Do you swear at/kick your kids?!>!>!

[CountessDracula]

I just watched a bit of "driving mum and dad mad" (car crash tv prog on tonight)

A family were on for help with dealing with their 5 yo ds who was allegedly out of control.

In the 5 mins I was watching, I saw the mother kicking him and shouting "fuck off you little shit" and also, upon finding him with the freezer open and the bottom drawer out, picked him up and threw him out of the room shouting "fucking leave it alone you little fucker"

WHAT DO THEY EXPECT???

I am horrified that this can be televised. It is child abuse IMO

[Blu]

Anchovies - I agree.

I can't bear the fact that it is called 'Driving Mum and Dad mad' as if the kids are the bad ones when it is so obviously the other way round.

Felt sorry for the Mum who was really trying to make a go of it and her DH undermined her. He was the army one, wasn't he?

[anchovies]

I couldn't believe what was televised in the last episode, it made me feel physically sick. IMO the man whose dad was in the army needs some serious help, much more than a parenting course can offer. It was frightening to watch, I can't imagine how his children feel.

[fostermum]

now you know why i get most of my foster kid, parents like her on program, who treat there children like dirt then cry to social services when kids play up,swearing in front of children is a lot different then swearing at them,kids act to parent the way they are taught

[spagblog]

It upsets me too and I try so hard not to use strong language in front of DD - and by strong language I mean "Shut up" instead of "Be quiet" LOL!
I once told her not to be stupid and then wanted to beat my head on a wall...I felt so guilty.

It just wasn't tolerated in my family as I was growing up, I still cringe if I use anything stronger than "bugger" when talking to my parents (although "crap" is acceptable for some odd reason)

[mamadadawahwah]

WEll, i dont know where you are all from or what your backgrounds are or who your friends are, but i hear swearing at kids constantly (northern ireland). And i mean swearing, every word you can imagine. The parents do it in front of the kids, with the kids and at the kids. One f dosent follow another as they say here. And the C word is used regularly by both men and women. thus when the kids get older and use these words, they arent even noticed cause its 2nd nature to them. I am not from this community originally, and to be honest, dont want my son round these kids and parents. Im not a goody goody, but the use of the "c" word by an 8 year old girl, is in my word soul destroying to the little girl and extremely upsetting to me.

Its more common than we might admit to swear at kids and even hit them, particularly in my neck of the woods. I have heard every excuse about "smacking" kids where i live and it never adds up. I always respond, there is no need to hit my dog, and there is certainly no need to hit my kids!

[Clariebelle]

Thanks Custardo!!!! xx

[Tortington]

ds 1.2.3.4- dear son1.2.3.4
dd - dear daughter
dh - husband
dp - partner
etcccccccc

i saw this programme and wasnt really as shocked as everyone seems to be at this behaviour - i was more shocked at the mother on recieving a phone call from the "parental consultant?!" found it very hard to say nice things to her son.
i found that a lot mroe distressing as this was more indicative ( to me) that the child was not getting a lot of positive emotional interaction.

but then its easy to judge edited programmes on the telly isn't it.

[Clariebelle]

Agree with all your comments particularly that these parents are only dealing with mirror immages of themselves and their behaviour. They should have ASD, ADHD. PDD-NOS, AS, ODD, and all the rest to deal with! I often say that if they put cctv in my house they wouldn't televise it! I've tried all these tactics for behaviour and carry most of them out all of the time without thinking but our family is still affected by stress and really horrible emotional outbursts on a daily basis. Mostly things only work in the sort-term. With regard to foul language my son's mouth is like a cess pit quite often. He has picked up this from school, playground and his so-called peers. Although I have sworn in front of him when I am about to be pushed over the edge I might add, I have given more stickers and smiley faces out to him for not swearing than most of these families have had hot dinners. He has just shrieked, sworn, slammed doors, said I had to chose whether he ran away or died and that's all in the last 15 minutes. Have escaped onto here!!! I can feel myself getting really angry and if I try and talk to him about an outburst during it I may as well be talking chinese! I will leave him to calm down first. The invention of the PS2 was not all it's cracked up to be!!!!!! Just a note someone please tell the novice to this site what ds1 dd and all that is (bit thick sorry!) xx

[Elf1981]

Am currently pg with my first, and have lots of ideals as to how I will raise child, which will probably change as times goes by.
I like to think I will model my parenting skills on how I was brought up. When I was really naughty I did get a smack (though the new NSPCC adverts make this out to be so awful!), and would not have a problem tapping my child on the hand, providing they are old enough to understand what they have done and why I did it, and it is for stuff like reaching for plug sockets etc, not for stuff like knocking over a drink.
I also hope that I never swear in front of my child. I remember saying "bloody" when I was a kid after hearing it in the playground and being sent to my room!
I have two godchildren, and their parents do tend to swear a lot, and have witnessed the "be fucking quiet" sayings. It takes my breath away.
My only response is that they cannot then chastise their child for swearing. Most children imitate their parents / siblings / family / friends. And if the parents are swearing and f'ing and blinding, how can you dicipline something that you openly say to them?
Mind you, the original post is not just the ocassional smack / swear word. That is abuse, and it's really awful that it was shown on TV, without the TV people giving the parents a damn good kicking and swearing seeing to, and then asking how the felt afterwards.

