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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

"Too Beautiful for Earth" For Sylvie-Rose and all our Angel Children

905 replies

chipmonkey · 16/03/2012 21:55

For my darling Sylvie-Rose, taken from us just seven weeks after you were born. Too beautiful for this earth but I so wish you could have stayed nonetheless.
And for all the Mums walking this tough path. Let us link arms along the way and not be defeated by the cruel blow life has dealt us.

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 27/03/2012 15:12

Grin after reading your message Everlong I really am lost for words....

Tamisara · 27/03/2012 15:58

Oh Everlong, I'm so sorry that anyone (one in particular I guess) poster has behaved so shamefully, I don't know what else to say. You're so brave. I remember that thread about smoking in pregnancy, and admired how you had the courage of your convictions.

I can't believe the insensitivity of some people towards bereaved parents - I really, honestly can't.

The one thing I've noticed since I began this damned wretched journey, is how people are 'nice' and 'sorry' for a while (whilst your're in a muddled, confused world that looks the same, but may as well be planet Zog). Then it changes, people carry on - of course they should, but they forget that you're not the same person anymore, and can say things that are damned right bloody inexcusable.

On another parenting site, on Mother's Day, there was a woman commenting on the amount of women complaining their DHs hadn't made them breakfast in bed/bought suitable gifts. This woman pointed out that they at least still had children, whereas some women are not so lucky. She was flamed. It was shocking! Some women actually said why shouldn't they moan just because someone else had lost their children? I couldn't quite believe it. Empathy appeared dead.

I've been flamed on that other site. I told a woman, who hadn't felt her baby move much since the previous night, to go to hospital. A young girl then told me that her midwife had told her that if she'd felt 10 movements in 24 hours it was fine. I said I didn't think it was a good idea to wait, that if the baby's movements were different to usual it was a cause for concern. The young girl then told me "wind your neck in", that her midwife knows more than me etc. I explained I'd lost a child this way, and she then PM'd me telling me she'd had two early miscarriages so knew more than me "you stupid ridiculous woman". I kind of thought what's the point? But I'd rather that than anyone go through what I did.

Everlong you really are fantastic, I hope in time I can become half as eloquent & calm as you

everlong · 27/03/2012 16:40

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chipmonkey · 27/03/2012 17:29

You were right to say the title was off, everlong and you didn't bang on and on about it. To be frank, the title was vile and untrue, whether or not the OP intended it to come across that way. I thought I was clicking on it to offer support to a bereaved mother and while the OP's son does need help, and a lot of it, he's still alive and that needed to be reflected in the thread title. There was no need for anyone to pm you, either, that was out of order.

OP posts:
everlong · 27/03/2012 17:33

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CheeseandGherkins · 27/03/2012 17:33

I've read some of that thread everlong and I'm in agreement with you. I'm glad the title has been changed now but noone should have pmed you over it. It's shocking actually that someone would do that. If only people realised...I wouldn't wish the way I feel on my worst enemy and I know you weren't trying to make it about you at all. I hope you're ok xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 27/03/2012 21:34

Hello all. everlong so sorry that you have been hauled over the coals so needlessly today. It always surprises me that people can be so blinkered in their views.

I spent the day looking after a little friend of Mia's, as her parents had childcare issues. Lovely day with a charming little girl - but so hard too. I want to share these experiences with Mia. Of course, I know life continues, but having a close-up of what I am missing with her hurts so much. I think people think it is a bit strange that I put myself through this. How I see it though, is that if I shut Mia's friends out my life, I feel that I will lose that connection of being able to imagine what Mia might be doing. And that is far worse. Cue lots of gulping tears...

So I attended a toddler class instead of tami today. A few deep breaths needed, as I recognised some of the mothers there from a different class Mia attended. I think they probably recognised me, but didn't say anything, which was ok. And there was a little girl there, who just kept staring at me, seeking my attention - and it turns out, her name was Mia. Coincidence? Maybe. But maybe not too.

Tamisara · 27/03/2012 21:46

Miasmummy My first thought there, was how incredibly brave you are. Mia's friends parents must think so too, or they wouldn't have asked/let you to help. How wonderful to have that connection too, it could be so easy for them to have shut you out, not talked to you (like the other parents at the group), but you are still valued by them - Mia is still valued by them, that is truly very special.

