Do you swear at/kick your kids?!>!>!

[CountessDracula]

I just watched a bit of "driving mum and dad mad" (car crash tv prog on tonight)

A family were on for help with dealing with their 5 yo ds who was allegedly out of control.

In the 5 mins I was watching, I saw the mother kicking him and shouting "fuck off you little shit" and also, upon finding him with the freezer open and the bottom drawer out, picked him up and threw him out of the room shouting "fucking leave it alone you little fucker"

WHAT DO THEY EXPECT???

I am horrified that this can be televised. It is child abuse IMO

[tomps]

I only managed 10 minutes of the first episode, couldn't face watching these awful people for 8 weeks to see if they manage to do any better. Similarly, in the first episode a mum was smacking her son for hitting her - they just hit each other back and forth. Really f*ing sad.

[joash]

Did swear in front of my kids (although not regularly and not major words) - never swear in front of GS. Definately would not kick any of them

[joash]

Actually had a go at a friend of DD1 - last week. Went to visit her and her friend was also there. The friend has a 14 month old DD (gorgeous kiddy). She was naturally very wary of strangers and of being in a strange place and so was trying to get as close to her mum as possible. Her mothers response was (apologies in advance) "Get of my fucking toe you stupid little twat" Tried the softly softly approach at first, gave suggestions for other ways of telling her DD she was on mummies foot. to be met with " the little bastard does it all the time - on purpose"!

[SleepyJess]

I called my 12 y/old DS a 'little shit' recently.. why am I admitting this! He was being one.. but I never swear at/in front of my kids usually...

SJ x

[nightowl]

just lately im feeling like the crappest mum on the earth as ive been getting so frustrated with baby ive been ranting all around the house at no-one in particular (mainly the walls!) i try not to swear in front of them (i do slip sometimes i admit) but certainly not at them. i didnt watch the programme but i know someone like this and she wonders why her kids play up? ive heard phrases like (apologies) "get to bed you fucking little bastard or im going to knock your teeth down your throat" "are you fucking stupid" "do that again you bastard and im going to knock you out, dont fuck with me..." ive also seen a two year old slapped around the head for wanting a drink . im far from being a perfect mum, ive had my tantrums in the past, ive probably taken out moods on the kids when its not their fault but ive never treated them like that.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Like many of you, I see a big difference between swearing around your kids and swearing at them. I try to avoid swearing around my kids, as I don't want them to learn those words yet. Sometimes I slip up.

I don't ever swear at them, because I don't ever swear at anyone. It's not a respectful way to treat anyone.

[winnie]

I agree swearing around your child is one thing (try not to but it does happen). Swearing at your children in the way described is vile and kicking a child absolutely inappropriate. Loathe these kind of programmes and always feel shocked that the people involved want to display their inadequacies to the nation

[SleepyJess]

I never swear at my kids usually. I don't even swear in front of them,(apart from the odd bloody under extreme stress.) Felt very bad about the 'liitle shit' episode.. he was being awful.. I was having the worst say (od which there have been several of late!)... I apologised shortly after. Still feel crap about it but ah well.. perfect mother I am not! At least I don't kick them!

I also hear mothers/fathers saying the kind of stuff descibed below outside school in the mornings/afternoons. I always want to block 6 y/old DD's ears. It's bad enough that this is the way they casually talk to their children - and with no shame in front of others. DD has asked me why they say those 'bad words' (sometimesactually saying them) and I really resent having to try and explain this behaviour to DD when there is no real explanation.

SJ x

[Furball]

I saw it too. What amazes me is how that couple had four kids and only really had a problem with the youngest. I know that that can be the case, but in that instance IMHO with their attitude I'm surprised the other children weren't acting the same. Very sad. The dad seemed to be able to make more of an effort with him than the mum, who seemed to show hardley any interest at all.

Again I thought it really heart warming when the single mother read her son a story til he went to sleep. It was also great when she found a new way to go shopping and to involve her son.

Sleepyjess - I think in your case, you know what you said was wrong and feel bad about it, so probably won't be doing it again in a hurry. In the lady on the programmes case, it was normal to speak like that.

[FairyMum]

Oh dear...sound awful. Glad I didn't watch it. I certainly don't kick and swear at my children, but I do occasionally swear around them. I swear in Swedish though which I llike to think sounds more refined...ha ha! Probably not and I should stop it!!

