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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

"Too Beautiful for Earth" For Sylvie-Rose and all our Angel Children

905 replies

chipmonkey · 16/03/2012 21:55

For my darling Sylvie-Rose, taken from us just seven weeks after you were born. Too beautiful for this earth but I so wish you could have stayed nonetheless.
And for all the Mums walking this tough path. Let us link arms along the way and not be defeated by the cruel blow life has dealt us.

OP posts:
everlong · 01/04/2012 09:15

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shabbapinkfrog · 01/04/2012 09:30

Morning girls xx

Have got the cold from hell LOL....Cant breathe properly, cant taste anything and feel very sorry for myself!!!

MyLittleMiracle · 01/04/2012 09:34

lavandes it must be wonderful to be able to see the and KNOW they are wel, it is so easy to lie on the phone or by email. And must be reassuring.

shabba hope you start t ofeel better soon.

Tomorrow is my new life's beginning, but my old life deosnt end. Its there, but a memory and i can select te bits from it i want to remember, and forget the rest of it!

Tamisara · 01/04/2012 10:13

everlong Have you got a 5yr old too? I'm guessing that we are a similar age. I guess the good thing about grandchildren is you get the good bits, but escape the sleepless nights. I also think there is a special bond between grandchildren and grandparents (especially nans). My mum has never been especially close to her granchildren (DS & my nephew), until DD1 came along, who absolutely adores her nan :) She gets very tired now though, one of the downfalls of me having DD1 later.

I was taken in 'hook, line & sinker' by the message from MNHQ, saying that we are to be called 'Momsnet', and changing some board names. Forgot the date Grin

orion3 · 01/04/2012 12:28

Hi,
I haven't posted here yet but Chipmonk Pm'ed me and said it would be okay to add myself to this thread.
My name is Fiona and my 5 year old son, Jude died two days before Christmas very suddenly. I'm glad to find somewhere where there are people who have been through the same thing and seem to be surviving.
Fiona
x

chipmonkey · 01/04/2012 12:45

Hi Orion! Glad you found us but sorry you had to. I'm so sorry you lost your lovely boy. This is a long hard road but the ladies here are wonderful. We won't ever get over our lovely children but we will survive this and keep each other going.

OP posts:
Tamisara · 01/04/2012 13:01

orion I am so very sorry about Jude (((hugs)))

I am glad you found us, like chip said, but so desperatly sorry that you have to xx

everlong · 01/04/2012 16:34

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everlong · 01/04/2012 16:40

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MyLittleMiracle · 01/04/2012 17:27

Hello orion, glad you found us, have to say sometimes when i am feeling weak, these women are my strength and they pull me through, i can write anything on here and no one judges my feelings or questions why, they are just accepted and understood.

lavandes · 01/04/2012 19:47

Hi ladies xx

Welcome to our special and supportive thread Orion. I am so sorry you find yourself here but we will try to support you and we will never judge you. You can shout, scream and say whatever you like it doesn't matter, there is almost always someone here to listen xx

everlong · 01/04/2012 19:53

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orion3 · 01/04/2012 20:02

Thank you all for the welcome. I've been having a pretty bad day today and the tears haven't been far away. It's the start of the Easter holidays and I can't help thinking of all the plans we would've had.

I hope it gets easier.

lavandes · 01/04/2012 20:34

Our grandchildren bring so much comfort Everlong, mine are not near me as you know but the time I do spend with them is so precious. The Devon ones are coming for Easter. The Oz family are coming in September, grandson will be 1 the day before they arrive. We are all going to France for a week in the middle of their visit. Although it is months away we are starting to plan and getting excited. Skype is the most brilliant thing for us all. I can tell from looking at and listening to my son if all is well or not. xx

Whatevertheweather · 01/04/2012 20:35

A warm welcome Orion so sorry you have found yourself here. Jude is a gorgeous name. What a horrible shock (understatement i'm sure) that must have been just before Christmas. Tell us more about him if you feel able. My baby DD Erin died last August shortly after she was born, we also have an older dd who is in reception year.

Glad you've had a lovely day with baby O today Everlong

Felt definite baby movements today Smile

lavandes · 01/04/2012 20:35

Hope you are starting to feel a bit better Shabs xxx

Tamisara · 01/04/2012 20:36

Whatever Brilliant news Grin xx

shabbapinkfrog · 01/04/2012 20:37

Thanks Lavandes....have been asleep all afternoon and I think it has 'done me good' xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 01/04/2012 20:39

orion also a welcome from me, and I am sorry to hear that today has been so tough for you as you miss your Jude. Missing our children becomes our 'new normal' and that is the only way I can describe it. Please, just be gentle on yourself.

