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Original poster

Controlled crying - please don't shout at me

126 replies

treadwithcare · 17/12/2008 10:43

Please don't shout at me - positive responses only please - I am going to attempt controlled crying this evening. Who out there has done it successfully? And how did you do it? I am on my own for the next five days so it seems a sensible time to start. I need to teach dd to settle self to sleep without me pushing her in the pram in the freezing cold or taking her for a drive. How did you do it and how long did it take?

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 17/12/2008 10:45

I didn't have to do it with mine - they were good sleepers, but well done for having a go. My big tip is
DON'T GIVE UP! even though it will be exhausting, having DC who go to sleep and stay asleep well is a life-saver

How old is your DD?

crokky · 17/12/2008 10:47

How old is your DD?

Original poster
treadwithcare · 17/12/2008 10:49

She is 5 1/2 months. And sleeps through the night, but it's the getting her to sleep that is doing my head in. I live on my own so it would be life changing if I could just 'put her to bed' rather than spend forever helping her to sleep.

OP posts:
CatchaChristmasStar · 17/12/2008 10:53

5 1/2 months? Ummm, I may be wrong but I thought cc was generally for babies a year and older? 5 1/2 months sounds very young to be using this method.

Umlellala · 17/12/2008 10:55

OMG she sleeps through the night at 5months

Personally, I wouldn't rock the boat. I've always quite liked the staying quietly next-to-them holding hands part of the evening. I use it to meditate and reflect and quieten. My dh listens to the radio.

But as far as I am aware, with CC, you just let them cry, then go in after a bit and say 'it's ok, I'm just downstairs, then leave, then repeat until they are asleep. Never done it though, as mine just get more and more worked up.

CatchaChristmasStar · 17/12/2008 10:55

Have you tried a routine?

For example, nice warm bath, dark room and soothing music, quick cuddle and night feed and into cot? Worked on my dd.

rubyslippersisappearinginpanto · 17/12/2008 10:57

she is too young for CC

i would try a nap routine - most babies need a lot less stimulation and awake time than you think

it doesn't take a lot to get them over tired so even putting her down a bit earlier would help and lots of cuddles and reassurance

you cannot expect a baby to consistently self soothe at this age - they aren't built like that

PuppyMonkeyNuts · 17/12/2008 10:58

I did it around six months, sorry if that upsets anyone. It took three nights and then she was sorted.

You need to be mentally prepared for it though - it's very hard and you will be exhausted and upset this week.

I was at the end of my tether with lack of sleep, so I gave it a go. We are all now so much happier as we are sleeping properly.

Umlellala · 17/12/2008 11:03

Oh def try a routine first, and then see how you go... Your daughter is sleeping brilliantly for her age. Keep your happy bedtimes, and you'll reap the rewards when she is older (eg when she goes into a bed, settles happily for naps).

CatchaChristmasStar · 17/12/2008 11:04

I used cc on my dd, but she was older so wouldn't know what advice to give on a younger child. It didn't really work on my dd though, she fell out of her routine so I gave it a shot. My dd is, uhhhhh, determined you see.

It can work wonders when it works though, as puppy has said.

Umlellala · 17/12/2008 11:05

Hang on, just seen you drive or push her to sleep. You could try lying with her, or rocking her or singing after a bath, story, milk, bed routine. Holding hands, or a hand on their tummy works for my two.

bigTillyMint · 17/12/2008 11:06

If you want to do it, do it - everyone has their own opinions on how old a baby should be, etc.

PMN is right. My DC always (and still do) had a consistent routine - bath, milk and stories and then went to sleep with (at that age) nursery songs/lullabys playing quietly. And a dim light.

DD had her thumb and soft toy, (still does), DS has his blanky and any number of soft toys! (still does). A comforter seemed to help him

singyswife · 17/12/2008 11:07

I wouldnt use cc on a child this young. How about putting her in her cot with a restful cd n and lying beside her 'patting' her. I used to have to do this for my dd once she got too heavey to carry upstairs as she liked to be cuddled to sleep. Then you just move from her side to the other side of the room, then out the door and then you have done it. My other dd only ever wanted put in her cot to sleep.

btw at sleeping through the night my kids were 2.5yrs and 18 months before they did this.

