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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

Cruel comments from mn'er

195 replies

jco · 20/02/2006 19:55

There is a thread in the parenting section about being dissapointed with the sex of your child. As i lost a baby last summer i posted a message saying that we should really be grateful to have live healthy babys regardless of the sex and mentioned that i had lost a baby, below is the reply i got from one mn'er

"Oh bloody hell, why do people on MN have to get on a high horse about this? I WAS disappointed that DS2 wasn't a girl. I don't see what is wrong with having a preference as long as it doesn't ultimately affect your relationship with said child. It does not mean I love him any less or that I'm an ungrateful undeserving mother who should be glad that the creature was even born alive.

PARPS off."

Why are some people so cruel and insensitive. I lost my baby fgs!! this has really upset me, do some people have no compassion at all!?

OP posts:

cod · 07/03/2006 14:51

mayeb 00

arf

SenoraPostrophe · 07/03/2006 14:52

what are you on about, cod?

cod · 07/03/2006 14:53

that it has been done to me too lots of times

Marina · 07/03/2006 14:54

Me too zeb. I feel for jco as well, having been there too, but please do not stop posting on Mn. It's important this site is diverse and your perspective is often brave and original.

SenoraPostrophe · 07/03/2006 14:55

i got that bit, i mean the bit that says it's starting to get like on.

cod · 07/03/2006 14:56

as i said I too ahd been slagged on a thread by bh ( soryr i knwo she is down at the mo :) and we are pals now) that htis very thread was sstarting to get like one of those threads

NastyZebra · 08/03/2006 10:01

thanks (very much) for the nice posts, and thanks for standing up for me on this thread, Cod. I thought maybe you & I could start a self-nomination thread for "Who's the most unpopular MNetter?" but thought better of it.

I meant to apologise to BH originaly but then noticed (in the relevant thread) that she was quick to describe me as "the sort of person you don't want on MN" so kind of lost my motivation.

I can handle it when people attack ideas ("what you said was rubbish") but when they resort to rude words ("why are you behaving like an a*ehle" or attack the person "You are nasty")....

yick.
oh well, bfn...

dewberry1 · 08/03/2006 13:17

COD...are you having trouble with your computer as your spellings are coming out all over the place...

think this thread has run its course now..what u think guys??

fastasleep · 08/03/2006 13:32

You're kidding me. This thread is still on active convos. FGS.

batters · 08/03/2006 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harpsichordcarrier · 08/03/2006 13:52

no, don't go zebra.
I think it is too late for me to post my feelings here but I agree with everything spidermama had to say earlier
zebra I like to read your posts. please don't feel you need to stop.
HC

Prufrock · 08/03/2006 13:55

Zebra - I don't agree with some of your opinions, but do feel that you are a very valued member of the Mumsnet community. Please do not stop posting.

jco, I am sorry for your loss, and that you were upset by zebras post. ButI have to agree with the poster that said that yoru own post was innapropriate on that particular thread. It is important that Mumsnet doesn't become a place where people can't moan about things because others have worse problems - if that was teh case I reckon only a few threads on the relationships and SN boards would be valid. Your awful experience doesn't, and shouldn't invalidate others feelings about less awful experiences, and it is unrealistic to expect all posters to post with due regard for the pesonal circumstance o every other poster. Please don't take others posts so personally.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 08/03/2006 13:57

agree with others dont go zebra and ffs dont stop posting

prufrock that was my thoughts exactly

suzywong · 08/03/2006 13:59

Zebra, don't go

ChampagneandNappies · 08/03/2006 14:31

Agree with dewberry - Cod please can you sort out your typing, it takes me ages to decipher your postings. That was merely a statement rather than any kind of attack.

PeachyClair · 08/03/2006 15:07

Hi JCO

I'm sorry for your loss .

I do think the post was insensitive. I can sort of understand why the writer got upset- I have three boys and am personally sick to the back teeth of girl comments and find them hurtful, but that's nothing to what you've experienced.

I find it personally hurtful when I am paprped, jus because something has been done doesn't mean it's not important to me at that time to discuss it.

However if anyone leaves MN over this it would be sad as well [SAD]

cutsie · 08/03/2006 15:14

Any one know why cod cannot type properly?

Tinker · 08/03/2006 15:16

She has no arms and has uses a pencil between her teeth.

oliveoil · 08/03/2006 15:17

I don't think parps are meant as an insult, I use them to send myself away from threads that either annoy me or I have repeated myself on numerous times.

And cod types like that as she has fins.

beetroot · 08/03/2006 15:17

she types with her toes while breast feeding her 10 year old and giving out speeding fines

suzywong · 08/03/2006 15:18

the cab of her 16 wheeler judders terribly

lockets · 08/03/2006 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

getbakainyourjimjams · 08/03/2006 15:24

ah come on zebra you can't go.

Agreed pars are not insulting, they're a way of stopping you banging on and boring everyone about a favourite subject of yours.....

oliveoil · 08/03/2006 15:25

yes, I am always on VBAC ones (yawwwnnnnnn), I should just cut and paste.

Original poster

jco · 08/03/2006 16:39

Zebra, i have no wish for you to leave mumsnet, you are clearly a valued member. My intention with this thread was to talk about my feelings it was not meant to insult you, nor was it meant to turn into some kind of which hunt. This is why i did not actually name you in my opening post. You are entitled to your opinion as are the rest of us, but I was upset by the way in which you posted, I have no desire to insult you in anyway but do feel that you should sometimes be a little gentler in the way in which you post. No matter what our opinions we all have to remember that there is a real person at the end of every post, it’s not just a name on the computer screen.

Prufrock, i do not expect people to post with regard to every other persons circumstances, this would be unrealistic. But when somebody is responding to a post i have made with is what zebra was doing; i do expect that they would use some empathy and sensitivity. I don't believe that is asking too much and I don’t think any decent person would think it was too much to expect either.

Also Prufrock, my post was not made to 'invalidate' anybody else’s feelings, i was merely posting my opinion which is of course what mumsnet is about and differences in opinion is surely what one would expect in any intelligent discussion. It would be unrealistic for us all to agree. Unfortunately though you are actually invalidating my feelings by saying my post was 'inappropriate', should I not post just because I happen to have had an experience that makes me feel differently to the others who are posting on the thread?

OP posts:

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