Christmas hope - our safe haven thread for bereaved parents.

[shabbapinkfrog]

Hope....for the bereaved parent; even at Christmas, one of the most painful times of the year, there is an essence of hope. Hope....it is hope that sustains us through the days of grief and anger and frustration and loneliness.

The hope that someday the pain of the deaths of our children will be eased. The hope that someday our smiles will be real.

So, it is that for each of you I would hope....peace, compassion, love, sympathy, understanding, sharing and listening. In the sharing of our grief with one another, and in the emotional support we give to one another, we receive and understand all of these gifts.

Remembering my precious sons....and all of your precious children at this difficult time of year.

Morning all x How is everyone doing ?

Oh ladies I am in a state of total shock and disbelief. Found out yesterday that I am pregnant again. We were using precautions as I really needed the all clear from CT scan before trying again. Was supposed to be this Thursday so am trying to get hold of the consultant to discuss as I can't risk having it now. Oh dear.

Just can't believe it but there is no way I am going to jinx this by being negative. We wanted to try again this is just sooner than we expected. I'm all over the place and very scared. I feel guilty that others having been trying a while with no luck and here we are just 17 weeks after Erin died. I feel so disloyal to her. Not told anyone in RL can't face their reactions. Sorry to spill on here just needed to get it out.

wtw can't help but to say... congratulations :) I know it won't be easy, please join us at our ttc, pg with and having rainbow babies http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1324242-Mothers-of-Angel-Babies-United-wishing-for-some-of-us-pg-with-and-some-of-us-holding-our-Rainbow-babies thread There are lovely ladies there who will help you through and understand what you are feeling right now!
You are not disloyal! You are not replacing your precious Erin!

ugh... I'll do that link again for you thread

The dickheads 'men' who murdered Stephen Lawrence have both been found guilty.....I have watched his family behave with such dignity and determination. Justice, finally!!! I know that I dont know the family but I would like to hug them tightly and congratulate them on their dignified fight to get justice for their son. xx

OMG my heart goes out to his family.....I noticed that both his parents have eyes filled with pain....they have the resignation that their son has been murdered. Now the police need to do something about the other three cowardly bastards.

Thank you Blue I will definitely join you on that thread. Thank you for letting me know.

Thank you for your reassuring words Everlong. All will be well - think I may need to adopt that as my new mantra.

Didn't hear back from consultant today hopefully tomorrow.

wtw a gentle and lovely congratulations! what a surprise. I won't lie; it is going to be the most difficult 9 months, but keep hoping and praying because my boy is proof that wishes really do come true xxx

How is everyone elses start to the new year?

I coped with the Big Ben chimes much better this year, sadness ever present but I didn't crumble and shut down like last year. My new positive thinking progess for the new year is my 'photo a day challenge' for the whole year. Started a new blog to share them all. cazand2012.blogspot.com I'm still going with my Anabelle blog, this is just an aside for this year. I realise that the last 3 years have been really full on; 2009 I got married and got pregnant with Belle, 2010 she was born sleeping, 2011 we got pregnant with Xander... This year I want to try and find the smaller things in life again... The mundane almost.

Morning girls xx

WTW - could I add my congratulations and hope that everything goes very, very well for you xxx

Morning. Congrats again whatever saw you on the
conception/pregnancy thread :)

Thank you lovely ladies. Still not told anyone in RL except my consultant who was lovely and reassuring and is going to scan me in 3 weeks time. Feeling a bit calmer now. One day at a time xx

wtw, how wonderful! It will be fine. I'm sure Erin has sent her sister/brother your way!

Haven't been on here for ages ladies! Hope everybody had a peaceful Christmas! It was our first Christmas since Oliver passed away and it was so difficult! I found the lead up was worst than the day itself! Don't know if anybody else felt this?
Found myself having to put a brave face on for our daughter, the fake smile and pretending I was fine!
It was my nieces birthday on the 30th there was just 4 months between here and Oliver and all the children were sitting around the table singinging happy birthday! I just broke down, I couldn't pretend anymore! Oliver should have been there too!
I find myself desperate for another child! I don't want to replace him or forget about him I just long to hold another baby again! I got sterilised when I had Oliver so I'm afraid this will probably never happen!
Sorry I'm waffling on a bit! Xx

Morning girls xx

Mum needing help here

ginge, have you looked into IVF? Or reversal of sterilisation?

thanks Lottie I posted on the thread, as I know exactly how she must feel, having gone through the same 6,5 months ago!

Hello, I am the mum needing help Lottie referred to.

Yesterday morning we found out at a scan that our son's heart stopped beating at around 17 weeks. We have named him James Andrew and he is our second son. Our eldest DS has just turned two.

Tomorrow I have to return to hospital to discuss what is going to happen next. He is still tucked up inside me and I want him to stay there, warm, for ever.

The minutes are going too fast, without my consent.

DS knows something is wrong and got upset when I cried before. I told him the baby in Mummy's tummy was poorly and had gone to sleep so he put his face on my stomach and told the baby to wake up.

I hope you don't mind me joining your thread. I need to talk, I think. I know I need to sleep.

dear Ralph welcome here, although nobody would like to be here really... we are a lovely bunch of ladies and are all here to support each other... through the tears, through the laughter, through the pain, and all the rest.

I lost my precious DD2 Sterre at 20 weeks and 4 days pregnancy she was born, after going through the exact same thing as you. Happily going to my 20 week scan and ending up in a nightmare. She also stopped growing around 17 weeks and died. We know now after we had the post mortem done, she had triploidy, which is a chromosomal disorder which is not compatible with life.
Please do ask questions if you want to know what is going to happen next...

((big hugs)) x

RalphGnu I am so sorry for the loss of James, am "glad" that you have found us other Mums who can support you.

Ralph, I am so sorry you are joining us. We are the gang no-one wants to be in but who turn out to be great mates.
I will light a candle for your lovely James tonight.

Hello all x

Hi Ralph , I am so sorry about James Andrew , you are in the place now that no-one ever wants to be but I am glad that you have found us .

I so know that feeling of just wanting to be asleep , we will be here when you are ready to talk , if that is today or months down the line it doesn't matter , someone will be here to listen .

Be kind to yourself .

A candle will be lit here in Sussex too .

Hi Ralph I am so glad you have found us here. These ladies have been amazing since I lost Erin in August. It's the place no-one really wants to be but when faced with our situations it is the best place to be. Any questions you have please ask. Don't be afraid to say anything you want to here. James is such a beautiful name. Wishing you all the strength in the world to get you through the coming days xx

Thank you all for the congratulations. Still sinking in here but I have an early scan booked for 25th January. Realised after I agreed to it that 25th will be exactly 5 months since Erin died but feel too silly to ring and ask for it to be changed. Told my mum and sister today they were lovely and supportive but I had to reign them in a bit. They were starting to talk about things too far ahead for me.

Going to gp tomorrow. I have decided just to tell him everything and how I'm feeling and ask his opinion on going back to work on Monday.

Hope everyone else is doing okay.

Aziraphale and Karma - waves if you are reading this. Hope you are both okay been thinking of you xx