Anna8888 · 17/12/2008 11:09

She's too young. Try to think yourself into a mindset where getting your DD to sleep is not a bother, but a maternal kindness.

Have you tried sitting in the dark in front of the TV with no sound, with DD on your shoulder, shusshing her?

minxpinx · 17/12/2008 11:10

We did it - and thank goodness we did. I went out and left dd and dh to it. I couldn't bear to be there. within 2 days she went to sleep in 5 mins without a peep and has been doing that ever since (now 14 months).We also set up a really good bed time routine (bath etc), so now by the time she is zipped into her sleeping bag she is almost asleep anyway! Good luck.

angelene · 17/12/2008 11:38

I did it at 6 months. Going to bed took 40 mins the first night, 10 mins the subsequent two and then it was done. DD fed to sleep and several times in the night before that. The middle of the night wakings took a bit longer because she was sick on the second night (not from crying, from some fish that she hadn't eaten before - top tip that, don't introduce new food during the CC!)

Best thing I ever did. The pre-bed routine was the key I think. But start at 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15 mins the first night, second night start at 10 mins, etc.

Also - turn the baby monitor off!

cluckyagain · 17/12/2008 11:41

Good advice here if you're going to do it - I never left mine for more than 10 min intervals though as I felt any longer was just too long - I started at 10 and just kept it the same. It does work (at 5 1/2 months!) with no after effects past a child who is delighted to go to bed and to sleep on their own. xx

morningpaper · 17/12/2008 11:41

agree with the others - you don't need controlled crying, you need routine. This is much more pleasant for both of you and will set her up with goodhabits for life. I think if you try to do controlled crying to SETTLE her at this stage then you might risk buggering up her good sleeping-through-the-night habits.

At this age, both of mine tended to hae a bedtime routine and then be put in a sling for the evening while I got on with what I was doing (including lots of television-with-subtitles). Later on they started to fall asleep earlier until this integrated with their bedtime routine.

I now have a lovely bedtime in the evenings with them both (now 6 and 3) and have never had the sort of toddler-evening-nightmares that lots of people report. It is just calm and chilled with books and stories and cuddles and niceness.

FLORIAinexcelsisdeo · 17/12/2008 13:52

I have to agree with everyone who says it is too young..I think she is doing brilliantly as she is. I speak as someone with a 14mth old who has never slept more than 6 hrs at a stretch (and has only gone that long 3 times)..I was going to do cc, but another mumsnetter told me that all it teaches your lo is that you are not reliable, you will not come when she is distressed and only when the bond of trust between you is broken (it typically takes 3 days) she will start go to sleep alone....I now look on my broken nights as just a "stage", they will grow out of it all too soon.

rempy · 17/12/2008 13:57

agree morningpaper, I know someone who had a sleeping 5 month old that she has turned into a non sleeping 6 month old after 3 weeks of controlled crying.

If all the time you have to invest is settling her at this stage, why trade that for being up several times in the night?

rempy · 17/12/2008 13:57

agree morningpaper, I know someone who had a sleeping 5 month old that she has turned into a non sleeping 6 month old after 3 weeks of controlled crying.

If all the time you have to invest is settling her at this stage, why trade that for being up several times in the night?

rempy · 17/12/2008 13:57

i only know one person, sorry for dual post

littletownofmeglethem · 17/12/2008 14:06

We did it at around that age and so did most people I know. But get a nice bedtime routine going first. Be gentle with her and she'll be able to settle herself soon.

WelshChristmas · 17/12/2008 14:07

I did cc with my DD who was in a routine but we had the same problem. She wouldn't settle unless pushed in pram or driven. We were at the end of our tether and tried cc. Amazing !! Took 3 nights. First night is the toughest. She cried for about 30 mins but we kept going in every 5 / 10 mins and just putting her back down so she knew she hadn't been left.
Second night she cried for about 20 mins and by third night only cried for 5 mins. After that, she was fine from there on in.
She's now 6 years old and perfectly fine and happy.
Good Luck and the main piece of advice is don't give up once you've decided to start otherwise it'll make it 10 times harder the second time you try.

nowwearefour · 17/12/2008 14:08

i did it much younger than that - it will work for you though you might find phases where it stops working again iyswim. all the best. hard to say how long it will take depends on the child. hang in there though. once you have started dont stop too confusing for child......