Cruel comments from mn'er

[jco]

There is a thread in the parenting section about being dissapointed with the sex of your child. As i lost a baby last summer i posted a message saying that we should really be grateful to have live healthy babys regardless of the sex and mentioned that i had lost a baby, below is the reply i got from one mn'er

"Oh bloody hell, why do people on MN have to get on a high horse about this? I WAS disappointed that DS2 wasn't a girl. I don't see what is wrong with having a preference as long as it doesn't ultimately affect your relationship with said child. It does not mean I love him any less or that I'm an ungrateful undeserving mother who should be glad that the creature was even born alive.

PARPS off."

Why are some people so cruel and insensitive. I lost my baby fgs!! this has really upset me, do some people have no compassion at all!?

Zebra, don't go. I agree with Prufrock: if we all stopped posting on 'trivial' things because we thought we could just possibly, maybe, hurt another mumsnetter's feelings then there would be no mumsnet. For example Jimjams (hope you don't mind my using you as an example!) doesn't post on behaviour/development threads to say 'oh fgs, wtf are you lot moaning about, so what if your ds/dd is hitting/bitting/shooting people, at least they CAN hit/bite/shoot because they're NT, you try having a non verbal autistic child and then tell me your problems are relevant.'

And I haven't read the whole thread but actually, the original comment suggests that no-one was allowed to disagree with jco because she'd had a miscarriage. Mumsnet doesn't work like that and neither should it imo. Zebra was saying she was disappointed and imo she was perfectly entitled to do so.

don't go, Zebra.

I do understand hat when you are in the middle of grief it is hard to get perspective and easy to feel that everything is directed at you.
zebra has said she wasn't replying directly to jco's comment, and I think from the thread that is quite a reasonable explanation.
fwiw I think calling another person "cruel" and starting a thread to say it IS insulting. To say that zebra isn't named is rather beside the point I think, as there is plenty of detail to allow her to be identified. It was clearly directed at her. As jco says - we are real people out here. you are, and so is zebra. she was insulted by this and her feelings were hurt, quite understandably.

Can i just answer some of your points, harpsichordcarrier i did not at any point call zebra cruel, i said her comment was cruel which is entirely different. Also if you read the thread you will see that zebra actually replied to a comment i made so if thats not a direct response to my post then i don't know what is. also why is it that zebra is allowed to hurt my feeling but i am not able to respond??? this doesn't make sense

ks, i only said that one comment from prufrock was invalidating my feelings, not that everybody was.

Zebra has infact said that she apologises if she upset me. Zebra I am very grateful for your apology and in turn i am sorry if i have hurt your feelings or made you feel uncomfortable,please believe me that was never my intention

I think that its time to leave this thread alone now. Because many of you seem to have missed the point completely, and are making post when you have clearly misunderstood what i have said. To be honest the apology from zebra means a great deal to me but i not going to try and justify myself to the rest of you any more.

jco, I am sorry but you did say why are some people so cruel and insensitive?
tbh I think that is pretty clear.

Jco, I don't think I misunderstood either.

Ks can you explain exactly what you though was disingenuousness about my post because i really don't know how you have come to this conclusion. I have be genuine and honest in everything i have said about my thoughts and feelings

Blimey... this is a long thread.... Just going to look up disingenuousness in a dictionary...

I'll be back....

\link{http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=disingenuous\definition here}

To describe somebody as disingenuous means you are saying they are dishonest or have been deceitful, i would still like to know how you think i have been either of these. I feel you have misused a word you clearly don't really understand.

Thankyou to the vast majority of you who have been kind and supportive.

I think this is best left now so i won't return to this post, i shall leave it to you few who obviously just want to argue despite the fact that you have totally missed the point of the thread and clearly don't have a heart between you, even zebra herself apologised!!

jco, I think ks understands the word perfectly well actually! Look, telling people on mumsnet that they've 'missed the point' or 'just want to argue' because they disagree with you is missing the point of mumsnet I think. Anyway, I don't care enough to argue about this but I don't think you can tell us not to post our views. If you don't want to post again on this thread, fine, don't!

I'm sorry, but the idea of ks using words she doesn't understand is just laughable. Your posts have been extremely disingenuous, you couldn't possible have made it clearer who you were talking about if you had written her name in bold type at the top of the thread.

oh god move on guys

Blimey!