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Original poster

Were we right today??

215 replies

CocktailQueen · 06/11/2011 19:15

DH and I fancied a lie in today so we asked the kids, age 4 and 8, not to wake us till 8. They can go donwstairs after 7 and watch tv/play, and we left them out brekky snacks. So they came to wake us at 8 and were being bonkers - jumping all over us in bed and fighting. We said, give us 5 mins for a cuddle and we'll get up. But they fought, kept coming back in, ignoring us saying no and stop, then ds went downstairs, took a tube yoghurt from the fridge and managed to spray it all over the dfining room/kitchen (he was pretending to be a rhino with a horn).....

dh was v cross. Sent them to their rooms. We didn't go out to wildlife park as planned and instead had quiet morning at home then went out for walk. Rest of day fine.

But wwy have done?? Were we too strict? Dh hates when the kids don't listen to him and I can see his point.

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thisisyesterday · 06/11/2011 20:35

oh come on chicken... one of them is only 4!

they've been ignored by their parents all morning, goodness only knows what they might've got up to downstairs and then instead of getting up like they said they would their parents asked for even more time.
you can't really blame young children getting annoyed and a bit "bouncy" after that length of time can you?

OhDoAdmit · 06/11/2011 20:36

You were wrong for all the reasons given above.

It doesnt make you a terrible person or a dreadful parent though.

achicken I think 4 is 'really little' .

If the kids were jumping about on you I think its reasonable to ask them not too and to tell them off if they dont listen to you.

But they DID do what what was asked of them and they got punished.

If they knew they were going to the wildlife place I expect they were very excited and eager to get going.

I understand the frustration at the kids not doing as they were told but I dont think what you have done is going to improve their obedience (for want of a better word). When punishments are out of proportion they lose their affectiveness.

Octaviapink · 06/11/2011 20:37

Nope - you told them you'd get up at 8 and they had every right to expect that promise to be kept, especially as they kept their end of it. Frankly I'm astonished that with two children in the house you were able to stay asleep at all. They were excited to see you - do you really want them to know that you're not excited to see them?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 06/11/2011 20:37

Really - you need a whole 5 minutes to carry on waking up in peace?!

They didn't ask for this either - they asked for 5 minutes for a cuddle. Why not invite them into bed, snuggle into them for a couple of minutes and then all get up?

fivegomadindorset · 06/11/2011 20:39

YOu should have set the alarm for 7.55 so you could have had your 5 minute cuddle.

GreyRosesAreMyFavourite · 06/11/2011 20:39

Completely unreasonable! I actually feel sorry for your children as you must have really confused them after they did what you asked!!

beatofthedrum · 06/11/2011 20:53

I agree YABU. Can't imagine sending the children AWAY for a cuddle. What is more gorgeous than a morning cuddle with your children??

AChickenCalledKorma · 06/11/2011 21:31

(shrug) I can see I'm in a minority. But DD2 has been coping with getting up before us, along with her big sister, since she was 4.

And no, I'm not really "excited" to see anyone within 5mins of waking up. Doesn't mean I don't love them or anything, just that I'm not keen on being bounced on when I'm still bleary-eyed!

TopC · 06/11/2011 21:39

Your hubby sounds like a right old grump and you must already know you've been a bit out of order to your kids and probably feel a bit guilty.

It's a bit sad as I love seeing my little boy's face smiling at me in the morning, I don't know how kids wake up so happy every day but that's the joy of being 4!

Just think one day you kids won't be excited to see you in the morning, or probably any time before noon, might as well enjoy their company while you've got it.

ASuitableGirl · 06/11/2011 21:44

Had you woken up before they appeared at 8? I do ask mine (7 and 6) not to come in until 8 but tbh they rarely wake before then at the weekend (I realise I am lucky Grin) and there is only the three of us here so no one else to cuddle :) I do ask for a few minutes before I have to get out of bed but that's with the children there, not sending them away. Children do jump about the place - it's annoying but one of those things.

I would say that you would be better having turns at having a lie in and please do take them to the wildlife park another day.

531800000008 · 06/11/2011 21:50

oh hang ON

DH got the hump; is cuddle a euphemism? In which case I feel a bit sorry for you - FIVE MINUTES? Oh dear

redglow · 06/11/2011 22:08

Enjoy your children when they are teenagers you will have a job to get them up or to go anywhere with you. I think your DH sounds like the spoilt child.

tigerlillyd02 · 06/11/2011 22:27

I must be very lucky because my lo doesn't wake me up at all. He wakes up and plays (quietly) in his own room until I'm ready to go and get him. He's just turned 2 and this has been going on since we moved in here in April.

Once I hear him playing it takes me around 5-10 mins to come round before getting up to him, and I wouldn't think that was unreasonable. I know he's safe and he's not crying or shouting for me.

If he was out of his room, I'd be concerned for his safety though. Even at 4, I'd worry whether he might be trying to use the kettle/toaster etc and all the other things he might do should I not be around to supervise.

