For Anyone grieving for one of their parents,you will find support here.

[mummylin2495]

hope you all find this ok,the pages were just refusing to load up and messages taking so long.thats why i had a double post on other thread.

I found this site, dont know if it'll help anyone but will post anyway

www.recover-from-grief.com

Not really sure how mum is, I guess she is as good as anyone can be in these situations. She was very busy (had lots of people to talk to at the wake) so I didn't get much time with her. (sounds selfish I know)

I feel like my head is a blur at the mo. Just hope there are no more funerals to go to this year (been to 2 in the last 2 months).

I broke down in tears last night after dropping a packet of newly opened biscuits all over the floor. I guess it's sometimes the little things that are like the final straw! DH was saying "it's only biscuits", I guess he doesn't get the real reason I was/am feeling so down.

Also had the HV phone last night (evening) to see how we were getting on. I was lost for words so she is coming to visit instead.
How the hell to do get back to normality?
I think it all hits you at the funeral.

Can't get my head around Christmas yet but the shops are full of it.

Sorry if I'm just going on about me as I know there are others on this thread going through it too.

Thinking of you all. Just can't think of the right words right now. x

Thanks for the link ssd I will take a look. x

good morning all.well yesterday was not too bad and my friend held up very well.ssd i had a look at the link you posted and of course went straight to the mum section.I read quite a lot of the stories and i can see they are all without exception feeling as most of us here are.But im not going to read anymore or i will get obsessed and want to read every single story on the whole site which i dont think would be healthy. Such awful sadness all over the world.

Hi all, have been thinking of you all, especially mummylin and blackcat - it sounds like you coped as well as can be expected. Can you take some time now just to rest a bit and try to relax. I know I find these emotional occasions so so tiring and overwhelming.

ssd great link - I'll take some time to read through.

I don't always post - often nothing to say or too much to say to be able write it all down, but I do read this thread regularly and identify with so many of your experiences.

I seem to be good at welling up at inappropriate times just now - a friend organised a card sale which I felt I should support her at. Didn't expect the tears to flow quite so freely! I find I can keep it in OK around strangers but certain good friends set me off. I guess I keep it all in for them!

It is nearly a year since my mum died, the 12th December. I miss talking to her so much, only she cared about the trivial stuff. I spoke to her everyday at 6pm and even now I think I should be calling her.

Can't sleep at all tonight. I miss my mum so very much. We drove that way across town today and Ds got all excited cause e were going the way to nannas which brought on a huge bout of sobbing and him saying he will be sad for the rest of forever. He's in my bed cause I.can't bear not to be near him. It's so hard without her, I find myself avoiding people just so they won't ask how we are doing. My friends have been total crap and are avoiding me like the plague. Sorry for the moan do went back to 15 hour nights tonight and I'm not doing so good. Hope today has been kinder to you all

mumto2lovelygals I had the year anniversary on the 30tH October and to be honest ,i dreaded it.BUT it was nowhere near as bad as i was expecting ,yes it was very very sad and of course relived the previous year,but i coped on the actual day.I hope it wil be the same for you.
waiting you sound very distressed and i hope you did eventually manage to get some sleep.I think it takes a long while to realise that yes it is true and the unthinkable has happened.I do find that people tend to just ignore the fact that we have had a massive loss and i get really annoyed that they dont acknowledge my mum at all.As stated previously ,i have not spoken to my neighbour because he didnt even say that he was sorry to hear the sad news.Nothing ! I think some people find it hard to bring up the subject but others actually dont give a damn and this is what makes me so bloody angry.
to everyone i hope you will all have a better day than you did yesterday,we have to take it day by day i think. for you all x

Hey mummylin can't get in to see my doctor but have got tonsilitis! Just going to power through tomorrow and hopefullyget some sleep tonight. Had an awful night last night but feel better able to deal with tomorrow. The vicar is lovely and the service what we wanted. Just hope we do her proud :(

I'm sure you will, waiting. and I hope the doc gives you something and you feel better soon.