My beautiful red-headed Mia also died unexpectedly last October, at the age of 13 months. We are still waiting for the inquest, and still very much in the throes of learning to adapt to life without our little flame, just as you are. It is often horrible and hard, but I can say that while each day still often holds tears and pain, I am learning that I can still smile and enjoy things, even if sometimes I feel I am existing, rather than actively choosing to live, as I know I must do. I love my daughter more every day, and try to carry her smile in my heart wherever I go. One of my friends said to me " 'Happy mothers make happy babies' and that is still true, wherever your baby is", so I try to remember that, even if it is hard.

If you need to cry, then do. If you need to share feelings here, then do. If you have a special moment or memory of Jude that you can't express in RL, we would love to listen. (I often write about all kinds of happenings that I may not share elsewhere, simply because they make me feel close to Mia.) This is a special place, with a group of women who will inspire you, and make you smile, and one day, even make you laugh, although you may not think it possible right now. xx

lavandes · 01/04/2012 20:39

What a special day for you whatever xx

MyLittleMiracle · 01/04/2012 20:41

whatever brilliant news and it is so exciting when you feel them first movements!

I cant say the pain lessens, you just sort of learn to live with it, you dont forget them, or the pain, you just learn to live with it.

A poem that might help, but possibly not, which i got from here, copied and pasted and often read. Many of these wonderful women will have read it before.

Ask My Mum How She Is

My mum she tells a lot of lies, she never did before,
From now until the days she dies, she'll tell a whole lot more,
She used to tell the truth a lot, but now it doesnt matter,
I died and went to heaven, and now her life is all a shattered

Ask my mum how she is, and she'll say "oh yes, I'm fine!"
She wants to beg, please help me, cause i've lost that boy of mine,
Ask my mum how she is and she;ll say "oh i'm alright"
If thats the truth then tell me please, why does she cry each night?

Ask my mum how she is, cos she seems to cope so well,
She didnt have a choice, you see, nor the strength to yell,
You think you know the feeling, but in fact that cannot be,
For although you loved me, it was not as much as she

She'll smile and tell you "It's okay God has a plan",
But then she'll turn away and cry cause she cant understand
You tell a joke, she giggles, but in fact she's not okay,
She wants to share the joke with me, but it wont be today

I watch her in heaven, her distress disturbs my peace,
Will someone please take care of her, and thus take care of me?
"Some day you will feel better", "Yes i will one day" she lies,
She knows this will not happen until the day she dies

Ask my mum how she is and she'll say "i'm doing good",
She cannot tell you how she feels, oh, how i wish she could
Ask my mum how she is she'll say "I'm okay, I'm fine, I'm coping"
For God sake mum just tell the truth and say your heart is broken

Ask my mum how she is she'll say "I'm well and you?"
I'll shake my head in heaven, cause it simply isnt true,
She'll love me all her life, just like i loved her all of mine,
She'll lie and try to hide the pain, pretending she is fine

Her carnival is over, she stepped off the carousel,
But to save you feeling bad she'll say "Yes, thank you all is well"
My Mum, she's not gone mad quite yet, but oh, so very nearly,
Don't ask her how she's doing, ask her how she's doing....really,

I'm watching her from heaven and i cannot hug from here,
If she lies to you, dont listen, but please hug her, hold her near,
On the day we meet for ever, we shall smile and I'll be bold,
You're lucky to get in here, Mum, with all the lies you've told.

Just hope it helps, although it reduces me to tears.

xx

everlong · 01/04/2012 20:41

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Whatevertheweather · 01/04/2012 20:43

Thank you Smile 17+5 today that's definitely the earlier than I felt K or E.

frasersmummy · 01/04/2012 20:46

I am having a wobble ... still missing my mum and a fortnight tonight my darling son fraser would be 8

how can it be 8 years how?? there is someone missing in my family .. he will always be missing but sometimes that gap hurts more than others

nights like tonight I am right back in that room with the scanner on and anyone with half a brain can see there is no heartbeat but because they need a consultant to read the scan they wont tell me the worst .. 4 folk all stood around saying nothing and me shouting talk to me ..

sorry for the self indulgent moment ... but sometimes there isnot enough alcohol in the world

lavandes · 01/04/2012 20:48

That poem says it all for me miracle I have thought of putting it on facebook for some members of our family in the hope they will 'get it'. xx