In terms of the OP, I don't think it was unreasonable to ask for 5 mins to wake up. But, the fact you'd already asked them to wait an hour and then pushed this further would have been more unfair. The incident with the yoghurt tube would be the very reason I wouldn't feel comfortable allowing them downstairs alone in the first place and is one of those things you risk should you allow that. At 8, I'd probably expect them to know right from wrong and understand that this isn't good behaviour, but not at 4. All children are different though and if your 8 year old can't be trusted not to do destructive things like that, then really you need to be up with them as next time it could be something more dangerous they're messing with.

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 06/11/2011 23:08

op here. Thanks all. Interesting POVs.

thisisyesterday - hardly ignored by us 'all morning' FGS, it was 8am not 11am!

I can trust them both to behave and play/watch tv downstairs without doing anything dangerous. The yoghurt, while annoying, is not dangerous.

Take your points about not asking them to wait more than they had already waited. We do usually take turns at lie ins but tbh do not think it unreasonable to occasionally lie in together! Will set the alarm next time ;-)

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 06/11/2011 23:16

CocktailQueen - YANBU to have told them you'd get up in 5 minutes. 4 & 8 is plenty old enough to wait until 8 to wake you then give you 5 minutes.

I think it depends if it was the 4 yo with the yogurt or the 8 yo - if it was the 4 yo I think it's just one of those utterly stupid things they do. If he spilt/squirted a little bit and stopped when he realised then it's a 'bugger' - if he carried on doing it knowing that it was going everywhere then what you did was fine. I'm a bit confused why DD was in trouble as well though?

Ignore the DramaLama's 8am is not late and they are well old enough to do that and wait until you are ready to get up.

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 06/11/2011 23:20

Thanks Chipping. dd was in trouble too as she had come up during the 5 mins we said we wanted to cuddle to say there was a hawk in the garden ;-) - I know, crazy.

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 06/11/2011 23:50

LOL - she was sent to her room for coming in to tell you there was a Hawk in the garden!! I think there might have been two very randy tired parents in bed this morning. But sometimes they do just get on that last nerve and they need to know there's a line and they have just gone over it. It wont hurt them to realise that you have limits.

QuintessentialShadow · 06/11/2011 23:54

Yabu. They did not get a day out with their parents, because they did as they were told. What message is that ?

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/11/2011 00:05

No - they didn't get a day out with their parents because they didn't do as they were told - they were told (repeatedly) to stop jumping all over the bed and fighting - they didn't stop. They were told their parents wanted 5 minutes peace, they keep annoying them....and I'm pretty sure no one asked them to squirt yogurt around the place.

'Don't wake us up until 8am' does not mean we will then instantly jump out of bed and cater for your every whim.

FrightNight · 07/11/2011 00:05

Right up to the point you cancelled the out you had my sympathy.

Now I think you and you DH are a pair of unspeakable ladies nether regions.

thepollydoll · 07/11/2011 01:34

The kids did as you had asked - waited til 8am to wake you.

Asking for an extra 5 minutes for a cuddle was pushing your luck a wee bit but I don't think it was unreasonable for you to ask them to stop jumping on you as I know what that's like myself. None of us like it when our kids don't listen to us however, cancelling the family day out over it would appear to be rather excessive punishment, especially after they'd been so good in the hour beforehand in allowing you both to lie in.

I think you should apologise to them and make it up to them.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/11/2011 01:53

FN/TPD Why? They were told to wait until 8am before waking their parents up - which they did. Good start. However, this does not mean they can do whatever the hell they like for the rest of the day. They were told, by their parents, to give them 5 minutes and they'd get up, so that is what they should have done. They didn't.

When did the concept that children should do as they're told, get replaced with children should rule the roost and do what they hell they like if their parents don't jump to attention?

Admittedly I would have told them that if they didn't behave we woudn't be going & given them fair warning that they were pushing their luck - but we don't know if the OP did that or not.

Children that can't do as they're told don't get treats - I don't get all of the YABU's on this thread, I really don't. It's no wonder some parents struggle so much if they allow their children to run the show.

Octaviapink · 07/11/2011 08:09

Nobody said they were allowed to do whatever the hell they liked for the rest of the day, or that they should be allowed to do so. As far as they (and most of the posters on this thread) were concerned, their parents broke the deal. Hence, all bets were off. It's not necessarily excusable to misbehave but it is understandable and they are children. Not automatons that obey every command however unreasonable, and nor should they be expected to be. If you want to have sex do it before you've told your kids you'll get up, not after.

You punished your daughter for coming to tell you there's a hawk in the garden?? CocktailQueen you really need to cut your kids some slack.

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 07/11/2011 08:12

Octavia - there was no ruddy hawk! And she knew it. It was just an excuse for her to come in and pester us before the 5 mins was up!

And it really was just a cuddle, NOT SEX!! 5 mins!! Shock

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 07/11/2011 08:16

You broke the agreement, you changed the goalposts, by extending the agreed time to 5 minutes longer. For a "cuddle", that was not at all going to last 5 minutes. which they were not supposed to take part in. I suspect that after having been really quite for an hour, keeping track of the time to come and wake you, they were really excited. Then they were asked to leave so you could "cuddle", rather inviting them to snuggle up.

I applaud your dc ingenuity for inventing a hawk in the garden to get your attention!