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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

973 replies

CazandBelle · 21/11/2010 20:35

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 12/12/2010 08:43

Morning girls xx

shelleylou · 12/12/2010 10:52

Morning all.

PPM i completely understand about this year feeling worse. I havent managed to put my tree up yet the thought of it fills me with dread. I think its because so much has happened to me in such a short space of time. Really going to try get it up today as ill be drunk busy tomorrow.

I think i've drank multiples of my body weight in alcohol this weekend and not a hangover in sight. Woohoo I was determind to spend the weekend drunk lol and had some great laughs while i was at it.

AxisofEvil · 12/12/2010 11:48

No tree for us this year. Neither of is can face "doing" Christmas.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 12/12/2010 12:29

Hi PPM, lovely to see you Smile

How are you doing Shabs?

There's another spare hand for you here MrsD, and there are plenty of other spares on this thread.

Caz - I think there's nothing like charting or ttc to mess your periods up. You've had a cold recently haven't you? That can delay ovulation which in turn can lengthen your cycle. There are lots of reasons why your cycle may be longer than usual, most of which are ok and normal.

frasersmummy · 12/12/2010 12:50

Hey everybody

I have just had the oddest experience

I was up at frasers garden lighting a candle and putting his xmas tree up (makes me feel mad at the best of times)

I was stood there all alone with no-one in sight. I heard what I swear were kids footsteps running on the path behind me .. I turned around.. no-one there .. I am now officially spooked

shabbapinkfrog · 12/12/2010 12:59

Awwwwwww dont be spooked....just your precious little man letting you know he is always around you and with you xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 12/12/2010 12:59

Moveit - doing OK thank you xxxxxx

frasersmummy · 12/12/2010 13:04

caz.. ttc to is a huge decision after what you have been through.

I dont have any words of wisdom.... but I have been there ... you will be suprised at the strength you find to get through this..

shabs.. share the bitchy crap with us...we enjoy a good bitch helping Grin

hey peter nice to see you again

shabbapinkfrog · 12/12/2010 13:22

when I get a spare few minutes I will Grin

spilttheteaagain · 12/12/2010 17:31

Afternoon everyone Smile

Thanks so much for the poems posted yesterday, TW's and PPM's ones were new to me and I sniffed and wept my way through them. Axis the one you posted is my favourite one when I think about my little girl. I want to frame it with her hand/foot prints.

Caz so sorry you are having such a difficult time just now. I would echo what ilove said about illness/stress/random factors delaying ovulation and meaning your period appears late. I'm not sure if it's your thing at all (and forgive me if this is too personal) but I have found charting (temps, cervical fluid etc) has been invaluable in terms of knowing what is happening in my cycle, when/if ovulation has occurred and when I can expect to bleed. We have a fab thread going in Conception called Charter's Anonymous which you'd be very welcome on if it was the right thing for you. (Please ignore if this is not helpful)

I have some news of my own too. I am pregnant.
This was far from the plan (told to wait 6 months by consultant) but we are cautiously very happy and excited. Unfortunately it turns out the consultant's warning was about 1 day too late and I am exactly 4 weeks today.

For the first time I feel I have some hope and a reason to keep going and to look after myself again.

We went to church this morning and I hadn't realised but it was a baptism. A lovely baby boy about 8 months and I couldn't see him without tears rolling down my face. And as if that wasn't hard enough, the friend who was heavily pregnant has had her baby (2 weeks old now) and was there too. A little tiny girl. I knew she was a few rows behind and I could hear her cry and it hurt so much Sad

I am such a strange mix of grief and excitement, pain and hope. I miss my little girl so much. I am 4 weeks and 29 weeks all at the same time. I wish I could have them both.

AxisofEvil · 12/12/2010 17:59

Spilt many congratulations on the new pregnancy. I'm really pleased for you.

shabbapinkfrog · 12/12/2010 18:15

Oh Spilt how wonderful, scary, happy, topsy turvy you must feel. Many congratulations. Sending my love xxx

Heliantha · 12/12/2010 18:57

What wonderful news, Spilt. Take care, and don't worry about the tears x

frasersmummy · 12/12/2010 19:38

hey spilt... wonderful news.. you know here more than on any other thread we will be praying for a safe outcome for you

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 12/12/2010 19:59

Great news Spilt Smile It probably feels very bittersweet, but it is wonderful news nontheless.

It's my birthday and my 20 week scan tomorrow

CazandBelle · 12/12/2010 20:03

Congratulations split - :) wishing you a gentle 9 months. I can imagine how mixed up you are feeling, wishing you lots of happiness.

Even ttc is mixed up for us at the moment. Feeling guilty because if Belle was here we wouldn't have ttc again until she was about 3 or 4. Looks like my body has other ideas about us doing it at the moment anyway. I've heard a lot about this charting business; tbh I don't know how good I would be at it, I've never been particularly good at reading my own body, I really should take more notice. We have a clearblue fertility monitor I fully intend to use which will just tell me when I ovulate. Was very effective when we were trying to catch Belle. Only problem is I need to actually come on first to start it off.

