For Anyone grieving for one of their parents,you will find support here.

[mummylin2495]

hope you all find this ok,the pages were just refusing to load up and messages taking so long.thats why i had a double post on other thread.

Yuleputtat - will be thinking of you tomorrow. It is a very hard day and we will be here for you after. Glad the funeral directors have helped you.

Mummylin. - you have been through so much lately. You not only have had the year round but everything else so it's bound to have rocked you. I would take some time to take a step back from everyone and concentrate on you time. Hope u feel better soon.

Beachcomber - I dreamt of my mum a few months back but that was after 4 months of her passing. I can imagine that must have unsettled u after all that time. I guess he come along to say hi to you and let u know he is around for you.

Ssd - just to say hi to you, and hope your days gone a touch better hun.

Watching r variety performance tonight was hard going. I can hear her laugh echo around the memories in my mind, she was only watching it last year!! It all some days blows me away with the shock still!!! :-((

Big hug to us all xx

Hi all..

Thank god for this thread..and thank u all for sharing your feelings and emotions...I don't feel quite so alone now.
I had a dreadful Sunday..very very tearful and low. My sisters don't really understand how I'm feeling..they weren't anywhere near as involved with Mum as I was. I just feel so angry with everyone..including my family..so irrational. I guess because Xmas is looming, and I have spent 49 of my 51 years with her over this period. It will be very hard..

Lost my mum 1 year and eight months ago , she had been sick for most of her life but she always complained about her illness which were numerous . She went to hospital on 6th of January 2011 and fell sicker she was away living with dad in London I'm based in Glasgow and I thought it was the usual "I'm sick come give me attention" so I stayed with my family up north I spoke to her often but she never asked me to visit or my sister which she would usually do she was released on 21 st of feb with the diagnosis of heart failure with transplant as only treatment but doctor assured us all that heart could last for 5 years at current state she still told us to stay up north as she wasnt fit to see anyone that when we got scared . On 24 th she spoke to me on webcam told me she felt better despite being 6 stones at that point I decided to head to London despite protests she was rushed to hosptial 25 th in morning we were called to say she only had a week left at most as she had a infection which couldn't be stopped we headed to londOn in the hope doctor and parents were being dramatic ! We were delayed landed around 6 at night we saw my father at the house who told us that my mum had passed at 3:30 pm that day whilst we were flying down . We are a family of eight in total included aunts and uncles so we are small close family and this news still hasn't hit home for anyone . I went for a walk that night and watched people walk by and I was amazed how the world hadnt stopped or caved in but for me it was just made you feel so I'm not sure how to describe it just underwhelmed by the fact life carries on no matter how much you wish it would just pause to let you deal with the grief ! Really lOng message but needed to vent still have mOments of terrified realisation I won't kiss or hug or tell her I love her just one more time don't know of anyone goes through this themselves I'm 24 now and expected her third grandbaby the first one she won't hold and sing to and breaks my heart everyday

Hi nicolamilo. So very sorry for your loss, sending you massive hugs. It is really crap and we all know the times your going through in our own ways all I can think about when I get them thoughts is that my mums with me. I have had little signs and messages to reaffirm this, some maybe on coincidental and some in my face bloody strange and spooky!

Anger, bitterness, are all part of it, I've had anger recently and thinking it wasn't fair. And I think it's all double hard for us all with Christmas.
Take care and do what you want to help get you through.

Sending you love. Xx

Williever - thinking of you. I think it's bloody hard anyway but with Christmas is harder. My mum was Christmas. But I'm going to step into her shoes and do all them special little things she loved. We're even going to buy the cat a stocking for her :)
They up there still want us to have a good Christmas but I know it's going to be bloody hard!! (( hugs)) to you x

I have to tell you this.

My mum was a big James bond fan and mr and hubby went to see skyfall last night ( which wasn't great) but hey nice to get out! But I saud come on mum come with us and watch it- we'll didn't think anymore about it, but then as we were coming out of the cinema there was a small white fluffy feather on the floor by the door in the door way!?

