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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

In memory of my beloved Fraser and all our children.Little buds sown on earth to bloom in heaven

980 replies

frasersmummy · 28/07/2010 18:52

A new haven for us all to say exactly what is in our heart or on our minds knowing that everyone understands and wont judge

OP posts:
lavandes · 03/08/2010 16:06

sassy 'he wouldn't want you to be like this' of course he wouldn't he didn't want to die. Wouldn't he be just as upset if I had died or wouldn't he be allowed, just have to get over it!! etc etc

CazEM · 03/08/2010 16:32

One of the lovely ladies on the August 2010 thread has just sent me an email via facebook to say that she and many others on the thread are thinking of us as our due date approaches. I thought that was really thoughtful - that Belle hasn't been forgotten, that someone has already acknowledged that Saturday will be a difficult day for us.(other than of course you lovely ladies here), I wonder if anyone in RL will remember....

CazEM · 03/08/2010 18:32

DH just turned over the calender and there is was - BABY MORGAN DUE in big capital letters and bubbled around in bright red pen. Oh the excitement when I wrote that on the calender on 18th January this year after our first scan and having my due date confirmed.

Its all SHIT.

deemented · 03/08/2010 18:37

Oh Caz, my lovely, i'm sorry. I wish i could take your pain away.

Went to Ikea. Survived. Just. Never again. Ever.

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 19:06

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deemented · 03/08/2010 19:15

I guess you have to do what feels right for you, Sassy - a house move is a huge thing though. My therapist (wonderful woman btw) advised that we shouldn't make any major decisions for a least a year after a bereavement - do you feel that you could move, really Sassy? Speaking my mind here, i guess i'm worried that it would be too soon for you to have to go through all of Catherines things to move them... but then, oh i don't know, i can understand you wanting to get some distance. Sorry, it's not coming out very well, is it?

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 19:28

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deemented · 03/08/2010 19:37

Ah love, i'm sorry.

It's so hard when you greive at different paces.

zeno · 03/08/2010 19:39

Sassy, we took photos of every room, every drawer, every pile of tumbled clothes, the lego bits in random combinations, the play horse decked out with necklaces and bits of cardboard and so on and so on. Not just dd's things but everything (alright, not the toilet bowl or under the sink...) We couldn't bear to move anything for quite some time, and having the photos really helped us to be able to move things when we felt able.

We desparately need more space to put dd2's things, but they continue to live in baskets on the floor whilst dd1's knicker drawer remains the same. I think I'd feel quite violent to anyone who suggested that might not be how they would manage things. Thankfully no-one has tested me on that point!

Off to find the funeral thread now

I'm aghast that people feel it's OK to comment on how your house is at the moment.

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 21:04

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peterpansmum · 03/08/2010 21:13

Sassy In the weeks following Gregor's death DH was serious about moving house but at the time the house, DH and DS1 were my only constants in my life and moving house for me was impossible to even think about. For DH it was a reaction (I think) to the traumatic events that had happened here but for me the house was as comforting as a bar of chocolate iykwim. I have also read about not making any major life changes in the first year or two but heh you've just gotta do what's right for you both.

There were things we had to do after gregor died (taking cot down as DS1 shared a room) there were things i felt i needed to do (e.g. close bank account, sort clothes) but there were loads of things that were just soooo painful - sorting through toys being just one. Only this evening DH asked me what we should do with gregor's car seat - and i'm soooo not ready to part with that at the moment.

peterpansmum · 03/08/2010 21:17

crossed posts again sorry x i meant to say that if I hadn't had to move the cot in order to get ds1 back in their/his room i probably may have never done it

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 21:23

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SassySusan · 03/08/2010 21:24

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peterpansmum · 03/08/2010 21:27

Gregor's buggy is still in the cupboard under my stairs - yet another thing that isn't leaving this house anytime soon!

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 22:21

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peterpansmum · 03/08/2010 22:28

Thanks Sassy but it's early Thurs am we're away. am looking fwd to it now xx

SassySusan · 04/08/2010 00:33

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shabbapinkfrog · 04/08/2010 01:40

im still here!! you know something my friends.....I would never live through that early stuff again......I went to the hospital and gave all Gareths little clothes away....every last one of them.....all those little knitted garments. OMG I feel in the depths of despair tonight...just want my little boys home xxxx

deemented · 04/08/2010 07:40

Thinking of you Shabbs, i hope the morning has brought you peace my lovely.

I guess it's easy for me to compartmentalise - i have all of Ciarans things in a box upstairs, there's nothing here to look at that reminds me of him... yet everything does. So it's been easy for me to pick up a box and move to another house, but what he is isn't in a box, he's in me... all around me... the very essence of what makes him is in every pore, in every breath. I don't believe in God, in heaven or in hell, but i do believe that when a person dies that the love that you shared encompasses you, and holds you tightly and never goes away, it becomes a part of you, you absorb it in and carry it always.

And now i'm probably talking bollocks so i'll shuddup...

shabbapinkfrog · 04/08/2010 09:13

Morning xx

shelleylou · 04/08/2010 09:16

Morning. Hope everone has a little more peace this morning.

Dee that make sense to me. I feel my db all around me I could swear he gives me a cuddle when im very down

CazEM · 04/08/2010 11:09

Morning ladies...

Didn't get dressed yesterday so thought I better had today. Putting ironing away at the moment, then shower and dress!

SassySusan · 04/08/2010 11:52

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ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 04/08/2010 13:22

You ok Shabs?

I think quite quickly we questioned whether we would stay in our house and we both agreed that we would. We didn't want to leave our memories, but who's to say that is the right or wrong thing to do?

Another couple we know who lost their ds over a year ago are now moving and expecting another baby. They can't get their heads around bringing their new baby into the house that their ds should be. Their ds's shoes have never been moved from the hallway, that's so poignant.

We left C's car seat and pram in the car. We still felt like parents after losing C and we just couldn't bring ourselves to take them out.

M has worn some of C's clothes and played with his toys. The special things were packed away. But we decided that if C was still with us we would have used his clothes and toys for a new baby, so for us, that wouldn't change.