In memory of my beloved Fraser and all our children.Little buds sown on earth to bloom in heaven

[frasersmummy]

A new haven for us all to say exactly what is in our heart or on our minds knowing that everyone understands and wont judge

Dee I think rationally there are 2 answers to this.

Answer 1 - manshapes ain't telephatic either. He does care and so does everybody else - it's just they don't know what to say. Ciaran's birthday/anniversary is especially hard to get it right with too... cos it can get swept out of the way in the run up to Brennan's b'day. So manshapes is busy icing the cake thinking I am helping... we all need to keep on track so B has a great day.

Answer 2 - Everyone is crap - they should bloody well know - especially after how upset you were about DH's b'day/anniversary a few weeks ago... I mean how hard can it be?

In my own life, I waiver between the 2 answers.

I wouldn't say it's ok though - either way it's not. Is it a good opportunity to think through what would help. I had twin friends at school who had their b'days on consecutive days. I used to think it was becasue one was born at a minute to midnight and the other after it - but it turns out to be a more peaceful way of doing it for their Mum! Sending you big hugs..

littlejo Candle lit here in Scotland for Amy.

Please do join us if you feel able to - my daugther, who was nearly 4, died in April. It is always good to chat to mothers who are a little further down the road. xx

dee My husband doesn't ever talk about Richard unless I start the conversation. He thinks that I talk too much about him and will never feel any better if I carry on like that. I need to talk about him so I do and tell my husband he doesn't have to listen if he doesn't want to. We are dealing with this grief completely differently but we are muddling through.

You have every right to shout and scream, when I get really mad I tell him to pack his bags and fuck off, he never does and it never carries on to the next day.

Lavandes - i do believe that's the first time i've 'heard' you swear!

Thanks for 'getting me'.

I probably am being unreasonable in asking them to understand. I think it is definately a mix if both of them, as you say Sassy.

That fucking thread. Wish they'd all just fuck the fuck off.

I second that my love xx

What fucking thread?

Oh that one... twunts

Ignore them - they don't have a clue...

I am going to make a flying visit

Can someone link me to it pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee??

It's the manshape thread in chat, Lottie.

I've just started a blog.

It's here:

susansobspot.blogspot.com/

Looking good, Sassy - have clicked to folow it.

Thank you Dee

Have really wanted to write a blog, but am now confused about who to tell it's there. Wrote a really honest piece about how my Church has been since C died... but if I link on FB, various people from Church who are FB friends will perhaps read it.

It's not very complimentary - so should I show the people mentioned in it first - but I can't take the confrontation... so perhaps I shouuld say nothing - but then I am fed up with being silenced! Wasn't the point of writing it to say these things to poeple otehr than you lot

Argghh......

Maybe I shoudl do a AIBU to ... and it will get everyone off the manshapes debate...

hello people on here.

i've just spent a couple of hours reading this crying my eyes out. For some reason wanted to tell you that while I can't understand your particular losses, I do understand loss. Had a boyfriend who died of AIDS when I was 20. He was absolutely marvellous.

Reading this thread has brought a lot back.

hugs all round.

Fio , in my experience just being one of the very few people who are prepared to say something will mean so much to your friend . Just a simple hug and that you are thinking of her and her daughter will be much appreciated .

Massive , I am so sorry to hear about your bf , that must have been awful for you (understatement I know) . I know this thread is for bereaved parents but we do have others who have been bereaved too , please both of you feel free to come back xx

Hi Everyone

LittleJo - so sorry to hear about your loss, I candle lit here in Leicestershire.

Dee - I've lost count of the amount of arguments Dh and I have had since Malachy died. We've both got shocking tempers so arguing isn't unusual for us but we grieve differnetly and as either Shab or Sassy said, they're not pyschic! I do sometimes wish he would say more though as I often feel so alone.

Oh and some of those people on that thread are such twunts - is that all they've got to get upset about. God, how I wish that was the biggest gripe in my life....

Sassy - just read your blog, I've also thought doing something sinilar might be a way of expressing my feelings without screaming and crying at DH.

Fio - as Travelling said simply saying SOMETHING and being there is all your friend will want.

Massive - I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It must have been awful for you and for his family too.

thanks.
I think I posted here because Lavande sounds like his mum. For all sorts of reasons - to a great degree because they didn't want me to - I didn't stay in touch with his family. I wish I had.

There are times that I miss him so much it really blots everything else out.

Have now a DP who is lovely in his own way. Haven't ever talked to him really about Robert - i don't talk to anyone about Robert. Sometimes I wish I could just go to Chartres (where his ashes are scattered) and never leave.

I think I might be ready to join you guys now. Not ready right now to write down all the details of DTD1's death, but ready to read everyone else's posts. Can I join you please?

massivenamechange sorry but I am not your boyfriend's mum. My son was Richard and he died in April this year. Sorry for your loss hope you find who you are looking for xx

Morning girls.

Welcome Loopy and Massive - glad you found us. This is a very special thread - United we stand, divided we fall xxx

Morning all, Im off out with my Mum shopping today to Lowestoft on the train!(Wilfs weekend to stay at school)!Ive had my hair dyed Florence and The Machine red Last time i did this Mum got out of the car looked at my hair said "OH GOD!" and got back in the car again!!!!!

Sassy I have just read your blog - over and over again. Im sat here now trying to find the right words. Your words say everything I have ever thought about my own personal bereavements. You have an amazing talent for writing - forgive the word I am going to use, but I cant think of another one.....I really 'enjoyed' reading your thoughts.....'enjoyed' sounds so weird, and I hope that word doesn't offend you. xx

No, I'm not offended at all Shabs I'm chuffed - though I know that sounds wierd too.

I just feel like this awful, awful thing has happened to us, and though no one can make it better, it is worse because no one seems to understand what we're going through.

I feel like our voices have been erased because we make everyone else too bloody uncomfortable.

So I wanted to write and explain it to everyone... except I've been a bit of a sissy, and only told nice people it exists... but baby steps anyway...

Welcome Loopy Come in and sit down... you don't have to tell us about your daughter's death at all. You can just tell us how you're feeling, or what's been good or whose pissing you off. This is a comforting place xx