[Maddison]

On Saturday my DH said FFS thinking our 4 yo DS hadn't heard him - but was mortified half an hour later when he said the same thing! We explained to DS that these words should not be said and he hasn't mentioned them since but isn't it awful that some kids are subjected to this kind of atrocious language on a daily basis . I would have no qualms about explaining to DS in front of the people swearing that it is wrong to swear, it might shame the offenders into doing something about it

[foxinsocks]

I watched about the first half an hour but then couldn't watch anymore. I thought it was awful. I could actually feel myself cringe at some of the things the parents said/did to the children.

When the bloke (was he a behavioural psychologist? missed the blurb) asked that woman on the phone to praise her child and she went over to him to say well done, it seemed so insincere that when the child laughed, even I wasn't surprised. As for the ADHD boy, if I had someone moaning and crapping on me all day like the mother did, I'd go bloody mad (although I did think she seemed very loving towards him at times, she was obviously very stressed out).

I suppose at least they had sought out help and realised they were doing something wrong but (in the first half certainly, didn't see the rest), I felt quite a few of the parents were still completely blaming the children for their behaviour without acknowledging their role at all.

I can't believe they televised it either because these weren't cases of 'simply badly behaving kids'. This was much more (they had obviously chosen the worst cases to make better TV) and I for one, won't watch it again.

[wheresmyfroggy]

The sweary couple did say at one point " It is us who have got to change to help Aaron, we are as bad as him" Therefore at least the ppp programme had been effective in helping them to see what they were doing. [cant help thinking that a couple of those mums may have had PND ]

[Fimbo]

That mother had the problem IMO which needed sorting out and quickly. I do shout at times but I do not swear at my kids under any circumstances and although my mum did swear very very occasionally when I was a child (and not directly at me)my dad is 72 and I have never ever heard him swear.

[gingerbear]

Shocked at the programme last night!

Fairymum, do tell us some Swedish swear words - they will be handy, especially in Ikea....

[foxinsocks]

oh did they? must have missed that bit - didn't seem to change their behaviour much though

yes, I thought some of the mums (especially that ADHD one) seemed very down. In fact, when things were going well, she was elated but when one thing went wrong, it was like her whole world came tumbling down which to me, made her seem depressed.

[Blossomhill]

All I can say is low life. Anyone that treats there child in that way is completely low life and disgusts me. Why on earth do these people have children?. They then have the cheek to complain about the behaviour.
It especially hits a raw nerve with me as dd has behaviour difficulites due to her communication problems and is nothing to do with the way we are with her. These people are reponsible for this behaviour

[ladyhawk]

didnt watch this programme last night but reading this is indeed very sad
i grew up in a home where violence and abuse were the norm and i vowed when i had my kids this cycle of violence would not continue,we choose what kind of parent we will be and it sounds like these parents have chosen the lasy option for them its easier to shout and be violent than to take the time to love and nurture their kidsxx
its not easy being a parent we all sometimes get stressed and have bad days but on the whole we try to do our best,my heart goes out to these kids sorry for the rant

[leglebegle]

countessdracula, felt the same as you. haven't read this thread so apologise if I repeat anything. I saw that clip of it and felt so bad for the child. those parents should have social servies involved, they were a disgrace.

[Blossomhill]

I just don't understand how anyone could talk to there children like a piece of dirt on there shoe. They do it to children that rarely retaliate. Would they do it to another adult, I think not. Bl**dy cowards
The thing that really gets to me is the amount of loving people that are deperate to have children and can't
It just doesn't seem fair does it???

[mummylonglegs]

It's a fascinating programme to watch but I also think it's very hard to see. The family with the swearing mum worries me mostly by her physical violence, she really hits hard. The father there seems to be aware of the problems and tries a bit harder. I also find the single mum interesting as she's portrayed as constantly on the verge of hysterics which is exactly how her son also behaves. I'm constantly aware of how much dd (2.5) mimics me. For instance I'm a real worrier and I can see her beginning to get a furrowed brow!

The editing of the programme is very problematic. While claiming to be about the children's behaviour it is clearly cut to show how badly the parents are handling it rather than vice verse so we get no sense of how / why the parents have ended up behaving this way. They may be the sole cause of their child's behaviour problems but also they may not.

[cornfield]

occassionally swear in the house (not at children) and no (was shocked at this behaviour, no wonder the boy was throwing stuff at his mother when she was such a mouthycow).

[oops]

Message withdrawn

[duvet]

Yeah it seems so obvious where they are going wrong when you watch how the mother speaks to the child. "What the f are you doin'" Eh How do you expect your child to respond. I know its not easy there are times when you do feel at the end of your tether but there is a choice of how to respond. It certainly made me think about my parenting skills and how much could be copied by my children.