[KarenThirl]

I have a hard time with progs like that. My ds is being tested for ADHD/AS and it pi**es me off when people suggest I watch trash like this, as 'I might get some tips'. Well, I've been trying 'em all since ds popped out and they haven't worked! As others have said, most of the 'problems' these parents are experiencing are so obvious and that's why I can't watch them - I get so frustrated that they're being so dim!

Progs like this don't do anything to help the cause of children who really DO have behavioural problems, as outside observers assume we're all crap parents.

[Surfermum]

There were two things that shocked me on the first programme. First of all when the mum who swears hit one of the children, and her partner told her she'd hit him a bit hard and she shouted "I don't f'ing care".

The other thing was the same couple relaying a story about a man tutting when the little one swore and saying to them that he blamed the parents. They were outraged that they got the blame and said "it's not our fault he's got a 5 year old brother who swears". .

[duvet]

Yeah it seems so obvious where they are going wrong when you watch how the mother speaks to the child. "What the f are you doin'" Eh How do you expect your child to respond. I know its not easy there are times when you do feel at the end of your tether but there is a choice of how to respond. It certainly made me think about my parenting skills and how much could be copied by my children.

[oops]

Message withdrawn

[cornfield]

occassionally swear in the house (not at children) and no (was shocked at this behaviour, no wonder the boy was throwing stuff at his mother when she was such a mouthycow).

[mummylonglegs]

It's a fascinating programme to watch but I also think it's very hard to see. The family with the swearing mum worries me mostly by her physical violence, she really hits hard. The father there seems to be aware of the problems and tries a bit harder. I also find the single mum interesting as she's portrayed as constantly on the verge of hysterics which is exactly how her son also behaves. I'm constantly aware of how much dd (2.5) mimics me. For instance I'm a real worrier and I can see her beginning to get a furrowed brow!

The editing of the programme is very problematic. While claiming to be about the children's behaviour it is clearly cut to show how badly the parents are handling it rather than vice verse so we get no sense of how / why the parents have ended up behaving this way. They may be the sole cause of their child's behaviour problems but also they may not.

[Blossomhill]

I just don't understand how anyone could talk to there children like a piece of dirt on there shoe. They do it to children that rarely retaliate. Would they do it to another adult, I think not. Bl**dy cowards
The thing that really gets to me is the amount of loving people that are deperate to have children and can't
It just doesn't seem fair does it???

[leglebegle]

countessdracula, felt the same as you. haven't read this thread so apologise if I repeat anything. I saw that clip of it and felt so bad for the child. those parents should have social servies involved, they were a disgrace.

[ladyhawk]

didnt watch this programme last night but reading this is indeed very sad
i grew up in a home where violence and abuse were the norm and i vowed when i had my kids this cycle of violence would not continue,we choose what kind of parent we will be and it sounds like these parents have chosen the lasy option for them its easier to shout and be violent than to take the time to love and nurture their kidsxx
its not easy being a parent we all sometimes get stressed and have bad days but on the whole we try to do our best,my heart goes out to these kids sorry for the rant

[Blossomhill]

All I can say is low life. Anyone that treats there child in that way is completely low life and disgusts me. Why on earth do these people have children?. They then have the cheek to complain about the behaviour.
It especially hits a raw nerve with me as dd has behaviour difficulites due to her communication problems and is nothing to do with the way we are with her. These people are reponsible for this behaviour

[foxinsocks]

oh did they? must have missed that bit - didn't seem to change their behaviour much though

yes, I thought some of the mums (especially that ADHD one) seemed very down. In fact, when things were going well, she was elated but when one thing went wrong, it was like her whole world came tumbling down which to me, made her seem depressed.

[gingerbear]

Shocked at the programme last night!

Fairymum, do tell us some Swedish swear words - they will be handy, especially in Ikea....

[Fimbo]

That mother had the problem IMO which needed sorting out and quickly. I do shout at times but I do not swear at my kids under any circumstances and although my mum did swear very very occasionally when I was a child (and not directly at me)my dad is 72 and I have never ever heard him swear.

[wheresmyfroggy]

The sweary couple did say at one point " It is us who have got to change to help Aaron, we are as bad as him" Therefore at least the ppp programme had been effective in helping them to see what they were doing. [cant help thinking that a couple of those mums may have had PND ]

[foxinsocks]

I watched about the first half an hour but then couldn't watch anymore. I thought it was awful. I could actually feel myself cringe at some of the things the parents said/did to the children.

When the bloke (was he a behavioural psychologist? missed the blurb) asked that woman on the phone to praise her child and she went over to him to say well done, it seemed so insincere that when the child laughed, even I wasn't surprised. As for the ADHD boy, if I had someone moaning and crapping on me all day like the mother did, I'd go bloody mad (although I did think she seemed very loving towards him at times, she was obviously very stressed out).

I suppose at least they had sought out help and realised they were doing something wrong but (in the first half certainly, didn't see the rest), I felt quite a few of the parents were still completely blaming the children for their behaviour without acknowledging their role at all.

I can't believe they televised it either because these weren't cases of 'simply badly behaving kids'. This was much more (they had obviously chosen the worst cases to make better TV) and I for one, won't watch it again.

[Maddison]

On Saturday my DH said FFS thinking our 4 yo DS hadn't heard him - but was mortified half an hour later when he said the same thing! We explained to DS that these words should not be said and he hasn't mentioned them since but isn't it awful that some kids are subjected to this kind of atrocious language on a daily basis . I would have no qualms about explaining to DS in front of the people swearing that it is wrong to swear, it might shame the offenders into doing something about it