I think there is something in the other little girl called Mia, especially as she was seeking your attention xx

everlong · 27/03/2012 21:58

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chipmonkey · 27/03/2012 23:05

Maybe, your Mia was whispering in her ear, "I'm Mia too, that's my Mummy, isn't she lovely!"

OP posts:
Tamisara · 28/03/2012 14:09

Grr... There's a thread on this board, that has upset me slightly. I know it shouldn't, but it has. I don't want to comment on it, as I don't think they'd want me to.

Far too sensitive at the moment. I've always hated this about me. It's not been helped by DD1 deciding to wake up at 1.45am (she doesn't go to sleep before 9pm, though she goes up an hour before). She then stayed awake till 5.50am, before rising again at 7.30am... it makes me so bad-tempered when she disrupts my sleep, especially as I take sleeping pills. 1.45am - 5.30am... surely that's not normal for a 21month old?

everlong · 28/03/2012 14:52

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Tamisara · 28/03/2012 17:47

Thanks Everlong, yep it was in bereavement, but it seemed to be ignored. As I said, I'm just way too sensitive at the moment

everlong · 28/03/2012 17:54

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blizy · 28/03/2012 21:27

tami I know what thread you mean, and no it is not you being sensitive. It upset me too.

everlong I'm sorry about the way you have treated by some twits, some people really dhac!

miasmum That is so incredibly brave of you to go to a baby group. Mia will be very proud of her fantastic mummy!

whatever Dh and I are planning to use Zoe's things with her future siblings (if it ever happens).

Tamisara · 28/03/2012 22:12

blizy I'm not glad that it upset you, but I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling upset by it, just felt like a kick in the guts, however unintended. I hope you do get to use Zoe's things xx

Tamisara · 28/03/2012 22:24

everlong a less stressful afternoon, but didn't have much rest :(

Went to the cemetery & watered Tamsin's pansies. The grave next but one, has twin baby girls in. They had the most beautiful solar powered butterflies. To start with I thought "what a pretty butterfly" as the movement is so lifelike... truly one of the most inspired decorations I've seen. DD1 likes to pick daisys there, but balks at the idea of putting them on her sister's grave.

I put Tamsin's photos in her special album. I know it sounds silly, but up till now, I've put them in my handbag every night, so they were close to hand, one of the first things I'd grab... they're so priceless & irreplaceable. But they were getting damaged, so now the whole album can go in at night Grin

I took DD1 out to see the moon & stars tonight. She was entranced by the moon. She laughed when she heard "birdies", I think because she couldn't see them. I told her Tamsin was "up there" and got her to wave goodnight, not sure she has a clue what I'm on about... She knows Tamsin's photo on the side (but is more interested in "mummy & daddy") knows that the grave is Tamsin (but has no concept), and now I'm telling her Tamsin is in the sky... I hope I'm not confusing her too much.

shabbapinkfrog · 29/03/2012 06:43

Morning x

everlong · 29/03/2012 06:52

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lavandes · 29/03/2012 06:55

Morning ladies xx

Whatevertheweather · 29/03/2012 07:30

Morning it certainly does Everlong

everlong · 29/03/2012 07:59

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Vondo · 29/03/2012 08:49

Morning Ladies, mind if I join in?

Thank you all who helped me on my thread yesterday. I feel so much better today having done something.

My DS3 (3) said to me this morning that the picture of DS2 is him not Finn. All three boys have been identical when born so I can see how he thinks that. DS1 sat with him to explain that it was Baby Finn and that he was his big brother who was keeping Granny company in heaven. DS3 doesn't quite understand but I think DS1 feels better talking about him. Smile

Whatevertheweather · 29/03/2012 09:19

Welcome Vondo sorry I didn't see you other thread but I'm sorry you have found yourself here x

I'm doing okay Everlong thank you. How are you getting on? I think I've felt some little flutters, it's so hard to tell. Can't wait to start feeling definite, regular movements. 17+1 weeks now but not got next scan until 25th April.

Tamisara · 29/03/2012 09:39

chip Everlong Thanks and Wine xx

Vondo I'm glad you found us. I replied on your thread, before I realised you joined xx

Whatever How exciting! It must seem like an eternity till the next scan, though afterwards it seems like it raced by xx

Hope lumps is OK, and knows we are thinking of her.

Waiting to hear back from my consultant. I emailed her secretary when the repeat results came back, and was told I'd get a reply that day or the next. Still nothing, and my last email wasn't even ackowledged.