Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

[CazandBelle]

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

Not defending anybody Caz BUT I think its fear. Fear of saying the wrong thing so they waffle on about the weather, fear of you crying, fear of their own feelings - so there is always 'the elephant in the room' My in-laws came the day after Mattys accident and talked about all their hospital appointments that were coming up - WTF??? But both of them had been raised by emotionless parents, at a time where it was very commonplace to lose a child. They didn't even hug their own son...my husband...now that I cannot figure out.

The first Christmas is so very, very hard and it does continue like that for the rest of the years, but softer around the edges IYKWIM?

I have no doubt I will post on our thread on Christmas Day - just like I have done every Christmas. It is such a comfort to me xx

cazandBelle,big hugs big hugs, i hope maybe mil finds it hard, my mil doesnt mention jayden, mine does and visits his grave , i long to talk about jayden to some, but get the looks, that say i thought you were getting there, but christ hes never out of my mind, hes the first thing i think of when i wake up,and last thing i think of when i go to sleep, his photos stare at me in the lounge and next to our bed, but here is the only place i can talk opened about my lovely red haired grandson, and i miss him so bloody much.
shabs your right , nothing is bloody fair in life

OMG just got a big box of gifts from the Mumsnet Secret Santa....just sat her blubbing with Lew looking at me like I have lost my mind!!

aw shabba that is so lovelyx

Shabs that is lovely , I can't think of anyone who is more deserving .

I can't believe you are really going to wait until christmas day to open them though , i would have to have a wee peek x

No, Im not going to open them.....or maybe just one or two....

I would be rubbish at keeping them , go on go on you know you want to

Go on Go on Go on

Hurrah for Shabs and her Secret Santa present

This time of year is so hard isn't it? Everytime I feel positive about Christmas I soon get a sinking feeling as someone is missing.

There is a Christmas tree on the village green where you are invited to hang a star with a hand written message on to a lost loved one. The tree is beautiful and lit up with glorious lights, but it just feels so wrong and unfair that I have to be hanging a star up there for my son. I was in floods after hanging it up this morning, but when I drove past it this evening I felt that the brightest light on there was for Cole. It's upsetting and comforting all at the same time.

Enjoy your pressies shabs you deserve them, you are always there for us all. xx

Thank you girls. xxx

I opened ONE present couldn't leave it alone. 3 beautiful, beautiful candles from the Elle Mcpherson (spelling??) range - thats the model who is called 'the body' yes????

They are so posh....thick white ceramic holders and lovely scented candles in them.

Im not used to being posh - but I can always pretend.

Morning girls xx

Morning all x

Shabs the candles sound lovely and a good choice for you I reckon .

Ugh I feel so full of cold and unwell this morning. Its been brewing for days. Hardly slept a wink because I couldn't breathe.
Not surprised I have it because two of my class were streaming and coughing their guts up last week. Feels like it might be the start of tonsilitis. Boohoo. :( Miserable today, and I've got to go to work. Can't phone in poorly because its only a cold (today!) and its the last day of christmas concert practice anyway, perfomances tomorrow and Friday and I'm the one on the piano so can hardly be sick now.

Candles sound lovely Shab

The candles sound lovely Shabs and very apt.

Caz hope your feeling better soon. I've had a cold for a while now can't seam to get rid of it. As long as it has gone for saturday i dont mind lol.

Good afternoon ladies xx

The candles sound lovely shabs

Hope you feel a bit better today caz and the concerts go well. Have a lazy weeekend. xx

Morning girls xx

Morning all , Caz how you feeling this morning ?

Morning. Feeling even worse again today. Full blown cold now, throat starting to feel closed up. Think I'll be coming home after the concert if I don't pick up in the meantime. I wouldn't be going in if I wasn't the one of the piano. Sudafed hasn't touched me, so will go buy some day nurse on the way to work.... ring GP.

I have been hiding from the world for a fwe weeks.. I think my happy face has slipped

Caz I just read your post re christmas day and the tears just overwhelmed me. I remember feeling like that on our first xmas too..

We always visit Fraser's garden on xmas day but its sooo bloody hard

I know that at this time of the year I really mourn the loss of my sons....I physically and mentally ache in the longing to see them again. I can honestly promise each and every one of you that the pain I feel now is a tiny, tiny fraction of the way I felt my 'first' Christmas without them.

I dont remember many Christmases after the boys died...I didn't write a card, I dont remember making Christmas dinner and I have no idea whatsoever what I bought Danny.

I promise you with all my heart that this pain changes, it softens and mellows. Now I can smile when I think of them, I can tell my friends what they were like without sobbing, I can put my face on, pin my shoulders back and hold my head up.

It is still hard....it is still painful...but I am healing. I honestly assure you all - especially those very new to this pain - that the sun WILL shine again for all of you. We have to stand solidly together and talk about our precious children....United we stand, divided we fall.

Thinking about you all today xxxx

Really hope this works!!

Thanks for being so kind and supportive shabs.

You have been a lifeline to me over the last 8 months, as have all the other mums. Here is really the only place I can express my true feelings without being judged, or thought crazy!!

I am still scared about Christmas even though we will be with our eldest, who I can't wait to see. I need a cuddle from him so much. But I am going to put on my 'brave' face and get on with it, after all it is only a couple of days and then we can hopefully enjoy the rest of the time without any pressures. xxx

By the way I have got my sensible head on at the moment!!