up for losing our mums and dads, but I'm just being honest. Dh has been told he might lose his job come April and I earn NMW and everything has been a struggle for so long, without my mum being kind to us at Xmas its going to be hard this year, as well as her not being here.
god I know its awful to talk about money at a time like this, but with 2 teenagers and xmas its very relevant to me just now
anyway what I was saying earlier about it not getting better is worrying me, this empty, lost feeling cant stay with me the rest of my life, I don't think I could take it, I'm hoping it fades into simply missing my mum instead of aching for her all the time
I hope I haven't offended anyone talking about money, I'd give everything I had for the chance of a minute on the phone with my mum again, I know you all would too....the reality of her passing is sinking in now and the future is bleak, in all ways