I just don't know how much more I can take. It sounds completely ridiculous but I just want to work normally. I cannot deal with my body and fertility not working properly on top of everything else.

I know what you mean about church. Had an unexpected dedication service to deal with at church a couple of months back. I too spent the whole service on the verge of tears and couldn't get out of there fast enough when it was over. I didn't leave in the middle because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. There is a newborn girl there too now, I'm finding that hard, but ignoring her for the most part.

Sorry girls. Feeling particularly low at the moment. Everything just seems so doom and gloom - wish I could see some hope.

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 12/12/2010 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CazandBelle · 12/12/2010 20:08

LF and Ilike thinking of you both. x x x

OP posts:
Minione · 12/12/2010 20:21

Hi everyone

Congrats Spilt I'm really happy for you! Such wonderful, wonderful news xx

Good luck for tomorrow Ilike and Happy birthday.

Caz - hope you are feeling a bit better, I think ttc in our situation is so difficult it could easily have an effect on your cycle. Sending yo lots of love x

Going to get back to X factor - Go Matt! (I don't really mind who wins)

LunaticFringe · 12/12/2010 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peterpansmum · 12/12/2010 21:15

Congratulations Split, fingers crossed here for you x

And ILike and LF - good luck to you both too xx

hello to everyone else tooo xx

my wee lad has been making his presence felt big time this week - one evening all three of us were in the living rm and a wee cuddly toy which is sitting up beside what's left of G's ashes fell or was thrown to the floor - its been up there for months and never ever fell off the shelf before. The next morning my DH and DS1 were sat in the same room and they both heard violin strings being plucked - violins were both in their cases in the next room... Freaked DS1 out a bit until my dh explained it was just gregor letting us know he's around. I actually find it oddly comforting that he is letting us know he's around us just now.

lavandes · 12/12/2010 22:30

lovely to heafr from you again ppm it sounds like your beautiful Gregor is making his presence felt. I do so want to believe that these things happen. I gives us hope that we will be reunited with our children. xx

spilt congratulations wonderful news xx

caz good luck. I don't understand all the technical stuff with ttc (I think I am too old) try not to worry xx

I had a huge panic attack in the supermarket yesterday. I was in the queue, shopping on the belt, I had to leave it and just say 'sorry I don't feel well' and left walked home about 15 mins - which I couldn't have done if there was really something wrong with me - I felt so stupid it came from nowhere.It was so scary I really thought I was going to pass out,
BUT that was about 12.30, at 4.00 I walked back, got just a few things I needed for last night and was OK. My husband was working yesterday so I was on my own.I am pleased with myself for going back.

Has this happened to anyone else?

CazandBelle · 12/12/2010 22:40

Have been crying so much tonight. I feel so silly. this is not a normal reaction; bfn I can deal with, but no period at all... pull yourself together woman...

lavandes I had a few episodes like that a couple of weeks ago. Right near the end of my shop, by the time I was in the car I was feeling sick and faint and it took hours led on the sofa before I felt remotely recovered. So I guess its normal, but bloody scary. I couldn't put my finger on the trigger either.

OP posts:
lavandes · 12/12/2010 23:01

caz 5'm sorry you are feeling so down. I am 59 and in the dim and distant past when I had my babies there were no pregnancy tests or any ovulation kits (sorry if that is not the correct term), we all had to wait 6 weeks before the doctors would do a test. By the time I went to the doctor when I was expecting Richard I was 8 weeks. Listening to you and all the other mums ttc I don't think that was a bad thing. We didn't have the worry of trying to find out in the first days and weeks if we were pregnant or not, it was not possible. I think all this technology has made it all so much more stressful.

Try not to worry (probably stupid advice)just take care of yourself and let nature take its course.xx

peterpansmum · 12/12/2010 23:54

Hiya Lavandes - Lovely to see you again too x I did suffer terribly with panic attacks - they were so overwhelming and often happened at times when i would least expect them... With the support of my counsellor I learned to recognise what they were and (this may sound totally ridiculous but worked for me - disclaimer Grin ) gave them a name like a familiar friend or cartoon character so that when they returned each time they did not hold the same weight that they did the last time. Well done for going back and finishing what you started but you know there's nothing wrong with just walking away if a situation doesn't feel right for you... protect yourself first and foremost. I used to get panic attacks when i was going to work, going out for evenings especially when i didn't know who would be there - and when i started to tell friends about it they were totally shocked cos i used to be one of the most self-confident folk they knew - how grief changes a person heh!! xx

TTC officially messes with the head CAZ - I should know cos i had fertility treatment for both my boys. Add in a helping of grief and a season which will never live up to expectations - I'm not surprised you're feeling so upset as you are... Let the tears out, let yourself grieve and take each day as it comes xx

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