Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

Thinking of you saying goodbye to your mum fm. Remembering our twin sons who would have been nearly teenagers now. Milo and Leon.

Oh Chip it's so hard when you get caught unawares. If it's any consolation I cried in Next too when I saw the baby Halloween costumes x

I consoled myself by going to the garden centre and getting some nice things for her grave. And when I had arrived home, the solar lights for the Christmas tree on her grave had arrived. But it's not really the same doing a grave up, is it?
I have just finished a book called "Walking in the Garden of Souls" by George Anderson, an American medium. He does seem like the genuine article although I suppose you never can tell with mediums. He says that we bereaved parents choose this life before we are born and we choose it as it is the greatest test of strength and the rewards in heaven are great. I so want to believe it. Mostly I do believe it but I hate the moments of doubt, when I think I'll never see her again.

Remembering Scarlett Niamh, died on 2/12/10, born sleeping 6/12/10. Always in our hearts, our beautiful angel xxx

Have a man coming over to interview us for a book he's writing for sands tonight which should be interesting. Hopefully it will help in some way.

Hospital for a check up in the morning, my bp has been up and down so I'm hoping it will all be ok.

fm thinking of you todayxxxx

kirsty hello. My thoughts are with you and Thomas. Mia also died in October.

chip and whatever I also have a list of Stores I Have Cried In. Next, Homebase, M&S... I wonder if people ever see us, and think to come over to console us?

I don't really know what I believe in, but I SO want to believe that I will see Mia again. That hope sometimes is the only thing that sustains me. I just hope she recognises me.

Must admit, I am feeling like a pretty damn useless member of society. Today was the first day when we don't have any family staying with us, so I don't actually have to "do" anything. Not working at the moment (have a dormant company waiting for me to develop, but no motivation), and don't have any other children to look after, so I could stay in bed and read all day if I wanted. Have my DH, but the daytime is so empty. No Mia activities to do, no sleeps or meals to break up the day. Of course, there are a million things I could find to do, but so hard to work up the energy to do so.

Hmm can I do a mini aibu (far to fragile atm to brave it for real )

Doorbell rings just before 8pm, smiley volunteer from Anthony Nolan Trust on the doorstep. She launches in to lots of stats about childhood cancers and how many children die each year. I start feeling a bit teary so said 'I'm really sorry but my baby dd recently died just after she born of cancer and this is a bit too close to the bone for me to listen to right now. I'd be happy to take a leaflet/web address'. She then got a bit aggressive and said 'well then surely that's all the more reason for you to just sign up now to help prevent other children dying like your daughter did'. I don't know if it was her tone or her words but it really upset me. So wibu to ask her to leave and not listen? My radar for these things is all off at the moment.

Oh and the doorbell ringing gave K an excuse to pop out if bed for the millionth time

Hope today went as well as it could FM xx

Remembering my Bobbie. Born 9th Oct 2010. Missed everyday.

fm ((())) I didn't know about your mum, I'm so sorry. I hope the funeral went as you hoped and did her proud. Big hugs to you today xxx

WTW WTF is it with some people??? You were absolutely not unreasonable to tell her to leave. What is wrong with just saying "I'm so sorry to hear about your dd, I appreciate this is not the right time, but please get in touch with us any time if you'd like to donate in future". So sorry you had to hear that. I would be so angry. It would feel to me like she didn't care about my dd and was just using her as a guilt tripping bargaining tool. It would seem to make little of her life and my loss. I'm afraid I would be in the shouty "how dare you talk about my dd like that, f*ck off" camp

fm sorry, didn't say it before, but you have certainly been in my mind today. Hope you have some peace, if that's possible.

whatever YANBU, definitely not. You were polite, you explained, you asked for a leaflet... I wouldn't have had the self-control or presence to do any of those very reasonable actions.

cheese hope tonight's meeting does help you, and tomorrow's hospital visit goes well.

Omg whatever, you are so not unreasonable! People don't cease to amaze me with their rude and twatish behaviour.

Oh, for the love of God, Whatever, what is wrong with that woman. Do you know which charity it was? Because I would email them at once and complain about the calibre of person they see fit to employ. for you!

Oh, I meant to say, I got some solar fairy lights for Sylvie-Rose's little Christmas tree from a site called home2garden.co.uk. Am hoping they will be visible from the road when we drive past.

Remembering Jacob, died 2 months ago today. We love and miss you more each day angel boy. Have fun with all the other angels on here,celebrate Christmas together whilst knowing all you parents wish you love and happiness but desperately want you with us.

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

Thank you for your messages last night. I went to bed not long after I posted was wiped out. I'm glad my reaction was appropriate I was really worried I was being over sensitive.

Cheese Hope you're appt goes well this morning xx

Well that was interesting!!! Massive panic attack despite the fact that I take Beta Blockers to stop them.....all caused because I have to go to our local town to shop today....cant do it online and really, really have to force myself out of these four walls. Its times like this that I know I 'lost the plot' years ago and have no idea where I 'put it!!!'

Remembering Sterre, born on 20th June 2011 into the arms of Jesus.

Hugs for everyone! xxx

We've just moved house and it's all a bit chaos still! :)
Although we did put up Xmas decorations already and I've got lots of lovely stars all over the house! :)

chip and karma I read what you wrote about 'miscarriage' and I just find it such an awful word. Sterre is classed as a 'late miscarriage'... I would personally prefer 'early stillbirth'. Even though she was only 20 weeks and 4 days and she wasn't really viable to survive at that gestation, she was born! I gave birth to her...

wtw what a silly woman that was you had at your door! I would send them an email like someone suggested!

kirsty so sorry you had to join us! Please tell us about your precious Thomas! we will look after you here! x

Shabs just remember one foot in front of the other and don't forget to breathe. You can do it. Focus on what you need to get done and then you can get home again. If you really can't do it today there is always tomorrow. Big hugs and calming thoughts xxx

Blue I saw on fb that you'd moved, yay! Hows it going fitting everything in?

Oh yes I am the 'grand master' of 'one foot in front of the other and dont forget to breathe!!' Just a wobble - onwards and upwards x

Morning all xx

Shabs , just a wobble indeed x

thank you all for your support yesterday.. I was remarkably calm all day except during the half hour service when I wept buckets!!!! guess that was to be expected

I had hoped to feel a bit more like myself today but for some reason i was up all night being sick ..reaction tothe day perhaps and today I am exhausted and teary....

see the next person who says when are you going back to work...??? god its only a week since I sat at my mum's beside all night and watched her slipping away .. going to see my gp in a few hours.. see if he will give me something to help

chip it would be nice to see sylvie-Rose's lights from the road..actually scratch that.. how can lights on your dd's garden be nice .. just means you can see she is not all in darkness... my brain wont work hopefuy you know what I mean .

Shabs are you ok mate... ?????

Oh I have this sorted now!!! Very close to Bolton town center they are regenerating the area and have put a small number of shops there - Argos etc. Short walk from mine to bus stop - 10 minute bus ride....off to Argos.... back to bus stop, short ride home....short walk and back in the house!!! LOL. Just got Lew a CD player/Karaoke machine....with proper microphones and everything. Dan and Em will be cursing me when he is screaming along to the Foo Fighters on Xmas morning!!! Yes he is only 3 but he loves Foo Fighters!!!