Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

[CazandBelle]

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

Hi Ladies, hope you are all ok.

How you feeling Caz? DH has been really ill too, he's never off work but was off Monday and Tuesday. I thought I was starting to get it too but it seems to have gone. I'm knackered though!

I'm not looking forward to Christmas, its just not going to be how I am imagined it to be. This was one of the first things I said after Malachy died 'What about Christmas?'. I'll cook as I love cooking and its just any other day to make a nice meal but I'm not putting the tree up or writing any cards, it doesn't seem right.

Love the video shabs

Morning ladies xx

Morning girls xx

Good morning xx
Love the video Shabs

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

Can you help out ladies please?

A MNetter has private messaged me asking for help. Her neighbours daughter has sadly died and she is trying to find some poems to copy out for her neighbour. The girl who has died is (I think) in her early teens - I am struggling trying to find poems for an older child IYKWIM.

Thanks xxxx

I will have a think Shabs x

I can tell by your look friend, that we need to talk
So come take my hand and lets go for a walk
See I'm not like some others, I won't shy away
Because I want to hear all that you've got to say

...Your child has died, and you need to be heard
But they don't want to hear a single word
They tell you your childs with God, so be strong
They say the "right" things that just somehow sound wrong

They're just hurting for you and trying to say
They'd give anything to take your pain away
But they struggle with feelings they can't understand
So forgive them for not offering a steadier hand

I'll walk in your shoes for more than a mile
I'll wait while you cry and be glad when you smile
I won't criticise you, or judge you or scorn
I'll just stay by your side till your night turns to morn

Yes the journey is hard, and unbearably long
And I know that you're thinking you're just not that strong
So just take my hand you 'cause I've good time to spare
And I know how it hurts friend, for I have been there

See, I owe a large debt you can help me repay
for not long ago I was helped the same way
And I stumbled and fell through a world so unreal
That believe me when I say I know how you feel

I don't look for praise, or financial gain
I'm not the kind of person who gets joy out of pain
I'm just a strong builder who'll be there till the end
Someone to be your Compassionate Friend.

Not realy this one but I thought we would all like it xx

Shabba, I like this one, suitable for all ages

I Thought About You With Love Today.

I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too,
I think of you in silence I often speak your name
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame
Your memory is my keepsake with which I?ll never part
God has you in His keeping I have you in my heart.

Here's one that resides on my fridge which was given to me by a friend.....

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief."
"I cannot promise he will stay; since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over in My search for teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love, not think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to take him back again?"
"I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay;
But should the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand!"

Christmas. It will never be the same again.

We put the christmas tree up this afternoon amidst loads of big blobby tears and hugs from DS1. Its done now and in the box I have found (amongst all the other memories) the mask i need to fix to my face for the duration which is going to make it do-able.

As I said it will never be the same again BUT the show must go on

ppm, It is lovely to see you again , that poem is really sad but good iykwim .

The face is on here as well but I promise you all it is taking a lot less of a face than it used to xxx

Hiya TW, undeniably this year is different from last year - I know so much more about grief than i did this time last year. This year i have no expectations - it is how it is and each day I will get through the best i can.

It's been a bit of a weird day today - I've been comforted by DS1 loads as he (and a huge glass of baileys!) helped me get through the whole christmas tree experience. xxxx

A huge glass od baileys sounds like a great plan x
Tbh I found getting through the second year weirder and harder than the first because everyone else thought I should be ok but pretty much every yr since has got gentler and a bit happier .

It is never going to be as good as it should be but it is now as good as it can be xx

Was new hazelnut baileys - yummmm! I think that sounds like a not too bad mantra for life in general at the moment .... it's never going to be as good as it should be but it is now as good as it can be - I like that! sounds spot on!!

Hello lovlies,

shabs, I am so glad you got some prezzies x

I have been having a lot of trouble with DS1 lately. Its all hit him and turned him into a nightmare. He has calmed down a bit now and I can see my boy again. he is back at home and being ok, normal teenage stuff.

Anyway. He has a lovely girlfriend who has had a very difficult life. Pushes a lot of my buttons due to DS2's own very difficult start (adopted by us from family due to neglect). Its complicated but she turned up last night and is now stayin (strictly seperate rooms I have to say). I like her lots. I am not keen on her mother. I wont go into details.

But the thing is. I now have a teenage girl in the house. How the bloody hell do I cope with this? I have spent the last five years pretty much avoiding them.

Hold my hand for a bit please.

Christmas is hard isnt it? I am particulary thinking of those who are facing it for the first time x

My husband said to me tonight amongst a lot of tears that "Its never going to stop hurting is it"

I'm not sure I want it to stop hurting though. Maybe a little break, but if it stopped hurting it would imply everything was ok. And its not.

We're having a very difficult week.

My blood results came back yesterday all negative. This is a good thing I know. It means there is nothing wrong with me, no reason why I cannot carry babies safely to term. But I sorta feel like Belle died for no reason at all. :( Her death is just being put down to a horrible one off (hopefully) unexplainable tragedy...

I feel physical pain again tonight. My heart is hurting. I miss her.

PPM its really good to see you back. Thanks for the poem.

You're welcome Caz - good to see you too. Won't feel like it just now I know but the news you have had this week is good news x

MrsD - I have two hands so will gladly give you one of mine - sounds tough going but you being you will get through it... Billie (and all of us here) will help you find the strength from somewhere xxx

Oh and I'm stressing about my AF too.

I'm now at the end of Day 35, no sign of AF. Testing bfn. Which is fine as this was only month 1 - I wouldn't have expected in a million years to catch so quickly... it took 3 months with Belle (still quick I know).

I'm just really upset that I might've messed myself up by going back on the pill so quickly after Belle was born and not giving myself a chance to get back to normal. I've almost convinced myself something is wrong now. I know how silly that sounds.

Back in June I needed to go back on the pill quickly for my sanity because an accident would've been awful. I was in no place for another pregnancy so soon.

Now we want one my body doesn't seem to be playing ball at being normal... Don't think I've ever wanted to see my AF so badly... it will be a relief in all honesty. (or a bfp of course if I test again in a few days, ive already tested twice mind, so I really don't think I am...)

When I came off the pill to try for Belle I was had normal cycles of 31 ish days straight away. Whats going on?

Not sure I'm even making sense.

ppm so sorry, I had not read all posts xx

caz let me hug you xx

Mrs D - glad to hear your DS is home....as to how you cope with teenage girls in your home....well, YOU know much more about that than me

Will write more tomorrow - has been a weird night....nothing awful has happened JUST crappy, bitchy stuff.

See you all in the morning xxxxxxxxx