''Even the smallest of footprints have the power to leave an everlasting imprint on the Earth'' Remembering with love our darling children

[Whatevertheweather]

Remembering not only what we have lost but what our darling children have given to us.

A new 'safe haven' thread. Thank you Chip for our last one which filled up in just a month. A sure sign of lots of tears, smiles and wonderful support.

All our children have taught us something whether they were born sleeping, lived just a little while, weeks, months or years. Here are mine:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That a rainbow can provide hope in the darkest of times.
That there will be good days and bad days
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

For all our darling children xxx

tami, I never went to toddler group. As a result, I am socially inept and and a total outcast, I failed at school, have been fired from every job and most evenings I sit in staring at a blank wall. NOT!!!!
Your H is an arse, have I ever told you?

tami we didn't go to stay and play group either this afternoon. DD1 wasn't feeling too great, which I noticed from her asking to watch Toy Story 3, she always watches Toy Story films when she is ill. So we cuddled up on the sofa and watched Toy Story 3 and Toy Story 2. After that she went upstairs herself and slept in our bed. Poor little thing didn't want to eat either...
Your DD won't have missed out anything! She probably doesn't even realise she could have gone... I echo what the others said, your husband could have taken her.

I need to pull myself together and tidy up the house, my parents are visiting from Thursday to Sunday... Just don't have the energy to do anything. Ah well I work better under pressure anyway... will probably tidy up tomorrow and Thursday morning after my hospital appointment! :)

DD1 was lying on my tummy earlier and listening to 'the babies' (she still keeps saying it's twins) and saying she was listening to their hearts to hear if they weren't broken like Sterre's. She said they sounded fine! :)

Thanks all! DD1 is so sociable (compared to DS who was/is more self-contained) that I feel bad for not letting her socialise constantly (not helped by Dsis's comments yesterday).

Miasmummy Mia is looking out for you, and her new sibling. I guess it's very bittersweet though xx

Whatever your comments gave me a good laugh :) xx

everlong I hope I feel better soon. Last friday I had my haircut - by a completely inept 'stylist', and the manageress had to recut it, to make it look half-decent (it is now way too short), not a great few days xx

chip According to my Dsis you should be all the things you joked about xx

Blue I hope DD1 feels better soon. What she said about Sterre just made me say "aww" out loud, how lovely, but heartbreaking xx

Just a poem, which says exactly what I feel;
I'be sat and I've read what I have write,
Reading poems that I've come to know,
Wondered what, for all of my pain, I have to show,
I've given my all, my love and my trust,
Somehow along the way, it just wasn't enough,
I know I must, but how do I say,
Farewell to my babies, i'll miss you everyday?,
My heart cannot just mend,
Like everyone thinks, so no I cannot just pretend,
The pain and the anger and suffering inside,
Is all gone, its not a dirty secret I have to hide,
But when night time falls and I'm all alone,
That's when one day I know, I too, will be called home.

MLM that is just lovely. But I hope you don't think that what you did was never enough for your babies. You were just extremely, extremely unlucky. We all are. You will always love them, and carry them in your heart for the rest of your life.

I done all that I could to help then thrive. Something went wrong. I will always love them, I won't forget, cos a mothers love does not forget.

blue Ella sounds like a little angel, what a sweet heart to say that. Bless her.

tami if my DH had said that to me, I would have gone to town on his arse! lol there was a thing on facebook the other day, a joke that kind of went a little bit like this.

a man comes home from work to find the wifes car on the driveway with the door open, the kids are in the back garden playing still in their pjs, food and cartoons of drink and food are everywhere. The kitchen is a mess pots and pans every where, cupboards open, fridge open, cat being sick on the oven dog poo on the floor. The tv is on in the living room, the phone is ringing. The toilet is full and the taps are running. He steps into the bedroom and his wife is still in bed reading a book, he looks at her in disbelief. And asks her 'what have you been doing today?' She says oh today I decided to do nothing! You see I was fed up with you asking what I have done today everytime you come in from work, and you making out I do nothing at all, so I decided to actually do nothing!

Well it went something like that.

I miss my little girl today, seeing some pics of her NCT friends all turning one, also my nephew giggling has brought it a bit home today, I wonder what Fi would have been like. DH and I were asking this today, would she have been a little firecracker, or would she have been a bit shy? I guess we shall never know.

Fanjo, it is so hard. I am still in the FB group for MN 2011 babies. I want to be in it as I have made good friends there and I want to see how Sylvie-Rose's buddies are doing but it hurts that I can't put up pictures of her in her bumbo. I don't even know if she would have had one or whether she would have been able to sit in it. And I so would have loved to see her smile.

Glad it's first thing Blue look forward to hearing that you've seen your wriggly one xx

Ladies, I think your kind words would be welcome here

blueberryboybait thank you I have just posted on the thread, such a sad sad story.

chip to see our girls smile would be......well I dont have words.

(I wanted to ask hows the mumsnet blanket? I crocheted a few of the squares on it, I hope it gives you comfort)

Hi. Sadly I need to ask if I can join you ladies.

I just posted a thread about our son, Benedict. We have a three year old daughter. The other day, my husband was talking to my mum and said he was off to see Peanut (that was Benedict's bump name and also his mn ). She said 'but he can't see Peanut, Peanut's gone. Then a while later she asked my mum is she could see Peanut. We want to always be honest, and to talk about her brother as much as possible. We had planed to take her up to the grave at some point, but not so soon - won't seeing a big mound of earth and being told her brother is under is totally freak her out? It freaks me out to think of it.

