Husband is trying to back out of naming agreement

[ThisZingyMember]

I'm looking for opinions on this situation. When I was pregnant with our first child, we could not agree on a name. Our tastes are just too different. At the time, I knew that our child was going to end up with a dull compromise name that neither of us would be keen on if we couldn't think of something else. Because of this, I decided to make an agreement with DH that he could name our first child any (first + middle) name that he wanted as long as I would be able to name our second child any (first + middle) name that I wanted. All went well, and he chose our first child's name. I didn't like the name he chose but never tried to interfere due to the agreement.

I'm now pregnant with our second child. I have chosen the name and told DH what it is. He is now trying to back out of the agreement. His argument is that this is an "extreme exception". He hates the name, so he should be able to veto it. My viewpoint is that it doesn't matter that he doesn't like the name. He shouldn't have agreed to this arrangement if he wasn't going to honour it. I'm not going to compromise when the point of the agreement was to avoid doing so.

“GetDressedYouMerryGentlemen · Today 22:28

Your styles don't seem so massively far apart that no compromise could every possibly be found but I guess thanks to the rather daft agreement that ship has sailed.”

“diddl · Today 22:31

I think that the middle names you have chosen are much nicer.
Athena & Francesca would have been lovely imo.”

Both of these.

DH and I both made our own long lists of girls names and compared them to create a short list. Everyone disliked the first name we chose during the pregnancy (Demelza - we were spending a lot of time in Cornwall at the time) and we took that on board and picked a different name from our list.

I think Olive, Athena and Francesca all work, particularly Athena and Francesca which are smart and interesting. Mary-Kate sounds a bit clunky and artificial to me but these things are very subjective.

I think it’s a shame you don’t like your daughter’s name. Please don’t ever tell her.

We had this deal DH got first name
and I got middle name than vice versa.

it did involve some compromise though rather than free reign, and our choices weren’t so different.

My husband let me choose all our babies names. Can’t imagine having to endure pregnancy and delivery and then naming our baby something I didn’t like.

I thought it was going to be something far worse.

Whilst Mary Kate doesn't ring quite right to me, I wonder of a compromise might be Mary-Jane or Mary-Anne?

Yep if one liked Barbara/Maureen/Sandra and the other likes Fifi/Lou Lou/Pixie or Marginalia/ Fluoride/ Deodorize then I can see there really isn't a compromise but I can't see why they couldn't find something they both liked.

This is a perfectly lovely name.

Your husband is DBVVU!! Also he shouldn't keep arguing with you when you're pregnant. I wouldn't bother arguing with him anymore: just know that you will give your new baby, the name you want and move on with your day.

Yeah you’re right, assuming it’s a proper name and just one he doesn’t like, DH needs to suck it up - as you did.

This!

I think Olive Athena is a beautiful name! I don’t like Mary-Kate at all; and Francesca is okay (especially if shortened to Frankie) - Olive and Frankie would be really lovely together as sisters!

I don’t think he should be able to back out of the deal now, but it was a crazy deal to make

Mary-Jane is slang for cannabis, it might ring wrong for a whole other reason 😂

I like Francesca, I don’t like Mary-Kate, but Olive is much worse. No way would I ever have allowed that. But now you have he needs to suck it up.

He’s only saying he hates it as a bargaining tool, to make you look unreasonable. No one can hate Mary-Kate, it’s just meh.

Your names are all fine but would drop the hyphen

Olive is dreadful.

Athena would have been much better. Francesca and Athena go well together.

Your names are perfectly reasonable names, I wouldnt be arguing with him, he agreed to the deal, it's done, hes got time to get over it and perhaps do some work on himself, he sounds controlling and entitled.

From what he has said, he likes Calliope Theodora. I don't.

Goodness! So many women of my age are Mary-Jane (MJ). Can't wait to tell them

I think a lot of parents to be struggle to come up with names they both really like. But it just takes a bit more time to actually go through the options, then narrow it down until you get to a name you both like. There are so many names out there, I’m sure you could have come up with one you both were okay with.

I know Calliope is popular but it reminds me of a cross between calpol and calliper.

I quite like Theodora and it goes well with Olive.

I know! I think this is a bit sad for you both. There are so many possible shortened versions of Olive, do you like any of those @ThisZingyMember, Livi, Oli, Vivi?

I genuinely think Olive and Frankie sound very cool and like they would have really fun adventures together… I’ve also always loved Drew Barrymore and if it’s good enough for her…?

I’m liking his choices.

Olive reminds me of Popeye. Olivia is so much nicer.
I can't believe you agreed to this OP but you were probably stressed. Is he always so stubborn?
Your choice is fine and he'll just have to suck it up, won't he? Maybe he'll realise how you felt last time.

your name suggestions are nice and normal. IMO Kate or Francesca would be my preference, but it’s not my opinion that counts!

I don’t like his suggestions of Calliope. I’ve never heard of it in real life. Theodora could be shortened to Teddy. But that’s not the point- they are not your choice!

you should get the main vote in this one as per your agreement.

Tbf it does have a very pretty sound to it.

Right. On all fronts.