That blew me away!!!! I like to believe its her saying I went with you!! :-) xx

Good morning everyone and helo to the newcomers.Well apt was fine and also doctook my bp again and he said its perfect !! he reckons its because he took it ! he is rather dishy.Anyway he has put me on amitriptyline pills ,just a very low dose to help me sleep and feel less stressed.I have to say in spite of only having a low dose,i feel half asleep today.I was a bit scared to take the first one to be honest.he says he wil increase them gradually ,but i know for certain i am not going to be taking a higher dose at anytime.
Has anyone noticed there is a common thing running through this thread,it seems to be there is just one sibling from each family who is suffering most badly? Is it because we wer the closest to our parent maybe ? But to be fair my younger brother is also suffering the ame as i am and he has a very stressful job and is going through a divorce after finding out 5 weeks after mum died that his wife has been having an affair with our first cousin !! It caused a huge rift throughout the family as you can imagine, but now its all affecting him terribly.He also was very very close to our mum,in fact we used to tease him and call him "mummy's baby boy "
I have had two dreams of mum,one of them she spoke to me and the other she didnt.I wish i could dream of her everynight.One thing i forgot to ask my doc was wether mum would of been in any pain and how long would she have died after the rupture in the heart sac.I will ask next time because it haunts me that she would of been in pain or scared.I need to find out.
yule thinking of you on this very sad day.

waitingforastartofall i have bought two lovely little baubles for the tree to send to my sister for her twin babies.They both have the names on and are in fact tiny money boxes.They are from "stewarts" garden center,i dont know if you have one near to you or wether its only down here,but im sure that if you have something similar around you will find them.They are really pretty little balls,very christmassy and ideal for what you are looking for.

Thinking of you yule, we are here for you {{hugs}} xx

mummylin -glad your dr apt went ok! Your poor brother, to go through losing his mum and then his wife doing that, how horrible.

i have to say i froze when i read the sleeping tablets your on message that is the sleeping tablet my mum was on the week before she passed, i didnt even know she was on it, although i know it didnt contribute to her passing, i still froze when i read it.

Hope you can sleep better, as you know im around till 11-12 as im a night owl!

Hi all,

Havent got one of those garden centres near me but will keep looking have found some on ebay but dont really like them. I am recovering relatively well from surgery but still in a bit of pain and not feeling myself at all.

My lovely sister turned up this morning with a new christmas tree for me, she knows ours fell apart last year and we are beyond skint at the minute with dp having so much time off work with mum being in hospital/the funeral then my surgery. She is so lovely and made me cry a little with her kindness and refusing to accept any money.

I have not been to the doctors and am trying very hard to not need medication,its difficult because im so tired but cant sleep however i want to feel however i need to feel at the time. I miss her so very much, i spent every single day there usually unless her husband was off work and they were spendng time together i sort of feel like i have lost my purpose although i certainly havent as have got ds to look after and she would be cursing me from above if i didnt.

i will take a picture of the little baubles and put them on my profile ,maybe i could get one for you ?

Funeral is over
I have brought the flowers home, they are in the front garden, bit surreal! But I'm going to put them on mums grave tomorrow, where dad will be interred.

It went as well as a funeral could. The DC's were ok although they were all in tears!

I'm glad I organised a wake. I made a slide show and also took 2 boxes of photo's for people to identify for me! I thought people might find it inappropriate but they had them all out and were enthusiastically discussing them!
My Aunt (mums sister) who I haven't seen for years was very pleased as she found several that she thought were lost. She took a whole pile home with her.

I'm glad it's over. I feel I can try to start a new sort of normal.
However I have had the Estate agent and the auctioneer on the phone this afternoon, so now I have to really concentrate on sorting and selling the house.My parents bought the house when it was 2 bricks high, so it is full of memories. I hope it will be a huge weight off me to sell it, but I think it will be sad.

I hope everyone has had a better day today. Stickem I hope tomorrow isn't too hard for you.

