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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Flying high enjoying their wings, Remembering our precious much loved children...

973 replies

CazandBelle · 21/11/2010 20:35

For my beautiful Anabelle Violet. Born an angel.

Mummy and Daddy miss and love you so much. Always. xxx

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 15/12/2010 22:30

Oh Lottie - both your boys will be with you. Its just that, sadly, we cant physically see all our children. Life is a giant pile of shite. Just keep posting my friend...we will all try to help xxxx

Minione · 15/12/2010 22:31

Oh Lottie, its shit isn't it? Of course you want both your boys. Be kind to yourself and come and rant and cry on here, we're all here for you x

lottiejenkins · 15/12/2010 22:40

I wish my family understood more....... They probably wont even mention it on the day!

shabbapinkfrog · 15/12/2010 22:46

......we are your family as well Lottie....we will listen xxxx

shabbapinkfrog · 16/12/2010 06:38

Morning girls xx

hazygirl · 16/12/2010 07:31

lottie, big hugs my love ,to you and everyone here that is missing someone special, roll on january , thinking of you all .

lavandes · 16/12/2010 07:36

Morning ladies xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 16/12/2010 13:20

Lottie {{hugs}} Whenever I hear that song I always think of your Jack.

It's such a hard time of year for us all isn't it? Such a grind. But I promise it does get easier.

This will be our 4th xmas without C.

the first was just bloody awful,
the second was odd because we had M by then and we felt like we had a reason to be thankful, however we were still in the early stages of grief.
the third felt more hopeful.
this year I now feel I have to make xmas special for us again, as we have a lot of xmas's to come and we owe it to M and the baby-to-be to make this a special time of year for them.

I say all this, however it doesn't take away the fact that there is a C shaped hole missing in our life, and there should be another chair filled at the xmas dinner table

But, looking back, xmas isn't so painful this year.

I am rambling, but I sincerely what I say gives others hope. For me, hope was and is so important to get me through the tough times.

lottiejenkins · 16/12/2010 14:33

Thanks ilike........I had my friends daughter after school last night, she helped me wrap all of Wilfs presents.. i wrapped his stocking presents in a different paper and of course didnt label them. She asked me why i had done that........ Im afraid i told a fib Xmas Blush I told her they were for Wilfs Graggy to give him and that she would put the labels on! Xmas SmileXmas Wink

lottiejenkins · 16/12/2010 15:48

Just been to do school pick up...... A very old friend was there getting her children. She asked how i had got on at the doctors on Tuesday(I was going to see doc about feeling low) I had to cancel as it clashed with something at church. She said "Oh good... Now come along Charlotte you will cope you know!!" In a very offhand way. I had the greatest difficulty not saying to her that when she had been through what i had then maybe she could comment on how well i could cope!!

lavandes · 16/12/2010 16:25

lottie If only people could realise that just because we do everything we need to, appear to be coping (not weeping and wailing like we feel inside) and look ok, does not mean that we are ok. I sometimes feel like wearing a badge 'NO NO NO I am not OK' IYSWIM xx

peterpansmum · 16/12/2010 16:31

You are welcome split xx

we all need to find hope from somewhere.

Lottie ...want to give u a HUGE hug ... Think I may have been tempted to say what you thought to your friend xxxx

I've had an emotional day. Had to hand a wrapped pressie into school for the Christmas party next week... There should have been two presents. Grief catches you when you're not looking. I've been
borderline tears most of the day.

It's just not fair is it?

ILike thanks for your perspective... It is a comfort to have a view of what's ahead... There has to be hope xxx

lavandes · 16/12/2010 16:40

oh ppm that must have been so upsetting for you. I don't know why life has to be so cruel. xxx

peterpansmum · 16/12/2010 18:25

The joys and innocence of childhood. Today's quote from DS1.... "this is gonna be the best Christmas ever" ..... I wish... Such bittersweet hmmm...

shabbapinkfrog · 16/12/2010 18:46

PPM - that must mean you are doing an amazing job raising your little man. He has been made to feel secure and confident because you have been honest with him about his brother and you have shown him that it is fine to show emotions. A child has an amazing slant on life. We, as adults, are so full of 'if only I had done this' 'I wish I could see my children, where are they?' etc etc. Children get 'it' - they get 'whatever the hell 'it' is.'

peterpansmum · 16/12/2010 19:08

Thanks shabs... Have spent the afternoon since school watching the lion king n eating chocolates with dh and ds1... No wine yet but it won't b long. Ds1 in the bath then a few pages of a harry potter book then bed for him and wine for me.... How are you doing today? Xxxx

split ... Meant to say I've just been made redundant and I def go with the 'things happen for a reason' train of thought... Hope it works out as well as it can for you xx

shabbapinkfrog · 16/12/2010 19:13

I'm OK thanks xxx

lavandes · 16/12/2010 22:26

ppm your little boy sounds gorgeous, Oh to see all this through the eyes of a child! xxx

lottiejenkins · 16/12/2010 22:50

Just got in from an evening out with friends . They let me ring Wilf up from the pub....... He has got his Blue Belt in Karate so everyone was cheering!!

peterpansmum · 16/12/2010 22:54

Thanks lavandes... He is incredible and has walked, cried, laughed with me and got me up everymorning for the first six months or so until he started school and I then started to confront my own grief...
He has also taught a few adults a thing or two about grief!!

How's your day been? Xx

peterpansmum · 16/12/2010 22:56

Yay for wilf xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 16/12/2010 23:02

Well done Wilf Smile

PPM - you and your darling lad will have the same amazing relationship that I have with my DS1. We also walked the same walk, and grieved the same grief. Please believe me when I say the agony you have lived through/are living through will make him the most amazing man. I look at my DS1 and wonder how the hell we made it through - he is truly my reason for living.

I dont mean that with any dis-respect for my other sons. I really dont. Its just that it was me and my DS1 against the world. AND, GUESS WHAT, WE BLOODY WON!!! Grin xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 16/12/2010 23:10

DS1 and yours truly have sung this song on karaoke all over our town bet we are boring the pants off folk xx

peterpansmum · 16/12/2010 23:14

Oh shabs I really hope so as I know only too well the implications of not letting children grieve cos my dh never got to talk about his wee brother who died aged six months when dh was under two ... It's just so feckin difficult... I worry so much about the impact of g's death on ds1. Have stayed away from the wine tonight... It's reallynot going to help. Off to see if I can get some sleep... Night xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 16/12/2010 23:28

Good night love. You are totally doing the right thing. I watch Jeremy Kyle every day Confused the vast majority of young adults on that programme have a time in their childhood where nothing was explained to them, nobody talked to them and MOST IMPORTANT nobody allowed them to grieve for a lost sibling, or a marriage/partnership that didn't work out. They come to that programme damaged and with a head full of 'pink frogs.'

You are doing a fab job. Never lose sight of those words. You have to cuddle, kiss, hug, talk, tell the truth, laugh and cry. You are doing all of those things - well done you. xxxx