I am so sorry for your loss. I had 2 mmc's and these ladies have been my strength through it all.

MrsY I am so very, very sorry. I lost Tamsin, at 37 weeks 6 months ago. I can't say it has got a lot easier. My DD1 is 2 at the end of next month. We take her to see her sister all the time (obviously she is younger than your DD). To her it's just a way of life now. I'm so very sorry that you've had to join us here, but you're very welcome. Benedict is a lovely name xx

fanjo :) thanks xx

Another crisis today (sorry I feel so bloody selfish & self-indulgent doing this, but I have no one else to turn to).

Having lost Tamsin, I'm now sure that DD1 is going to be taken away - and it's my own stupid fault. I took her to the Dr, and was addressing concerns. Now she thinks that I'm incompetent, and they are going to take her away. My mum will be so angry at me for opening my mouth, as will DH, but I worry so much about her, now the Dr thinks I've hurt her. If she goes I honestly don't know if life is worth living anymore. I'm sorry but I'm so bloody scared, and can't believe how stupid I've been, all because I'm worried.

tami honestly they don't take kids away from their parents. It really is a last resort, they will understand your concerns and social services if they get involved will only put in support for you. I suffered from such bad post natal depression that I wanted me and my baby dead. That was all they done for me, plenty of visits from the health visitor too. Honestly if you bottled it you would have just gotten ill.

Thanks MLM but I don't want any support from social services, I will refuse it & DD1 will be taken away, maybe it will be for the best. I don't have PND, and I never told her how I was feeling either, it was other things, which I don't know how to cope with

MLM I forgot to say - your poem was very moving, very sad xx

Thanks for the welcome tami. My my mum works for Social Services and I can agree with MLM, they don't just take kids away frm their parents, especially if you have a suport network around you and your husband is there. Keep being honest, if you haven't hurt her then they can't say you have, they need evidence of these things. The fact you were worried just shows how much you care about her wellbeing.

Is there someone else you can talk to about your concerns?

Hope you get some reassurance soon. Hugs. If you want to PM me with any questions you have I can ask my mum and get back to you?

Thanks, I went as she has ezcema on her face. Whist there I mentioned that she has bruises on her legs, and arms (she hasn't any on her arms at the moment). I was worried she may have something wrong with her. The GP asked why she had them (they're tiny little ones) and I said that she is active, and also sleeps funny in her cot, and her legs and arms get caught.

DD1 (who had been happily running around the waiting room) became very quiet in the Drs. She didn't smile or talk (she used to scream in the doctor's room before), and the Dr asked if she could speak, and if she ever smiled. Then said she wants the HV to check she's OK.

Stupid thing is everyone comments on how happy she always is, and how confident she is, but all the Dr saw was a scared, quiet little girl, who hid behind me. She hates the Dr pulling her around, injecting her etc, and this is the only time she is quiet.

I'm scared the GP thinks that DD1 is unhappy, and that I bruise her. I'm so scared xx

They really won't. And your worries will be understood. Often they will cone round, have a chat and there will be nothing more. You are a brilliant mum.

MLM Thanks (((hugs))) I reported my earlier post, as it came out all wrong, I'm so het up at the moment, this week has been the worst since Tamsin died, and I'm just so over-emotional right now xx

We all get like that. Some nights I just really need a hug. And the best person to give them in my life works insane hours.

I myself am still learning to live with it, and it will be 4 years come august since I lost my 2nd baby. Time and love heal somethings, my babies though I don't want to heal from, I like hurting cos it makes them real and it means they aren't forgotten. I will always love and miss them.

tami hugs to you what a time you are having. I'm sure the HV will ask more questions and maybe able to help if you think you have depression I'm guessing you do as I havnt read the rest of the thread. Try not to worry, you were just concerned and the HV will see that.

MrsY welcome to the thread and so sorry you find yourself here.
My daughter Ophelia was stillborn last April, we didn't know she had died till I was in labour. I don't think it ever gets easier it just gets easier to carry the grief. We have a beautiful memory box for her full of things from her birthday and also her funeral. We don't have any other children, but I do have a young brother in law he's nine but unfortunatly he will not speak about Fi. I think that upsets my DH. DH and I talk about Fi all the time, it helps us get through the dark times but also helps us day to day.

Appleseed I too lost my first at 41 weeks, and yes it could have been picked up by the midwife but we didn't go there either - after all no-one would deliberately have made us lose our babies would they :( . We had the same dilemma as you but just took the plunge and had our second baby a year and 3 days later (three weeks early and by planned ceasarian). The pregnancy was scary, as were my subsequent ones. I now have 3 (4) lovely children.

I think there is no right time - I was numb all the way through the second pregnancy, hated going to clinics and the overwhelming sense when my daughter was born was relief. An aquaintance came up to me not long after our daughter was born and said that she was so glad I'd had the courage to go on and have another baby - she had not had that courage and always regretted it (I'd always assumed she didn't want children ).

And the anniversaries get slightly easier with the passing of time - what kills me is the milestones - should have been starting school, moving on to secondary school...It's been twelve years and a month, but it could have been yesterday.