For Anyone grieving for one of their parents,you will find support here.

[mummylin2495]

hope you all find this ok,the pages were just refusing to load up and messages taking so long.thats why i had a double post on other thread.

Todays the day guys, funeral is not till two but I have to go back to the doctors at half nine the lymph nodes in my neck are bigger than my actual neck. Dreading not being able to het thrpugh the service I'm In so much pain. Keep feeling really sick and will be ages away from.toilets ect. Went on facebook last night to see two of mums friends discussing me an my siblings ans grandparents saying they don't know how we cope and that they'd just not get out of bed ect. Was really annoyed tbh I'm trying to be so strong for everyone but it seems people think I'm heartless cause I go food shopping and pick the kids up , I do cry tbf just not in the middle of town and on demand!

waiting, we here will be with you in spirit today, honestly, you will get through it, you'll be heartbroken and sore but you'll get through it. I'm so sorry, its just horrible. Don't want to frighten you, but just be aware the hearse will pull up with the coffin in it, I hate to write that but that was the part that threw me, I didn't expect it, try not to stare at it or you'll get taken over by emotions, just cuddle your kids and smile at them, that's what your mum would have wanted. I just felt the funeral was one big show, I, like stickem had lots of relatives there and all I could think was where were you when me and mum needed you? I hope you waiting don't have this. I really hope you get through it and you can collapse in a heap tonight, will be thinking of you

and stickem, I honestly know exactly what you mean. I didn't want to go to mums funeral either, I totally refused to think about it, on the day I had no trousers to wear I nearly went in black jeans, I just didn't want to prepare or think about it at all, I nearly took the boys away to the beach for an ice cream that day, I just didn't want to face it. and like you I had lots of family turn up who were never there for mum, all those years with just me visiting her and helping her, then at her funeral everyone turned up to cry....well I thought, you're all too bloody late.

I didn't get any closure at mums funeral, I'm still waiting for any closure, I think it'll come gradually over time. I didn't say goodbye to mum there, I'm still talking to her all the time in my head, I'll never say goodbye to her, I feel her and my dad are with me sort of inside me, maybe in my heart, I don't know, its like having an inner glow, I just feel them there. But sometimes I feel nothing and that when the pain of it all hits me hard.

mumtogals, your mum sounds great, very like my mum, my mum was very strong and just carried on when dad died too, she knew she had no choice...and she never ever complained, in fact she was proud of how well she did.

hugs to us all, we are all here for each other, even though I haven't mentioned everyone I'm thinking of you all xxx

I'm thinking of you waiting.

Lots of family coming who were never there when she was ill.The children have gone to school I think he's too young to take it all on and I couldn't cope with him there too. Dp coming with, just want it over x

Hi all
Can I join this thread? Firstly, my heartfelt sympathies and very beat wishes to all of you. Waiting, I hope you feel better and Kitten, I hope Tuesday wasn't too painful and you found some solace and support.
I lost mum in Feb and its still so hard. It did make me realise how much I wanted to be a mum though, I'd been very unsure and at 39 I needed to get on with it. Got my BFP on Sunday and my god I miss her more than ever now. DH doesn't understand and tells me I have his mum. While that's true and she is great, she's not my Mum!
I'm hoping my grieving on and off won't upset the little bean too much :-/
Take care of yourselves xx

Waiting forAStar

Thinking of you today and my heartfelt sympathies to all of the posters here.

X x X

hi scuba, of course you can join in, you'll get plenty of support here...and many congratulations, I can imagine your emotions must be all over the place now...and I'm sorry for you loss, I know how hard that is

xx

Today didn't go so well, funeral was ok as expected but I ended tonight whizzed off in ambulance, need surgery on my throat in morning :(

aw waiting, I'm so sorry, big hugs to you for today, you're going through the mill,hope the surgery goes well xx

Just want the pain to stop it don't matter what they need too. Waiting to go down now x

SSD - thanks :-)
Waiting, so sorry to hear, you're really having a tough time huh! Hope today goes well and things start to pick up for you x

Oh dear waiting im sorry you now have further troubles to deal with.Hope you coped as well as could be expected yesterday.I hope the surgery has gone well.Will you have to stay in hospital or can you go home afterwards ?
scuba welcome to our thread.You must be having such mixed emotions.The grief from your mum ,but the elation from getting your positive pregnancy test.That is something wonderful to look forward to at least.
everyone It will soon be time to start writing our xmas messages to our loved ones .Shall we have a new thread for that or write on here ? yesterday i bought two little xmas trees for the cemetery and some little robins too.I intend to make the graves as pretty as possible over the holiday period. Have managed to get a bit more shopping although my heart is not in it at all.I dont seem to have any enthusiasm for anything anymore.Im sure when mum died my heart went with her and i cant seem to get it back,even though the 1st year has now passed.ssd hope you are ok xx

Waiting - you poor thing. What a hell of a time. Your having
Hope u feel better soon. Was thinking of you for the funeral. X

Scuba - hi scuba first of all I'm so sorry to hear about your loads. We are all here for you on this thread. It's very supportive.
Congrats on your positive. Hope your ok xx

My Fathers ashes are scattered in another country where he had a second home with his 2nd wife. I don't have anywhere to take anything which is a bit disconcerting.