I've been really teary this past week, worse than ever. I feel everyone else has moved on, except me. Tried to chat to dh last night but he so doent get it, I think it alarms him to think I'm not getting over it yet, dont really feel I've got much support at all - thank god for the internet!!

xx to us all

Always here if you want a chat, I don't think people do realise unless they have been through it themselves and it can feel like your the only one left feeling that way while everyone moves on

Dad's funeral is on Tuesday

I can't believe how stressed I am about it and how many little things there are to do. I bet there's someone I've forgotten to contact
I am trying to collect memories from people for the service. But DS2 doesn't remember him even though he is 11, which made me realise just how long ago dad started showing symptoms.

I am ploughing through 3 boxes and about 8 albums of photos and also fitting in as much house clearing as I can.

Although he wasn't 'there' for quite a while it feels odd to know that he really is no longer here and the weekends will be strange without visiting, even though he didn't recognise me.

Hope you have a better day today waiting
ssd my dh doesn't really get it either. I really want someone to advise me on what I should keep and chuck when I'm sorting. His parents seem to throw everything out!

mumto2lovelygals I'm sorry it's still so tough for you, a year is really nothing, I think early days, be kind to yourself xx I know what you mean about missing speaking to your Mum - I feel exactly the same, it doesn't seem right and I've so much to tell her!

waiting sorry you're poorly but glad you are happy with the vicar/funeral plans. I had sinusitis when we were planning Mum's funeral, I'm sure it made everything even harder to deal with. When we are ill reserves are so low... Hope you start to feel better soon.

ssd my dh doesn't get it either. When I cry he doesn't know where to put himself, he has never had the intense relationship I had with my Mum - there is a big hole where she should be

Kitten will be thinking of you on Tuesday, I'm sure you wont forget anything or anyone... It's such hard work arranging funerals, even if you were fully functioning and not in the middle of grieving too!

Hi to everyone else

mumto2lovelygirls - It still must be there on and off for years to come, thinking of you and i know exactly what you mean! I do talk to her but wether she can hear i only have to believe she can. Sending you hugs!!

waiting - Hope you get better soon, hope you have a lot of support in RL will be thinking of you. x

blackcat - ive also been thinking of you and im sure you did do your mum proud, them final moments i really felt such a mixture of emotion, i was obviously sad, but my god i felt her with us and her telling me she is ok i cant explain the feeling x

Kitten - You will be in my thoughts for Tuesday, we will be here for you after, it is a very hard day. My daughters didn't go to the funeral or the wake - But they got a yankee candle each they chose it, and i lit the candles round the flowers after, it smelt beautiful around the flowers. Thinking of you and heres a hug for the day. xx

Mummylin - Glad the funeral went ok, what a friend you are to support your friend, when it must have been hard for you. I think you should treat yourself now to something you love for you x

ssd - hun, always here as you know. It is very tough, and i am right with you, although it has got a little easier as time has gone on, this time of year is really rocking me hard!! I am really stressed and really sad a lot more and also a touch angry, i am feeling extremely overwhelmed too with everything, my brothers being an arse again..why i would have thought he was any different im a fool.
thanks for your link, i want to finish reading it tonight but it had some very helpful things on there.
remember the poem letters from heaven hun it gives me great comfort when needed xx

{{Hugs}} to everyone

I have lots of support from partner and dad not so much from friends. Family are a v practical bunch Noone wants to cuddle. I like a hug now and again! Love to you all

hi everyone

dh watching the footie, all is peaceful so far!! I feel I'm very short with the kids just now, they are stuck in more with these dark nights and they tend to fight all the bloody time!!

getting on with dh a bit better tonight, feel a bit less stressed

have got mum constantly on my mind though, its like a never ending reel going on that I cant stop, constantly going over everything, thinking it all through again and again

I have got support from friends, but I'm the only one of us to have lost both mum and dad and friends just dont get the enormity of it, they will one day I know. My parents were always the oldest parents among my friends and they have gone first, I really was a late child!! My mum was 85 and I was the only person I knew who had such an old mum, most of my friends have mums in late 60's or 70's and still alive and able.

