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Original poster

Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

993 replies

shabbapinkfrog · 11/12/2011 13:54

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

OP posts:
Everlong · 11/12/2011 13:57

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Whatevertheweather · 11/12/2011 14:23

Beautiful, perfect Shabs

Remembering Erin, I hope that she has found all of your angels and I hope that they are watching down on us so proud at how we are keeping them alive in our hearts xx

CazBX · 11/12/2011 15:05

A beautiful new thread and first post Shab xx

Remembering Anabelle, as we find our way through her 2nd Christmas and wish so hard she was here to show us what a beautiful 18 month old toddler she would have/has become and to meet her little brother. We love you little angel, to the moon and back, always. Our family is never complete without you x x x

janedoe25 · 11/12/2011 15:20

shabs beautiful words, than you for the new thread.

Remembering our very own Christmas Angel, we miss and love you with all our being. Keep twinking bright Zoe bear. xxx

aziraphale · 11/12/2011 16:04

Hi again everyone. Shabs thank you for the new thread.

I'm so sad this weekend. SS is staying and is being showered with gifts. The shops are full of mums and babies looking forward to their first Christmas. I feel as if I have no-one and nobody cares. very self-indulgent I know but OH is hassling me to buy a car at the moment and wants to talk of nothing else. Neither of us are working (I've been made redundant and am looking for work) so why would we get a loan?

I feel like screaming into people's faces "WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT MY BABY? WHERE IS HE?" but I have to be seen to "keep it together." I'm so tired of avoiding the subject of my son when he's all I want to talk about. I want to buy him presents, dress him up in a little Santa outfit, take pictures of him, show him the tree, show him the snow... and I FUCKING CAN'T and I'm so, so angry.

Oh here come the tears. I'm sorry for venting everyone. Remembering all your lovely little ones and my Charlie bear. xx

karmathreefold · 11/12/2011 16:11

Hi everyone.

aziraphale I'm so sorry that you don't feel listened to (((hugs)))

I can only imagine your pain, watching as SS is adored and spoilt, and you're without your precious Charlie - and it is bloody unfair! xx

karmathreefold · 11/12/2011 16:13

Sorry xx

Remembering Tamsin Rainbow, exactly 6 weeks old today, and missed, wanted, and loved more and more each day.xx Love to all the other angels too xx

Just realised that Tamsin will be 8 weeks exactly on Christmas day :(

parttimedomesticgoddess · 11/12/2011 16:39

Remembering Jack, our first born, who would have been 10 this year if he had not been born sleeping xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 11/12/2011 17:23

thank you for the hope message, shabba, I really need it today.

I celebrate Mia, my beautiful red-headed, noisy little girl of 13 months (nearly 15 if she were here). You are the pride of my heart, the focus of my life, the joy of my day. We miss you so.

hazygirl · 11/12/2011 17:36

to our precious grandson ,jayden,forever missed,never forgottenx

frasersmummy · 11/12/2011 19:02

thanks shabba..

whatever .. what bloody awful news ..like you say how much can one family take when others seem to sail through life

Karma.. a beautiful name for your beautiful daughter.. unfortunatly when you are a bereaved parent all too often its not about knowing the answers..its about living with the questions

I have logged in just in time for 7pm ..off to light a candle for my precious boy Fraser born sleeping 7 april 2004... cant believe he will be 8 in the spring and i will also be lighting one for my dear mum

Tomorrow is my lovely mum's funeral ...

chipmonkey · 11/12/2011 19:10

Remembering Sylvie-Rose, my beautiful daughter, taken from us when we were just getting to know you.

Karma, I was just reading on the other thread about that silly woman and the use of the word "miscarriage". I am finding myself increasingly irritated by the use of that word rather than stillbirth. I have found it particularly hard when reading about Lily Allen and how happy she must be having given birth to her daughter after the "miscarriage" last year and this when she herself has publically said it was NOT a miscarriage. But in the case of your friend whose 23 weeker died, I can also guess that in her world too, people will have said insensitive things which indicate that they didn't think of her baby as a real person. I have had similar with Sylvie-Rose. One friend said she "wasn't meant to be" despite her having llived, breathed without assistance, fed loads of breastmilk, had nappy changes and cried when she was unhappy with her lot. She was meant to be, because she actually was. Even the cross on her grave says "Born an Angel". To me, it seems wrong because if I saw that on a child's grave, I would assume the child had been born sleeping, whereas Sylvie-Rose was very much alive when she was born, she just left us too soon. Luckily it's just a marker, not the final headstone.
On the other hand, dh says she was an angel, we just didn't know it at the time.

LottieJenkins · 11/12/2011 19:19

Remembering my beautiful Jack....................Sad

kirstymh · 11/12/2011 19:50

Remembering Thomas....due 31/12/11, born sleeping 01/10/11. Carrying you in my heart forever x

frasersmummy · 11/12/2011 21:09

oh kirsty.... so newly bereaved.. I cant belive how many losses this year has seen... every christmas is hard... the first is the most horrendous but what you are going thru this year is beyond words

aziraphale · 11/12/2011 21:46

kirsty and FM I am thinking of you both. xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 11/12/2011 21:58

fm You are in my thoughts tonight and tomorrow.

Azira I don't get why 'holding it together' is seen as a virtue. To me, it seems senseless. Get the tears out, and hit something hard, and tell your family that Charlie is just as important as your SS.

shabba thank you for the post about the CF candle-lighting. I posted it on FB and asked my friends to join in, and have been sent the most wonderful photos and messages tonight, which have helped enormously after a tear-filled day.

chip and karma I agree with you about the thoughtlessness of words... I wish people just knew how cruel the wrong words can be.

janedoe25 · 11/12/2011 22:10

Fm I so sorry to hear about your wonderful mumSad. I am thinking of you tonight and tomorrow, hugs for you

lavandes · 11/12/2011 22:37

Thanks for our Christmas thread shabs* xx This time of year is so difficult for us all, but as always we will try to support eachother and get through it. xx

Precious memories of our beloved Richard, loved and missed so much xxx

Original poster
shabbapinkfrog · 12/12/2011 06:49

Morning girls xx

FM will be thinking about you today and 'walking' by your side. xxxx

OP posts:
LottieJenkins · 12/12/2011 07:26

Morning everyone.............FM i will be thinking about you today. Sending you love,hugs and prayers..........xxxxxxx

Whatevertheweather · 12/12/2011 07:42

Morning ladies xx

FM thinking of you and your family today xx

lavandes · 12/12/2011 08:21

Morning ladies xx

Thinking of you and your family today fm xx

Everlong · 12/12/2011 10:26

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chipmonkey · 12/12/2011 11:02

Thinking of you today, fm xx