They are very pretty have found one on the internet I quite like so will carry on lookin. Ds being so naughty tonight really silly and answering back. He's been passed pillar to post this last few weeks

t875, wow, I'm so glad for you that you got a feather!!! I've only had one, maybe I'll get another one, I hope so

girls, I want to reply to you all separately, but I cant type very well and it would take ages, so please everyone know I'm reading each and every post and thinking of you all, really appreciate all messages and agree with so many posters, WillIEverBeASizeTen I could have written your post word for word, am so angry with my family esp sister who was totally and utterly hopeless, no empathy at all

hugs to us all xx

just realized its 14 years today that my dad died, wow that's a lifetime away

at least he's got mum back again, I used to talk to him when I was looking after mum, saying "I'm doing my best dad, but its not easy sometimes", ds was a baby when dad died and for the last 14 years its just been me helping mum and organizing her life, making sure she was ok and cared for, siblings left it all to me and visited about twice a year for 2-3 days, I had to juggle young kids with helping mum and seeing her every week for all this time, but I'm so glad I did, we were so close and she was good to me too

your right mummylin, so many of us seem to have been the closest to our mums or dads that we're missing, I sometimes envy my sister her total detachment as she hasn't hurt at all, but then I realize I'm hurting only because we we're so close and that's a blessing I'm grateful for.

one good thing that came out of all the time I was sandwiched between my old mum and young kids was on here, I got the elderly parents section started, I was really struggling so much with managing to help mum and sort out a multitude of things for her, I found some like minded posters here and asked MNHQ to start a section for those of us struggling alone with this, and they started that section, which I've looked at now and then and its got posters getting help from each other and not feeling so alone with it all

so thats one good thing I guess

did the first school run today since the funeral and being in hospital, wish id stayed at home. Too many questions and people saying oh arent you doing well, how are you feeling ect. Even oh im suprised to see you out. Like im not allowed to carry on and should feel guilty for it. Its hard to drag myself out in the morning but i bloody do for the kids and because thats what mum would want. People are generally nice but they say such stupid things.family friend decided to say infront of 5yo ds that we wouldnt really be doing christmas this year would we as it would be awful, ds was upset and i just thought,why say it?! yes ill be sad but christmas will still be christmas for my kids and ill keep it in my heart forever the way my mum would have wanted.

Am so angry tonight,feel like noone understands how hard it is and they are all judging me on how im dealing with it

waiting, they're probably desperately thinking of something nice to say but not finding anything so just saying first thing that comes into their heads, inappropriate as it is....your family friend hopefully is kicking herself for being so indiscreet...what does she think, you'll cancel Xmas and hide all day? evern if we want to, we cant as the kids come first and its their day isnt it

the school run is hellish at the best of times, you're doing well to face it all, although I guess you haven't much choice

we understand how you feel, I know you feel alone and hurt, trust me we get it and send you virtual hugs xx

Thanks, I like the idea of a hug, I know people mean well they just font express it well. The kids are so excited for Christmas I'm trying desperate to get into the spirit but its hard. Feel guilty for smiling

Lots & lots of love to everyone on this thread and thanks for starting it mummylin I'm missing my Dad terribly and it's nice to have a place to go where people understand that pain and yearning. God I wish I could talk to him so much. First xmas without him this year and it'll also be my daughter's 1st xmas. I hope and pray that somehow he can feel us missing him & loving him.

Hi Everyone, sorry I've not been around, just been trying to feel normal again really.

The funeral was today, I did go and I did sit at the front. Ds was fed a steady stream of quavers, smarties and random sweets from a friend of my mum, to keep him quiet throughout the service (then we took him to the Zoo so he could come down from his sugar high in a large open space!). I couldn't have done it without ds there to keep me distracted though. Glad it's over.

hi stickem, glad its over for you too, its a surreal day altogether, isnt it

bet your dh enjoyed the zoo and hopefully it gave you a bit of headspace when you were wandering about

you'll look back and be glad you went

hugs to you and your wee ds xx

I'll go back and read through what I've missed, but just wanted to say hello. Hope you're all coping as well as you can. Christmas preparations are hard without joy in my heart

stickemglad that yesterday went as well as it could.

Today i actually managed to go to the shops,still without any enthusiasm but did get two presents ,then i got fed up and came back home again ! My next post is going to be my message to my mum.x

I am finding it hard to write a long post so i will have to wait until we start another new thread.I start to write then it all goes from the page.I have tried 3 times.My comp dosent like threads that are too long.[ hopes for new one for xmas ! ]

Hello everyone...

I'm having a fairly good week but I do think like everybody else here, that this time of year is very hard when coping with our loss. My Mum was Christmas for me, just like yours t875 I want this one to come and go very quickly, I see little joy...

Thank you all once again for sharing your stories, they are a great source of comfort for me x