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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Were we right today??

215 replies

CocktailQueen · 06/11/2011 19:15

DH and I fancied a lie in today so we asked the kids, age 4 and 8, not to wake us till 8. They can go donwstairs after 7 and watch tv/play, and we left them out brekky snacks. So they came to wake us at 8 and were being bonkers - jumping all over us in bed and fighting. We said, give us 5 mins for a cuddle and we'll get up. But they fought, kept coming back in, ignoring us saying no and stop, then ds went downstairs, took a tube yoghurt from the fridge and managed to spray it all over the dfining room/kitchen (he was pretending to be a rhino with a horn).....

dh was v cross. Sent them to their rooms. We didn't go out to wildlife park as planned and instead had quiet morning at home then went out for walk. Rest of day fine.

But wwy have done?? Were we too strict? Dh hates when the kids don't listen to him and I can see his point.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Octaviapink · 07/11/2011 08:21

So she's bright and imaginative? Also, how do you know there was no hawk?

mumofthreekids · 07/11/2011 11:04

I think YANBU to be a bit cross about their behaviour (although I am jealous of the 8am wake up call!).

But I do think the punishment was totally out of proportion to the crime. Fine to be cross, send them to their rooms to calm down or whatever, but to cancel a day out at a wildlife park is an OTT reaction. It sounds like they were just being a bit over excited, not really naughty - you don't want to crush all the high spirits out of them!

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 07/11/2011 11:17

thanks all - it was more the fact that they didn't listen to repeatedly being asked to stop, and this has been annoying us for some time.

We would have been more than happy to cuddle with them in bed, just not happy being jumped on.

We did go out for lunch and for a walk later, so the day wasn't spoiled. We will go to the wildlife park another time.

Octavia - I just know.

OP posts:

Davsmum · 07/11/2011 13:35

I am not sure I would agree to leaving a 4 and 7 year old to their own devices whilst I had a lie in ??!
Surely children of that age should be supervised ? Am I the only one who is concerned about that ?

exoticfruits · 07/11/2011 14:06

I don't see how you manage if you have to be in the same room all the time! I certainly didn't get up first when mine were that age. They knew what they could do and what they couldn't and you are in the same house and aware. If you were that worried you would never sleep because it is possible they might be wandering around at 3am. At 8yrs I was making my parents a cup of tea in bed.

Davsmum · 07/11/2011 15:14

I know you cannot be in the same room ALL the time or know if they are up in the night - however, its a different thing altogether deliberately being asleep whilst children so young are up and about in the morning !

If children wake in the night it is likely they will waken their parents and for very young children I would have a safety gate at the top of the stairs.

Surely parents could take turns having a lie in - and not have to do so at the same time ? Most accidents happen in the home and a 4 year old can easily get hurt if unsupervised. A 7 yr old is not old enough to be responsible for a 4yr old.
Its too late once an accident has happened. Its a gamble that perhaps should not be risked.

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 07/11/2011 16:04

They are 8 and 4. The 8yo is sensible. I do not think this is a problem. An one-off 8am lie in is hardly midday!!!!!

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 07/11/2011 16:16

I certainly didn't get up before them at weekends and never get a lie into together! You are not heavily asleep. DCs live up (or down) to expectations and if you expect them to be irresponsible and 'get up to things', they surely will. I never found it a problem and I would be most disappointed if a 7 yr old couldn't wake you up with a problem. They had rules and they were highly sensible DCs who stuck to them.

Davsmum · 07/11/2011 16:25

Yes,.. 7 & 8 yrs old is one thing. I think 4 though, is too young. 999 in 1000 times of course there may never be a problem - Its the 1 in 1000 times that people think will never happen to them.
I never 'expected' my children to 'get up to things' but it is far more likey they will if unsupervised.

exoticfruits · 07/11/2011 16:37

When I only had the one and he was 4 yrs he got up and watched TV and played. He was fine. I can't see why he wouldn't be.

Davsmum · 08/11/2011 10:07

Because he is 4 - thats why !
You cannot predict what a 4 year old will do with any certainty at all.

Sirzy · 08/11/2011 12:48

I wouldn't let a 4 year old get up and put tv etc on themselves but that's what the op wanted and is fine each to there own. But after an hour awake and playing I think the op was Very unreasonable to expect longer in bed and complain at the children wanting attention.

If you really wanted that 5 mins more in bed why not send them to pick a story you could all read before getting up?

exoticfruits · 08/11/2011 19:09

Mine managed fine, he was perfectly sensible, perfectly able-however if you don't have a sensible one then I wouldn't advise doing it.

