Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

[CazandBelle]

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

That's beautiful shabs

Beautiful Shab xx

All ideas welcomed! :) I'm having such a wow day! Page has been opened less than 24 hours and we've already raised 10% of our target!!!! Amazed and overwhelmed by such generous people...

I recently did a party night with an auction and raffle. We charged admission and £1 for a book of raffle tickets. We had the newspaper and radio onside who advertised it for us./ We went round shops with a letter from the charity and our story and receieved loads of prizes. We found hairdressers and independant stores vert genorous and even factories. One near us donated several sex toys that came to around £100

Morning folks.

This afternoon i'm going to our local hospitals baby memorial service. I shall light a candle for all of our precious children.

Love to you all x

Morning girls xx

Thank you Dee - that would be lovely xx

Morning all, sorry i havent been around for a while........Am finding things difficult at the moment as it is coming up to Jacks birthday........ I hate the run up to it so much. Thursday afternoon was very difficult as when i came home from the shop all the boys of Jacks age were out snowballing and i kept thinking its not fair he should be with them........I have arranged for my friend Liz to drive Wilf and i to the grave and my friend is making a wreath which the rabbits can't eat. This is the first christmas without my Grandma too. Her house was next to the church and we always went to hers to give her her presents after.

Morning girls xx

Morning everyone x

*Lottie , I hope you are feeling a bit better today xx

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/1097467-37-weeks-pregnant-and-found-out- I have just posted on this ladies thread. Such sad news x

I posted on that near the beginning of the thread. It brings it all back everytime I hear of another angel baby.

Feeling quite low again today. I wish my beautiful girl was here.

afternoon girlsx

caz I've just looked up p.o. box on Royal Mail site and it costs £60 for 6 months, maybe too expensive. xx

Hello everyone - just wanted to pop in to say hello. Saw the link above and just felt the need to come back and post.... so different to my experience but so much the same iykwim. We are all bonded by the loss of our children no matter at what age or stage. Hope you are all as ok as you can be - have thought about you all often. love and hugs to you all xxxx

love to you ppm xxx

Lovely to see you ppm think of you often too xx

Yes lavandes thats quite expensive.

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies xx

Morning all xx

lottie sorry to hear you've been struggling. How is today going?

I had a hard day yesterday - no logic to it but I just felt weighed down with all the sadness and cried and cried at work. I left early and went home via the cemetery to go and talk to Bobbie. It's just utterly beautiful at the moment. We've got a really heavy frost and everything is shades of silver and white, except for the red berries on the holly tree that she is buried under. I sat with her for a long time and told her all the things I'd been looking forward to: feeling her wriggling and kicking, building the birth pool, her being born in it infront of the fire, hearing her first cry, meeting her eyes for the first time...
Completely lost in the memories of my hopes. I miss her.

Im 28 years down the crappy road from losing Gareth and 18 years down the crappy road from losing Matty and, at this time of year, my heart is heavy. Put the tree up last night - its a beautiful tree but I could turn around from this chair and put my fist through it. I haven't written a card yet. I know I sound like a broken record but its Christmas dinner that makes me want to give up. I look around the table and its always me, DH, Tom and my Mum and Dad. I want all four sons there, with their partners and their children. Just for Christmas Dinner.

Just so we could look at them. Dont care if they dont talk to me as long as they can hear me say 'I love you both so much, Im sorry I couldn't do anything to keep you here.' Just for a few minutes....just to see them....see if they are tall or short (like me). I dont often say this but, here goes, IT'S NOT FAIR.

Rant over....will try not to go 'off on one again' but Im not promising anything xx

shabs rant and storm as much as you like. What has happened to you is horrific and it's not bloody fair at all.

I went looking in the shops yesterday for a small Christmas wreath (didn't find anything). But I was there amongst all the haapy people and the Christmas music and I felt like a fraud. Because I don't want a wreath to decorate my house, I want to put it on my daughter's grave for her first Christmas. Nothing is right anymore.

shabs you are so right IT IS NOT FAIR. The Christmas cards are arriving. Yesterday we had 4 all from family, not one of them had a letter in them no one has mentioned Richard. I feel like throwing the whole f*ing lot in the bin. I feel like he has ceased to exist for everyone except us.

Rant over xx

On a happier note have just spoken to eldest son and they are getting ready to come.All he wants for dinner is pigs in blankets and hot English mustard. Maybe I will cancel the turkey!! xx

I can't remember where I found this, but can I share this poem? It's helps me when I feel ranty at the world:

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don?t tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don?t tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear every day,
Friend please realise that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

tears rolling down my cheeks as I read that spilt it echoes my feelings exactly at the moment. But I must pull myself together. Life seems so cruel but I must 'get on with it' xx

Yes we had our first christmas card on Sunday. Wishing a wonderful Christmas. No mention of Belle or the year that has passed.

A wonderful christmas. Makes me want to scream f'off.

Please pray tell which part of this christmas is going to be wonderful. The bit where I take the christmas present we'd bought for our daughter already while she was still alive out of the cupboard and take it to her garden to let bubbles off over the cememtery? The bit where me and Jon sit at the table with her missing? The bit where instead of having a baby to tend to and enjoy christmas with we sit at home together quietly and miserable all day? The bit where we open gifts from eachother but none to help Belle open? The bit where we're excitedly told by my MIL all the things she's bought for our nieces for Christmas but she forgets we're hurting and don't want to hear about what other little girls are getting and seems to have forgotten she should be buying for Belle too, forgotten she has another granddaughter? The bit where the only thing I can do for Belle this christmas is decorate her garden and remember? The bit where my friends keep uploading their babies dressed in christmas costumes but I can never do that for Belle? The bit where my husband crys as he watches our friends bring their baby girl home from her first christmas party knowing he can never take Belle to a christmas party?

Which bit is wonderful then.

We're not doing cards this year. I've not got it in me to sit there writing hundreds of cards without Anabelle's name on.

MILS pissed me off too. As I said above, constantly going on about our niece, what she's doing, where she's going, what she's getting but on the other hand I don't think she's visited her other grandaughter once in the nearly 6 months she's been buried. Not once. Friday we're going to a lights of love service in Cardiff organised by Sands. A rememberance christmas service for babies. We're going, and my parents are going./ I wanted to go as a family to remember our daughter/granddaughter but the look on MILs face when I asked said it all. SO I will be surprised if they join us. It hurts that already she seems to be have been forgotten by so many. We have family friends wishing us a wonderful christmas instead of taking 2 mins to write something appropriate, and half her grandparents don't seem to care. Thank God for my parents.

Have been sleeping on and off most of the morning. I can feel a huge low coming. I better get dressed, I have councelling in a hour.

On the other hand our next door neighbours bought us a little bauble for Belle's little tree and a memory card instead of a christmas card. A friend in work gave me an angel, another friend in work saw an angel keyring and thought of me last week and bought it for me.

How can our close family be so crap compared to that?