I feel I'm keeping too much in, I need to be able to speak about mum but theres no one there. I tried cruse but they said its too early for counselling. Does anyone know of any other way to access counselling? There is a cruse group that meets on a monday but its at he time the kids come home from school and I need to be home to be home then...any advice welcome xx

Thank you mummylin and maybeyou, I feel better tonight and trying to think about marking the anniversary in some way. I want to just stay under the duvet but that would make my mum very cross. She was a tough old bird who got on with life no matter what it threw at her.

Just read your post ta75 and it made me think I can still talk to her, she just can't answer back and boy did she have some strong opinions! My dad died when I was 25 and she had 18 years on her own and showed me how strong women can be. I do hope they can both see how my Brother and I turned out and all their grand children. I also feel for the poster who had older parents, I am so jealous of people my age who still have their mum and dad.

I agree that people don't understand, my mum was very poorly and died on the 16th she was only 45 none of my friends have bothered to come and see me or see how I am because " they dont know what to say" as I'm the first to lose a parent, but it still makes Me sad, surely I deserve some compassion from my friends

Oh I'm so sorry waitingfor. My friends really didn't get it when I lost my dad. He was 63 and I was 25 and they had not even considered losing their parents. I honestly think that unless you have lost someone close to you it is hard to get the physical pain of grief. You will find the best friends are the ones that stay close even if they don't say much. Sending you big hugs tonight and you will find lots of friends here who get it.

What am I supposed to do to start trying to get over this? I just can't get past the fact that she was there and then just gone, without even a goodbye.

I wake up every morning expecting a text from her to be waiting for me. I keep thinking of things I want to call her to tell her about.

I need her to tell me what to do now. She would know.

Thinking of you all tonight, getting your feelings out on here really helps. I feel the same stickem she's the only person who would take charge of the situation.

The funeral is next Wednesday. I really don't want to go. None of it means anything to me and I will be surrounded by people I hate, people crying for my mum who they never cared enough to help. I don't want to see them. I don't want to go. I never wanted to go to my granddad's funeral but I did so because my mum wanted me there. It was like torture.

And on a practical level I need ds with me as much as possible. He is what keeps me going. But he would cause a scene at the church I know he would. So I thought I could stay at the back so I can leave if I need to. But then I thought what is the point of going at all?

Couldn't I just do something that means something to me, and ds to celebrate and signify how much we loved her?

Is it really so bad of me to not go to the funeral? I don't know what to do.

stickem - of course you don't want to go, but you should, it might not mean anything now, but things change and you have to say goodbye to your mum! and your DS to his grandmother!

if you don't go you will probably regret it, so do it for her,
take ds with you and so what if he makes a scene? ignore everyone and be there for your mum! anyway, ds might behave better than you think

I was 7 months pregnant and had to fly over 2 hours to go to the town my dad's funeral was held - I had to fly on my own as we just couldn't afford tickets for Dh and 4 DSs as well (would have been over £1500!)
It was hard coz he'd divorced my mum, run off with a woman barely older than me, had 2 kids with her and that bitch organized the eulogy which left us speechless as my mother wasn't even mentioned as his wife of 25 years! really horrible!
but I just had to be there to realize I'll never see him again and had to say goodbye to him for the last time!

so sorry for all of your losses!

and it's not bad of you if you don't go, but you know that closure thing is important...and for lack of a better phrase you don't want to "miss out" - if you know what I mean.
you don't want to wake up the next day and think "shit, I should have gone!" bad enough that she's passed away, you don't want to also feel guilty.

you don't want to see the other people that you hate, fine, avoid talking to them, leave after the ceremony and go and eat a nice ice-cream with DS. but go and say goodbye