Davsmum · 09/11/2011 09:33

A sensible 4 year old - is still a 4 year old. They are not fully aware of dangers and their impulsiveness and imagination and sense of exploration can mean they can be at risk.
I don't think a parent should be complacent about the safety of a 4 year old.
If unsupervised,.. its a gamble.

exoticfruits · 09/11/2011 13:26

It was a gamble I was quite prepared to take. All DCs are different. You don't know the layout of my house, my sleeping habits, my 4 yr old, so I don't see how anyone can make blanket statements. I am quite prepared to accept that you wouldn't leave your 4 yr old-there are lots of 4 yr olds that I wouldn't trust as far as I could see them. It also makes a huge difference if they are just 4 yrs or almost 5 yrs.

Davsmum · 09/11/2011 16:23

Of course all children are different. Whatever the layout of your house I should imagine it has a kitchen - things that can be climbed on, electricity

I would call a 4 or 5 year old an infant. I wouldn't gamble with an infant being left unsupervised alone downstairs even in a safety conscious household.

Aliceinboots · 09/11/2011 18:07

I wouldn't call 4 or 5 an infant. Infants are babies surely?

I do think the OP was a bit OTT with the punishment.

Am also jealous of the lie in.
Our 4 yr old sneaks into our bed most nights whilst we are asleep.

No lie ins or cuddles without her being included going on here most mornings.

exoticfruits · 09/11/2011 19:06

You have to know your DC. My DS didn't climb on things or touch electrics etc and is now a strapping 6 footer without a single problem. Had he been likely to have done things he shouldn't then I wouldn't have left him.

Davsmum · 10/11/2011 09:35

I don't think you can ever, ever be sure what a child will do when left unsupervised.
How do you know he never climbed on things if you were not there ??
If you are not there - you do not know !

Nothing untoward happened to your DS - and thats good. Sadly,..other people take risks and are not so lucky. Its only an issue when it goes wrong !

I knew both my children very well and could probably be fairly confident they would not do anything that would lead to harm but I was never so complacent that I would have risked them being unsupervised at that age.

exoticfruits · 10/11/2011 11:26

I think that we will have to agree to differ as I dare say that you wouldn't leave an 8 yr old on their own for 5 minutes while you popped to the post box.

Of course it is possible that they do something unsupervised, but I am not going to be with them every single minute-just in case. I am not a heavy sleeper, I was awake at the first noise in the night. My 4 yr old was used to a lot of adult company, he was rather like living with a little old gentleman and he would have come and found me had he wanted to do anything other than the couple of things allowed.

If the 4yr old is silly enough to do something they shouldn't the moment you are not watching what is to stop them creeping out of bed at 2am and doing it?

I wouldn't call it unsupervised. It was no different than me being in the kitchen and them playing upstairs or me being hoovering while they were playing in the back garden. It is very restrictive, for both sides, if you have to watch them all the time.

You may think it poor parenting-I regard myself as a very responsible parent-as would anyone who knows me. You weigh up the risks for yourself-I fully accept that you weigh them up differently but that doesn't make you a better parent-just different.

toddlerama · 10/11/2011 11:33

Lol at the rhino horn frube. Sounds like you missed out on a hilarious game skulking upstairs

Davsmum · 10/11/2011 12:11

Yes, I would certainly leave an 8 yr old whilst I popped to the post box. I would also allow an 8 yr old to be up and about before I got up.
We are not talking about an 8yr old though,.. we were talking about a 4 yr old !
You cannot compare an 8 yr old with a 4 yr old.
An 8 year old has a totally different awareness than a 4 yr old. Its all about age appropriate responsibility !
A 4 year old IS silly enough to do something they shouldn't. For goodness sake, a 17 year old can be silly enough to do stuff they shouldn't !

I don't think its poor parenting - I think its naive.
I wouldn't ever think that my view on this makes me a better parent either. There is more to parenting than this one issue.

exoticfruits · 10/11/2011 17:01

My Aug birthday DS had to start school less than a week after his 4th birthday-he was not a baby. If he could cope with a classroom full of DCs he didn't know a building he didn't know, strange adults and a new system to get used to, I am sure that putting on a TV with his mother in calling distance (and awake and aware but not up) was something he could manage.

Octaviapink · 10/11/2011 20:06

Been watching the sub-debate on this with interest. I'm pretty much with exoticfruits on this one. DD 2.5 is very frequently by herself in other rooms and although sometimes it bites me (she has a fondness for tearing her books) if I was in bed (awake) while she pottered downstairs I'd be fine with it (doesn't happen because both she and I are ravenous when we wake up so breakfast is at 6). I think that sort of trust is only going to increase as she gets older - I can't imagine I'll be less happy about it when she's 4. I have 2 DCs and I'm not going to force them to be in the same room the entire time - sometimes one or both of them are unsupervised. Including DS 11m.

exoticfruits · 10/11/2011 22:42

I can't see how you keep in the same room all the time, too restrictive for all of you. Even when they were little toddlers they would be riding their toys along the hall etc and if they were playing happily in the lounge I wouldn't make them change to the kitchen because I was going there. I worried if all went quiet-and investigated-other than that they were fine.

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