Hope you don't mind me adding in here but I'm finding things a bit tough today. My beautiful mum died 6 years ago - she was very ill and my logical brain says it ultimately was the best thing for her but I miss her so much. Selfishly I can't help but still be angry and hurt sometimes that she hasn't been there when I needed her. I've been through a hard time with infertility and throughout that I so wanted to talk to my mum. Dad does his best but bless him he's very old fashioned especially about anything to do with reproduction etc. now I have my beautiful dd and mum will never know her - and vice versa. Thought it would get easier but here I am 6 years later still sobbing about how unfair it is and how much I miss her! We had our moments - esp in my teenage years but that was because we were so alike and once I'd grown up a bit we had a fabulous relationship and had she not been taken from me would be firm friends now. It just sucks.

Nothing

You are not being selfish in needing some mothering yourself especially when times are hard. I really feel for you. Do you have any older female relatives such as aunts that could slowly fill some of the gap? It is never ideal but it can help.

Love to you....xx

Thanks x I get on really well with the mil - have been with her son since we were 17 - but it's not the same. Unfortunately we haven't seen any of mums family since her funeral but that's another issue. I'm surprised though how much it still hurts, still find it difficult to listen to some of the music mum liked for example. Good days and bad days I guess.

There will always be pain I think. I recall a column by Vanessa feltz in 'She' magazine about her visiting a shopping mall and hearing an announcement that they had a lost child looking for her Mother. Vanessa said she felt like putting a similar announcement out in the hope that her own recently dead Mother would return. It was a lovely piece of writing. Before she went rogue, Vanessa wrote beautifully.

Oh my goodness waiting I hope the surgery goes well and pray for a quick recovery for you. I'm glad you managed the funeral - I'm sure you'll look back and be glad you were there - but you must have been feeling so dreadful Get well soon x

Congratulations ScubaSarah always lovely to hear happy news on our thread! Obviously very mixed feelings for you though.

mignonette I know how you feel about having nowhere special to mourn. Mum's ashes haven't been scattered yet and she had quite specific instructions as to where and how - most of them in the sea but some on family graves. I'm finding it really hard to 'find' her just now, I'm hoping when I can at least go to the sea and know she's been scattered I might find some peace

[bsmile] [bsmile] [bsmile] those are for mum as she's Scottish (from St Andrews) and it's St Andrews Day today!

nothing thinking of you, glad you've found us. Any feelings we express here I think at least one of us will have felt them too and identify - don't apologise for your emotions

Hello to everyone I've missed!

Out of surgery now guys thanks for wishing me well. Feeling v sore will deffo b here tonight x

mignonette do you have a place in your garden you can make your own little memorial to your dad ? that may help a bit.
waiting so glad your surgery is over and now you will be on the way to recovery.What a terrible couple of days you have had.
Nothingontvat3am You will probably always miss your mum now ,but i think we know what you mean when you would of normally turned to mum for advice or just to tell her something .Now she isnt there who can we tell instead.There is no-one else who is the same.It is a shame that your mum isnt here to share your little dd with you.My own sister has had twin girls since our mum died and we really felt that too.
On a different topic ,i just fell over !!! no i wasnt drunk .My dh had a belt on the end of the bed and somehow i got my foot caught up in it and went flying !! i was so worried about the bag of stuff i had in my hand as its breakable things and they are xmas gifts !! But i am fine ,really thought i had damaged myself.But i have reassured dh i can still cook dinner

I am sooooo bored in here

I'm not sure that having somewhere in my garden would help. I think it is more a case of because I can't go to where my Father is scattered very easily (indeed I don't know where it is!), then it has assumed more importance in my mind....

Hope you are released soon Waiting. Try to sleep.....Xx

Hope it all went well waiting!

Think so pain has literally disappeared instantly. With mum bein ill three weeks she then spent her last week in a coma with 13 days to organise funeral and grieve I prpbbaly haven't had a nights sleep in 5 weeks so going to try sleep thrpugh tonight then whizz off home tomorrow to rest .been thinkin of u all xxxx