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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do you swear at/kick your kids?!>!>!

86 replies

CountessDracula · 23/02/2005 22:54

I just watched a bit of "driving mum and dad mad" (car crash tv prog on tonight)

A family were on for help with dealing with their 5 yo ds who was allegedly out of control.

In the 5 mins I was watching, I saw the mother kicking him and shouting "fuck off you little shit" and also, upon finding him with the freezer open and the bottom drawer out, picked him up and threw him out of the room shouting "fucking leave it alone you little fucker"

WHAT DO THEY EXPECT???

I am horrified that this can be televised. It is child abuse IMO

OP posts:

Surfermum · 26/02/2005 20:08

There were two things that shocked me on the first programme. First of all when the mum who swears hit one of the children, and her partner told her she'd hit him a bit hard and she shouted "I don't f'ing care".

The other thing was the same couple relaying a story about a man tutting when the little one swore and saying to them that he blamed the parents. They were outraged that they got the blame and said "it's not our fault he's got a 5 year old brother who swears". .

KarenThirl · 27/02/2005 11:20

I have a hard time with progs like that. My ds is being tested for ADHD/AS and it pi**es me off when people suggest I watch trash like this, as 'I might get some tips'. Well, I've been trying 'em all since ds popped out and they haven't worked! As others have said, most of the 'problems' these parents are experiencing are so obvious and that's why I can't watch them - I get so frustrated that they're being so dim!

Progs like this don't do anything to help the cause of children who really DO have behavioural problems, as outside observers assume we're all crap parents.

Elf1981 · 27/02/2005 11:46

Am currently pg with my first, and have lots of ideals as to how I will raise child, which will probably change as times goes by.
I like to think I will model my parenting skills on how I was brought up. When I was really naughty I did get a smack (though the new NSPCC adverts make this out to be so awful!), and would not have a problem tapping my child on the hand, providing they are old enough to understand what they have done and why I did it, and it is for stuff like reaching for plug sockets etc, not for stuff like knocking over a drink.
I also hope that I never swear in front of my child. I remember saying "bloody" when I was a kid after hearing it in the playground and being sent to my room!
I have two godchildren, and their parents do tend to swear a lot, and have witnessed the "be fucking quiet" sayings. It takes my breath away.
My only response is that they cannot then chastise their child for swearing. Most children imitate their parents / siblings / family / friends. And if the parents are swearing and f'ing and blinding, how can you dicipline something that you openly say to them?
Mind you, the original post is not just the ocassional smack / swear word. That is abuse, and it's really awful that it was shown on TV, without the TV people giving the parents a damn good kicking and swearing seeing to, and then asking how the felt afterwards.

Clariebelle · 27/02/2005 14:18

Agree with all your comments particularly that these parents are only dealing with mirror immages of themselves and their behaviour. They should have ASD, ADHD. PDD-NOS, AS, ODD, and all the rest to deal with! I often say that if they put cctv in my house they wouldn't televise it! I've tried all these tactics for behaviour and carry most of them out all of the time without thinking but our family is still affected by stress and really horrible emotional outbursts on a daily basis. Mostly things only work in the sort-term. With regard to foul language my son's mouth is like a cess pit quite often. He has picked up this from school, playground and his so-called peers. Although I have sworn in front of him when I am about to be pushed over the edge I might add, I have given more stickers and smiley faces out to him for not swearing than most of these families have had hot dinners. He has just shrieked, sworn, slammed doors, said I had to chose whether he ran away or died and that's all in the last 15 minutes. Have escaped onto here!!! I can feel myself getting really angry and if I try and talk to him about an outburst during it I may as well be talking chinese! I will leave him to calm down first. The invention of the PS2 was not all it's cracked up to be!!!!!! Just a note someone please tell the novice to this site what ds1 dd and all that is (bit thick sorry!) xx

Tortington · 27/02/2005 17:51

ds 1.2.3.4- dear son1.2.3.4
dd - dear daughter
dh - husband
dp - partner
etcccccccc

i saw this programme and wasnt really as shocked as everyone seems to be at this behaviour - i was more shocked at the mother on recieving a phone call from the "parental consultant?!" found it very hard to say nice things to her son.
i found that a lot mroe distressing as this was more indicative ( to me) that the child was not getting a lot of positive emotional interaction.

but then its easy to judge edited programmes on the telly isn't it.

Clariebelle · 27/02/2005 19:21

Thanks Custardo!!!! xx

mamadadawahwah · 03/03/2005 16:32

WEll, i dont know where you are all from or what your backgrounds are or who your friends are, but i hear swearing at kids constantly (northern ireland). And i mean swearing, every word you can imagine. The parents do it in front of the kids, with the kids and at the kids. One f dosent follow another as they say here. And the C word is used regularly by both men and women. thus when the kids get older and use these words, they arent even noticed cause its 2nd nature to them. I am not from this community originally, and to be honest, dont want my son round these kids and parents. Im not a goody goody, but the use of the "c" word by an 8 year old girl, is in my word soul destroying to the little girl and extremely upsetting to me.

Its more common than we might admit to swear at kids and even hit them, particularly in my neck of the woods. I have heard every excuse about "smacking" kids where i live and it never adds up. I always respond, there is no need to hit my dog, and there is certainly no need to hit my kids!

spagblog · 03/03/2005 17:09

It upsets me too and I try so hard not to use strong language in front of DD - and by strong language I mean "Shut up" instead of "Be quiet" LOL!
I once told her not to be stupid and then wanted to beat my head on a wall...I felt so guilty.

It just wasn't tolerated in my family as I was growing up, I still cringe if I use anything stronger than "bugger" when talking to my parents (although "crap" is acceptable for some odd reason)

fostermum · 04/03/2005 18:47

now you know why i get most of my foster kid, parents like her on program, who treat there children like dirt then cry to social services when kids play up,swearing in front of children is a lot different then swearing at them,kids act to parent the way they are taught

anchovies · 04/03/2005 18:53

I couldn't believe what was televised in the last episode, it made me feel physically sick. IMO the man whose dad was in the army needs some serious help, much more than a parenting course can offer. It was frightening to watch, I can't imagine how his children feel.

Blu · 04/03/2005 18:57

Anchovies - I agree.

I can't bear the fact that it is called 'Driving Mum and Dad mad' as if the kids are the bad ones when it is so obviously the other way round.

Felt sorry for the Mum who was really trying to make a go of it and her DH undermined her. He was the army one, wasn't he?

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